Something More, Something Better
by LauraADon
Summary: Santana is the new kid at WMHS. She has a goal and that's to get through her Senior year and graduate. She doesn't want anything to get in the way of that goal. That changes, however, when she meets a blonde cheerleader that won't leave her alone. Brittany's looking for something in her life that she can't find.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**

Santana is the new kid at WMHS. She has a goal and that's to get through her Senior year and graduate. She doesn't want anything to get in the way of that goal. That changes, however, when she meets a blonde cheerleader that won't leave her alone.

Brittany's looking for something in her life that she can't find.

Rating of T for now but with an upgrade to M in future chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

As I approach the school the words William McKinley High School stand out in bold against the brick building. The parking lot is alive with people running in about every direction. Some students, some teachers, some parents, all hurrying to their destination. I try to take in as much as possible. Try to learn all I can about this place before I even step foot inside the building.

It's the first day of school. My first day of my senior year of high school.

Stepping into the building the air is charged with an unnerving sort of energy. There's red and white just about everywhere. From the banner welcoming students over the main entrance, to the red and white posters on the walls, to the Letterman jackets that the athletes wear, and the short shirts that the cheerleaders have on. It's very clear what the school colors are from first glance.

The hallway is a whirlwind of commotion.

My feet lead me forward towards my locker. Kids bump into me occasionally as they hurry passed. Luckily, I was here a week ago for a tour and I at least know where I'm going. Mostly, everyone ignores me as a walk by but the ones that don't look at me with the strangest look on their faces, like they've just seen a ghost or something. I don't know which I prefer the students who completely ignore me or the ones that look at me like they would a horrific car accident.

I don't care. They don't matter. All the matters is going to class, listening to the teachers, taking notes, getting good grades, and graduating at the end of the school year. That's my plan. Nothing and nobody else matters.

* * *

Watching the students enter Mr. Channing's third period Chemistry class I realize that there are some interesting characters in this school. I guess most school are the same though. They all have the same cliques just different kids to fill the roles. Jocks, cheerleaders, math nerds, band and choir geeks, loners. Every school has them and this school is no different. It's clear who's friends with who as the kids mingle with each other before the bell rings.

When the bell does ring everyone who isn't seated searches for an empty seat to take. There aren't desk in this room but tables with two chairs at each. There's an empty chair at my table yet that no one has claimed. Hopefully no one will.

A girl in a cheerleader uniform looks around the classroom as all the empty seats are filled by other students. There's one seat left in the far corner, at the front of the room, right by the teacher's desk, and then there's the seat next to me. I watch her as she makes her decision. She looks to the seat by the teachers desk and then to me. She locks eyes with mine and I know her decision is made. I duck my head to avoid eye contact as she comes over and pulls out the chair next to mine.

I chance a look in her direction. "What are you doing?" I ask quietly, not wanting the teacher to hear.

The blonde haired cheerleader pats her hands over her skirt then pulls her chair in closer to the table. Avoiding looking at me, the blonde glances around the room, then nods. She settles in her chair, shoulders relaxing, hands folded in her lap, turns to me, and smiles. "Sitting."

"You can't sit there." I whisper yell. I duck my head closer to her so she's the only one who can here what I'm saying.

The blonde squints her eyes. "Why?"

I let out a small groan. This can't be happening. Not here, not now. The day had been going great so far. Can't this girl just leave me alone. Is that too much to ask for?

"Fine. Whatever." I huff out as the teacher starts talking. I'll just have to ignore the blonde. Mr. Channing starts handing out papers to everyone. I get my notebook, folder, and pen out of my backpack and prepare for the class. I'll just ignore the cheerleader next to me as if she's not there and maybe she'll have the courtesy to do the same to me.

The teacher starts talking about the lesson plan and what's expected of the students. It should be easy for me to pay attention but I have this uneasy feeling in my gut and I can't concentrate as well as I would like. Not that what the teacher is saying is gonna be on a test or anything but it's still good to know.

I glance over at the blonde girl next to me. She's, to my surprise, staring straight at me. Her neck twisted so that her face faces mine, eyes staring at me directly.

"What?" I mouth.

The girl shrugs and turns her attention to the front of the classroom. I look over the girl for a second more while she is listening to Mr. Channing. She seems like your typical cheerleader with her perfect uniform and her perfect hair. A notebook and pen lay on the table in front of her untouched since she took them out of her backpack.

Someone coughs and it brings my attention away from the girl next to me and back to the teacher. His introduction to Chemistry is really dull and boring but I listen anyway. I have a goal in mind and I'm gonna do everything that I can to reach that goal even if that mean listening to this boring Chemistry dude every day for the entire school year.

I'm taking notes when something taps against my right forearm. I look down at my long sleeve shirt. There's nothing there but I have an idea. I look up to the blonde cheerleader annoyed that this girl is interrupting my education. She gives me a half smile and nods her head to the right. Her notebook is now open and there's something written in it. The cheerleader points to the words and then slides the notebook over towards me.

I lean over in my seat so that I can read the words. _R U a nerd? _Is written towards the top of the page. I narrow my eyes and look up at the blonde. I lock eyes with her and shake my head. The cheerleader takes her notebook back. I look back to the front of the room. The teacher is still droning on about something that I have now missed. I glance back at the blonde's notebook. She's scribbles something else and passes the notebook back in my direction.

I look to the front of the room first before I look at what she has written. Mr. Channing has his back turned to the class as he draws some sort of diagram on the whiteboard. _R U new here?_ Are the words written below the first set of words. I look over to the blonde and she has the most unusual expression on her face.

She angles her upper body closer to me and whispers. "I've never seen you before."

I'm shocked that she would speak during class. I thought that passing notes back and forth was already bad enough. I don't want to get in trouble. That's not in my plan. I need to stay out of trouble.

I look around the room. No one seems to notice. If anyone does they don't do anything for it. Nobody turns around in there seats. Nobody shushes the cheerleader. Maybe no one heard her speak except for me.

With my pen I take the notebook and adjust it so I can write on the page. I won't speak in class even if she thinks that she can. If she wants to do this, I'll write. _Yeah, why?_ I write down and slide the notebook back over to the cheerleader. I'm hoping she won't want to know anymore because she's really starting to bother me. She's taking me away from the plan.

The blonde cheerleader reads what I wrote and starts writing something back. I roll my eyes. When will this end? When she's finished she looks up at me and slides the notebook back to me. Her eyes have a certain mischievous glint to them.

_Cuz I know everyone at this school and I know when I see someone new._

I look back to her and she's smiling away. Confident. Or maybe cocky.

"I'm Brittany. What's your name?" The blonde asks. My eyes go wide. This time when she spoke it was a lot louder than a whisper. Loud enough to get someone's attention for sure. I divert my eyes from 'Brittany' as soon as possible.

The teacher turns around, along with a few students, and glares at the blonde. "Brittany Pierce, are you talking during my class?" Mr. Channing nearly yells.

Out of the corner of my eye I see the cheerleader shrug and look away from the teacher. I duck my head hoping Brittany doesn't out me or that Mr. Channing won't direct his yells at me.

"Yeah." Brittany shrugs again. "I was just asking the new girl what her name is." The blonde explains to the teacher, ratting me out as her accomplice in the process.

"Well, ask her in your own time, not on my watch. This is my class and I expect you to be quiet while I'm teaching." The chemistry teacher shouts.

"Ok, sorry, Mr. Channing." Brittany says quietly. She ducks her head in apology.

"That goes for all of you, not just Ms. Pierce." Mr. Channing clarifies for the class. He turns back to face the whiteboard with a huff.

I try to pay attention but it's hard with the blonde sitting next to me. I keep glances over at Brittany to see her reaction to Mr. Channing yelling at her. She looks truly guilty. Sorry that she got caught. Sorry that she got yelled at and sorry that I was involved.

'Sorry.' She mouths and sighs. Brittany leans forward in her chair. She rests her right elbow on the table, and then her fist on her cheek, and stares off into space towards the front of the room.

I look from her to the notebook on the table in between the two of us. Mr. Channing is still at the whiteboard drawing his diagram when I look to the front of the classroom. I resume my note taking, trying to copy the diagram the exact way that Mr. Channing drew it. I listen and catch up with what the teacher is saying but every few minutes I catch myself looking over in Brittany's direction. Brittany catches me looking a couple times and smiles. Every time she smiles I look away quickly to avoid eye contact with Brittany.

When the class ends Brittany leaves in a hurry without saying anything.

* * *

Seventh period rolls around and I'm thankful. It's the last period of the school day. I'm relieved. I like school but it's been a long first day. Being at a new school is overwhelming. I'm just glad that the day is almost over and I can go home.

I find an empty desk in the middle of the room to sit at. There are already a few early arrivers to my seventh period American Literature class but the room is still more than half empty. I sit and get my notebook and folder out of my backpack for the class.

"Hey, new girl." The voice from earlier in the day rings in my ears. The voice that interrupted Chemistry class. I look up immediately to see Brittany passing by my desk. The blonde cheerleader half smiles at me as she passes by.

Brittany walks to the back of the room. I turn to see the blonde wave to another cheerleader who is already seated in a desk in the back row. They start up a conversation as Brittany takes the desk next to the other cheerleader. Brittany's desk is in the row I'm sitting in. Three desk separate her desk and my desk. I turn around in my desk to face forward and to keep from looking like I'm watching the two cheerleaders. I don't want anyone to see me watching and get labeled by other students as anything, especially not weird or a freak.

American Lit goes by like most of my other classes today. Boring first day stuff, the class overview gets handed out, the teacher goes over it with the class, and explains to the students what is expected from them. Mrs. Turner seems like a fair teacher and American Lit seems like it will be an easy class for me. I like to read and I've read a lot, so I don't expect to many problems from the class.

The bell rings signaling the end of the school day. The kids in my American Lit class disperse rather quickly. I'm packing my things into my backpack when a hand wraps over my shoulder. I jump and try not to scream but a little squeak comes out. I turn around to see what asshole thought it would be funny to scare the new kid.

When I turn around Brittany is standing there. When she sees the look on my face she drops her hand from my shoulder.

"Sorry." She ducks her head. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Any fright that might have remained in my body leaves me when I see the sad, sorry look on her face. I'm still aggravated though. "What do you want?" I try to sound very non-committal about it, but I really want to know why she approached me.

Brittany frowns. "I just wanted to know your name?"

I laugh cryptically. This again. "Yeah, right. So you can what, make fun of me? Find some way to rearrange my name or rhyme it with something derogatory to torture me."

"I wouldn't do that." Brittany looks everywhere but at me.

I turn away from her so I can leave. "Well, I don't believe you. You and your cheerleader friends probably already have it all planned out. I've seen it before, you're all the same. The popular kids always pick on the loners, losers, nerds, band and choir geeks. I'm not adding any flames to your fire." I tell Brittany and start walking away from her.

"What fire?" Brittany asks sounding confused. To my surprise Brittany starts after me. I hear her footstep following directly behind me. I look over my shoulder to confirm that she is in fact following me. I see the blonde shaking her head and looking at the ground in front of her. "I wouldn't do… what you said. I don't know what happened at your old school but I wouldn't do that to you."

I stop in my tracks and spin around. Brittany stops abruptly in front of me. We stand face to face, just a few inches away from one another. So close that I can see the freckles that dot the bridge of her nose and her cheeks. "Even if it's not _you_ somebody else will." I tell her firmly. "I'm leaving now. Don't follow me."

Brittany looks down at her toes. I take that as my sign to leave knowing that Brittany won't follow me. I walk down the hall to my locker, get the books and other things I need for the night and then walk out of the school. The hallways are nearly empty already. Everyone sure clears out of here fast.

Now that the school day is over I kind of dread going home. I don't want to be at school anymore after the long day that I've had but I also don't want to go home yet.

I get home at about 3:30. My dad's truck is parked in the driveway. I walk up the steps and into the house. My dad sits there in his recliner, beer in hand, already watching tv. He gets done with work at 3 and is already home and settled in for the rest of the day.

"Hey, dad." I greet him and shut the door. It's dark in the room. The windows are covered by curtains. The only light comes from whatever television program he is watching. It's probably sports, or hunting, or whatever else it is that he watches. One day I caught him watching Dr. Phil.

"How was school?" He grunts, never taking his eyes off of the tv screen.

"Fine." I reply shortly. "I'll be in my room studying." I tell him. I walk behind his recliner passing through the living room on my way to my room.

I get to my room and shut the door my behind me. I throw my backpack on the bed and close my eyes. I take a deep breath and try to put everything out of my mind expect for my homework. I try to let go of the whole day. School, the kids, my dad, that cheerleader Brittany. When I open my eyes my focus is solely on my homework.

* * *

**So that's the first installment. Let me know what you think. **

**I plan on continuing this story but i don't have a timeline for when chapters will be posted. They will be posted as i finish them and that's all i know about that. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I wake up Tuesday morning feeling fresh and ready for another day. The second day of school. Hopefully, today goes better than yesterday. Not that yesterday was bad, but it had it's challenges. The school will still be new, the surroundings still unfamiliar. That's one of the biggest challenges. Being uncomfortable in an unknown environment is nerve-wracking at the very least. And that's only gonna get better a day at a time. Each passing day that I spend at McKinley High it will get a little easier, I know that. The more time spent in the school the easier it will be to focus and feel at ease.

The second day, I find, going better than the first day. Mostly because the blonde cheerleader that bothered me yesterday doesn't even approach me. She doesn't sit next to me in third period Chemistry. I'm relieved that message that I sent the blonde got across. I just want to be left alone, keep my head down, not get involved with anything or anyone, and just do what I need to.

I figure if I stick to myself, stay out of trouble, stay away from anything that might derail my plans, pay attention in class, study at home, and get good grades everything will work out the way that I want it to. I just want to make it through my senior year in peace.

* * *

The rest of the week goes much the same. No one bothers me for the most part. A few people smile in passing and some bash their shoulders into me as they pass by in the hallways but that's the extent of contact with most of the kids at this school. Of course, I have to reply to teachers when they want or ask something, but other than that I keep my mouth shut. No one makes an attempt to start up a conversation with me all week long. That's the most important thing. I don't want to get to know anyone at this school. And I certainly don't want anyone to know anything about me. I reveal all that I'm willing to with my appearance. And even that's not much. My clothes are plain. I wear little make-up and my hair is either up in a ponytail or it's laying air-dried over my shoulders. Other than that I don't want anyone knowing any personal details about me or my life.

It almost surprises me at the end of the week that the blonde cheerleader who wanted to know my name on Monday hasn't made any other attempts to engage me.

* * *

There's a faint knock on my bedroom door. I take my headphone off my and hear a second knock, this one more aggressive than the first. I've spent most of my Saturday reading through the first chapters of my textbooks. If I read ahead I feel like I have an advantage over the other students at school, and sometimes even the teachers. I like to be prepared.

"Come in." I shout towards the door.

It can only be one of two people that are knocking. Sitting up from the headboard I see the doorknob twist and the door cracks open, an inch at first, before pushing open completely in one fast swoop. The imagine of my father stands in the doorframe. His eyes dart around the room before landing on me. He steps one foot into my room and stops.

"We're going to the store." He grunts. "You're driving." His arm moves and keys are thrown at me. It's a good thing I have good reflexes or his set of keys would be smashing into my left eye.

I take in a deep breath and remove my World History textbook from my lap and set it on bed next to me.

"Hurry up." My dad mumbles and turns away from me. He starts down the short hallway. I sigh and push myself up from the bed to follow him.

The drive to the store is a rather short one. The whole trip can't take more than five minutes but it's a silent drive. My dad doesn't say anything and never do I. I pull into the parking lot and put the truck into park. My dad grunts as he pushes the passengers side door open and slides out of the truck.

I follow behind him into the grocery store. It's not too busy thankfully. I hate having to weave up and down the aisles trying to avoid carts and people. I get a shopping cart not knowing what we are getting but wanting to be prepared. My dad's about twenty feet in front of me as we enter the store. I hurry to catch up to him before I lose him and end up roaming each aisle to locate him.

It's a short trip through the store but I definitely needed the cart. A few people mill about the front of the store as I pull the cart up to the checkout behind my dad. I watch him shove his hands into his pockets as we wait for the customer in front of us to finish paying for their groceries. Looks like I'll be the one doing all the work here and unloading our shopping cart items onto the belt. I don't really know if our items count as groceries though.

I bend over the shopping cart to retrieve the first few items. When I straighten up something flashes across my eyes. Something blonde. I stop and scan the area. Sure enough the blonde cheerleader from my first day of school is standing about ten feet away from me with two checkouts separating us.

I can't believe this is happening right now. Not now. Not here. Not with my dad at the grocery store. Everything was going so well.

The blonde walks by the checkout. "Hey, Tony." She calls out. The cashier at our checkout turns from his work, says hey to the blonde, and nods at her.

I look from the cashier to Brittany. She comes around the end of the checkout aisle and she's only a few feet from me now. Her eyes glance from me to the shopping cart. I glance at the cart too and remember the items that are inside. Dread fills my body at the thought that Brittany can see the items too.

Two cases of beer and ten tv dinners. That's it. That's all that's in the shopping cart.

I brave a look in Brittany's direction. The blonde nods at me and then walks away in the opposite direction.

"Let's go, Santana." My dad snaps me out of my inner turmoil. I reach down and finish emptying the cart. I stand there numb as I try to push past the fact that I saw the cheerleader in the grocery store. That she saw me. That's grounds for enough ridicule right there but than add to it the items that my dad is purchasing. The whole school will probably here about this by Monday. How the new girl was spotted shopping with her daddy. And how the only two things they were buying were beer and cheap tv dinners.

* * *

Starting the school day on Monday I thought I would hear whispers of the new girl and that she was spotted shopping with her dad but I didn't hear a thing. Maybe everyone is just doing a good job of keeping the gossip away from me.

The day goes smoothly until Chemistry class. Which isn't very long cuz Chemistry is third period. The seat to my right sits vacant until a blonde cheerleader slides into it. Where she came from I'm not really sure. Behind me and to my left but I'm in the last row so mostly just from my left. One second the seat was empty the next the cheerleader was sitting in it.

I glance over at the girl fearing the questions that might come from her lips. About seeing me at the grocery store on Saturday. About the man I was with. About the items we were purchasing.

"Good morning. How was your weekend?" The blonde cheerleader asks instead.

Her words shocks me a little. It's not at all what I thought was gonna come from her mouth. I lean back in my chair and narrow my eyes at her. The blonde isn't looking at me though. It's almost as if she didn't even speak to me. She's, instead, taking her books out of her backpack.

"Fine." I answer her question quietly, skeptically.

She's still taking things from her backpack. A pen. An eraser. "Was that your dad?" Brittany fires back without looking in my direction.

What the hell? "Yeah." I tell her. I don't want to reveal too much. I'm sure she figured that the man I was with was my dad but maybe not. I don't want her to know anymore than that. I feel like it's already too much that she saw my dad and can now identify him.

The bell rings.

Saved by the bell. I don't have to discuss my father or the trip to the grocery store with Brittany anymore. Mr. Channing starts talking and I focus in on him.

The cheerleader leaves me alone during class. She doesn't try to pass me any notes. She doesn't try to talk to me. She doesn't do anything but sit there. She doesn't even take notes as Mr. Channing talks. I'm starting to wonder how this girl manages to pass her classes without doing any work. Is she super smart and remembers everything just by listening? Or could the blonde not have a care in the world and won't pass her classes? I suppose either is a possibility at this point. I don't really know her well enough and we aren't far enough into the school year to have any exams or papers were I could see what kind of grades she gets.

When the bell rings, signaling the end of class, I start packing up my things.

"See you in American Lit." Brittany says at my side. I look up to see her rising from her chair, her backpack already packed. She waves to someone at the front of the room and jogs over to them. One of Brittany's friends probably. They walk out of the room side by side. I return to my things and gather them up quickly before I'm late for my next class.

* * *

The blonde cheerleader shows up as promised in American Lit. Brittany takes the desk directly behind the one I'm sitting in. A nervousness, or maybe it's anxiety, rings through my body immediately. There's something about the blonde sitting directly behind me that is unsettling.

"You ever gonna tell me your name, New Girl?" The blonde whispers into my left ear just as the bell rings to start class.

I don't respond. I can't. Not that I want to anyway. Every muscle in my body is frozen. Brittany's words linger in my brain.

"Alright, class turn to page 34 of your books and we'll begin." Ms. Turner's voice rings throughout the room. She's a short woman, stout, but has the voice of a giant.

I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts. It's gonna be a long period with the blonde sitting right behind me. I know, without knowing Brittany all that well, that anything could happen.

The class goes on and Brittany doesn't once do something to make a scene or even get my attention. I'm uneasy at the thought because she could still have anything up her sleeve.

When class end I start packing up my books without a second thought. I'm just waiting for the blonde cheerleader to say or do something. Maybe she'll tell the students around us about the grocery store or maybe she'll knock something off my desk and laugh at me.

I'm zipping my backpack when I see her. Brittany comes from behind me and stands right next to my desk, blocking it so I can't get up. I wait for whatever is coming.

"I don't bite." The blonde pauses. "Well, unless you want me to. But, I'm not a vampire."

I finally look up. Blue eyes are looking down at me. What did she just say? "What?" I ask with a slight shake of the head.

"Listen, I understand. You're new. That's scary and you don't trust anyone here. I don't blame you." The blonde shrugs. "Heck, if it were me, I wouldn't trust anyone in this hell hole either."

I furrow my brow at her. "I'm not scared." For some reason I feel like I need to defend myself. I cross my arms over my chest and stare Brittany down.

She completely ignores what I say. "I just wanna know your name." Brittany says. There's something desperate about the way she says it. It almost sounds like a plea.

"Why?"

"Because I like you." She says looking down at her shoes suddenly.

"You don't even know me, you can't like me." I counter. Who is this girl? Seriously. "Now let me get up." I demand.

Brittany takes a step backwards, leaving enough room for me to stand up from my desk.

"Please?" The cheerleader asks as soon as I'm standing. Her hands fiddle with the flaps of her Cheerios skirt. We stand only inches apart. "Tell me your name." Brittany says looking straight into my eyes. Her voice is so small.

A scoff leaves my mouth and I roll my eyes. This is unbelievable. "Couldn't you find out yourself seeing as you know everyone at this damn school. Ask someone. Ask a teacher or something." I reach for my backpack. Once I have the strap in my hand I push passed Brittany. I really don't want to deal with her or her bullshit.

"I could but…" Brittany starts but stops as I start to walk away from her.

I get to the door with every intention of leaving the blonde in my dust. But I stop for reasons I can't figure out and turn to look over my shoulder. Brittany stands in the same spot that I left her, looking down at the floor. "But what?" I ask quietly.

Brittany slowly raises her head. She's biting her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes light up a little when she sees me still standing in the room. "But… I want you to tell me. I wanna hear it from you." Brittany admits.

The blonde looks super unsure of herself right now. And I'm super unsure of what's happen right now. With her, with me, with everything. I take a deep breath and just think for a little bit. I watch Brittany. There's just something about her that I can't put my finger on. There's something about her that I've never seen before in another human being but I can't figure out what exactly it is. Her body language screams at me. I don't know how to read the girl but I know that not telling her my name will be devastating for her.

"It's Santana. Santana Lopez."

The blonde stops chewing on her lip and smiles. It's not like any smile I've ever seen before. Brittany's smile is full on, bright, genuine, happy, pure. Her cheeks pull back, her teeth shimmer white, and her nose even wrinkles a little. It's probably the biggest smile I've ever seen.

"Okay." She speaks. I pull my eyes from her smile to her eyes. Even Brittany's eyes are smiling. It's like I've just giving her 10 million dollars. She seems so happy and simply because I told her my name.

"Have a good rest of your day, Santana." Brittany tells me. I can sense that she is excited to finally get to say my name. It's the dumbest thing but she's happy about it for reasons I'll probably never understand.

I nod and turn my back to her. I go to take a step to leave but something catches and I stumble forward. I reach with my right hand and brace myself against the door frame. When I catch my balance, I step away from the classroom trying my best not to look like I just tripped over my own feet.

I hurry to my locker and then out of the school.

* * *

Homework is suppose to be the first and most important thing on my mind at the moment but a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, cheerleader keeps creeping into my thoughts. Actually, my thoughts are probably more about the blonde than my homework. I'll have two or three thoughts about the blonde and one about my homework, and so on.

It's just that Brittany looked so sad that I was going to leave without telling her my name. Ultimately, I think that's why I turned around. That's why I stayed and told her my name. It's seems so insignificant to me. A name. But to Brittany it seemed like everything. So I had to. I just had to tell her my name.

I've thought about it but I can't figure out why Brittany wanted to know my name so bad. Or better yet why she wants anything to do with me. Brittany's a popular cheerleader with tons of friends. Even by the blonde's own words, she knows everyone in the school. What in the world could she want with me. As far as I know she didn't blab to anyone about our encounter at the grocery store on Saturday. If she doesn't want to bully or make fun of me, what in the world could she want and why is my name so important?

A crashing sound makes me jump. My whole body freezes as I listen for more sounds. The thoughts of Brittany are mostly forgotten now as I here muffed expletives coming from somewhere in the house. I sigh and get up from my bed. Walking down the hallway I can here my dad mumbling to himself. His in the kitchen, standing at the counter. There is a broken glass scattered all over the kitchen floor. I look around the room. The microwave is running. That's when I realize he is waiting for his food. Whether he is ignoring the glass on the floor or has forgotten about it is unknown.

"What happened?" I ask, curious.

My father glances over his shoulder to look at me. It takes a few second for his eyes to focus on me. He blinks a few times and points to the floor. Then he shrugs and turns back to check on his food in the microwave.

"Clean that up, Santana." He pushes the button to open the microwave door and takes his tv dinner out. "I'll be in the living room." He mumbles as he brushes passed me. He completely disregards the broken shards of glass as he walks across them.

I shake my head and sigh. Where else would he be other then in his recliner in the living room?

I tiptoe around the broken glass with my sock covered feet. Grabbing the broom and dust pan from the closet I get to work on the glass. It only takes a couple minutes to clean up the glass and I return the broom and dust pan to their home. I rinse my hands in the kitchen sink and then return to my bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I shouldn't be surprised when Brittany sits down next to me in Chemistry the next day. The blonde pulls out her chair slowly as she eyes me. She glances up my body until her eyes reach mine and she smiles. I find myself smiling back - but not a full smile - I don't show Brittany any teeth. My smile somehow seems to make her smile grow bigger.

Brittany takes her seat after our little, weird smile exchange. I duck my head and make little scribbles in my notebook so it doesn't seem like I'm watching her but I secretly am. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her take out her Chemistry book, a notebook, folder, and pen. She opens her notebook and settles in for the start of class.

I take notes upon notes as Mr. Channing talks about the elements. The class has gone smoothly so far. When Mr. Channing takes a break to take a drink from his coffee cup and I glance to my right. There's something about the blonde next to me that has been bothering me. She just sits there throughout class, sometimes she writes something in her notebook but she mostly just sits there looking towards the front of the classroom. I can't tell if she's paying attention or if she's daydreaming. I won't be surprised if it was the later.

I lean to my right a little, but not noticeably, to get a look at the blonde's notebook that's less than two feet from me. I'm curious to know what kind of notes Brittany takes. But they're not so much notes as little doodles written on the paper.

I find it odd that Brittany doesn't take notes but I don't want to judge her. She's gotten this far hasn't she, she's in Chemistry. That's not exactly a beginner science class. Maybe she doesn't need to take notes to pass exams. I'm actually a little jealous. I wish I didn't have to take notes; that I didn't have to study and could just remember everything I needed to know. But that would never work for me.

The bell rings at the end of class and everyone in class, myself included, starts packing up their belongs to head to their next class. Brittany's quicker than I am and stands up before me. "Have a good day, Santana." I look up and the blonde is smiling down at me warmly.

"Okay." I nod. I'm not sure what else to say. Brittany nods and turns to leave. I watch as she nearly skips to the front of the room. She seems like she's always full of energy and she seems a little strange. There's something about her that I can't quite name. I don't know what it is. She's energetic and light on her feet but at the same time she seems to hate, or very much dislike, being in class and paying attention. She seems to just float through both the day and the school in a good and bad way.

I think over her words again. Should I have told her to have a good day too? Should I have said something other than just 'okay'? Or should I not even bother thinking about it? Probably. Brittany is just a distraction from my plan. I need to remember that and not get too wrapped up in her strange ways.

But what did she mean? Is she not gonna be in American Lit. _Have a good day. _Did she imply that I won't see her again today?

* * *

At lunch I get my food from the lunch line and sit by myself just like I've done every other day so far at this school. I'm used to it. I didn't really have friends at my old school. I don't really do friends. There were people that would sit with me but it wasn't like we had deep conversations or anything. We mostly just ate and went on our way. Sometimes a discussion was had but it was never deep or personal. The _friends_ I had were mostly focused with staying quiet and not getting attention from the rest of the kids in the cafeteria.

It's clear who's friends with who at lunchtime. Everyone sits with their friends at lunch. It's not like during class where everyone has their only desk or seat and are spread out throughout a classroom. At lunch kids sit right next to each other, sometimes cramming together to fit as many friends as possible at a lunch table.

I take a few minutes to look around. There's a pattern, I've noticed. Everyone sits in the same spot everyday. I don't want to say that the tables are assigned or claimed in any way. But the jocks all sit at the same table everyday. The same goes for every other group. Each groups has a table and they stick to that table.

There's a group of cheerleaders a few table in front of the one I sit at. They stick out with their cheerleading uniforms on. The only group that sticks out more are the football players with their Letterman jackets. It's seems that unless it's game day they were they're jackets around school. On Friday last week, game day, they had forgone their jackets and worn their football jerseys instead.

All but a few of the cheerleaders are unfamiliar to me. I spot the few that are in some of my classes but none of them have the blonde hair and blue eyes that I'm looking for. It makes me wonder where Brittany could be. I haven't seen her at lunch in all the days that I've been at this school.

* * *

American Literature finally rolls around. There's just something about the last class of the day that I like. The class starts with no sign of Brittany. Not that I care but her words from earlier in the day come back to me when she doesn't show. Mrs. Turner starts talking about how we are gonna start the next chapter of our book at the same time that she waddles over to shut the door. She tugs on the handle of the door so it will start closing automatically and starts walking away as the door shuts.

Sneakers squeak across the tile floor outside the door and I look in the direction of the noise. A body slides in between the door and the doorframe seconds before the door can close completely.

Brittany comes to a halt just inside the now closed door. She wears a guilty smile and is slightly out of breath. She nods an apology to Mrs. Turner.

"Just take a seat, Ms. Pierce." The teacher rolls her eyes.

There's only one empty seat in the whole room. I guess that's what happens when you come late to class. The desk is on the opposite side of the room from where I'm sitting. I'm a little bummed that Brittany didn't come in before class started. I don't know why. Maybe I thought she would try to talk or interact with me.

We read in class, out loud. Which was super boring cuz I've already read the book that we are reading. My eyes skim over the words on the page a student read a few paragraphs before passing the reading duties to the next student. I only pay enough attention to know where we are so that when it comes to my turn I won't be lost and look like an idiot.

Looking around the classroom some students are reading along, pay attention, but I see a few who are passed out on their desk. My eyes roam the room coming last to Brittany. She's in the first desk at the front of the room, closest to the door. The blonde is looking across the room, out the window. I glance quickly at the teacher. Mrs. Turner's looking down at her book, following along. I make a decision and in a daring move I wave my arm at Brittany. She catches the motion right away and smiles. I smile back tentatively then I have to look away.

I glance at the clock on the wall at the front of the room wishing the class was over already. I want to know what Brittany has to say to me after class. I know she has something. I look at her and I can see it in her eyes. She's waiting too. Waiting for the class to be over.

The bell rings, after I pack up my books I find myself walking towards the door. A part of me is hoping that Brittany will stop me and say something.

"How come you weren't reading?" She asks as she zips her backpack.

"I've read this book before." I reply simply.

Brittany chuckles. "So, you are a nerd."

"I'm not." I tell her calmly. My hands putz with the straps of my backpack. The thing is, I don't want to be known as a nerd and I don't think of myself as a nerd, but I kind of am. At least a book nerd. I'm well read, that's all.

"Whatever you say." Brittany shrugs. "Are you going to the football game on Friday night." She changes the subject and I don't know why she's asking me. Brittany throws her backpack over her shoulder and gives me a pointed look.

"Hell, no." I blurt. I don't want to be caught at a football game. It's not my thing.

"Why not?" Brittany asks. Can't she just take no for an answer and leave it at that.

"Why would I?" I challenge and cross my arms over my chest.

I watch as Brittany rolls her eyes. "Cuz everybody in this town goes to the football game." She sounds bored with her own words.

"Well, not me. I'll be at home on Friday night." I admit. I don't know why I told her but whatever. My policy is to not tell anyone anything about me or my life voluntarily but for whatever reason I just brought that policy.

"Guess you'll miss seeing me in action then." Brittany continues.

"Whatever." I roll my eyes. I'm done with this conversation. I don't even know why I stopped. I walk passed Brittany and out the door.

Brittany follows me though. "Don't you wanna see what I can do?" Brittany asks and I laugh.

"Someone's full of themselves."

Brittany sighs. "I am not." She sounds offended, maybe, defeated. Sad even.

I stop and turn around. "What's your game, Brittany?" I ask her. I'm truly confused by this girl. If I didn't know any better I would say she's asking me to come to the football game or that she wants me there.

"No game. I just wanna get to know you. Be your friend." Brittany says. Her words are sincere, honest, serious.

She's gotta be kidding me. "You have tons of friends, don't you?" I ask. My voice raised and a little harsh. I don't wanna play games and I feel like that's exactly what's happening here.

Brittany bows her head as I stare at her waiting for an answer. She scuffs the toe of her sneaker on the tile, making a little squeak. "I guess." She mumbles.

My brow furrows. "What does that mean?"

Brittany shakes her head, then finally looks back up and connects her eyes with mine. There's something sad in her gaze. She straightens her back and stands tall again. "It means I know everyone but not everyone is my friend."

"Huh." I grunt. I'm even more confused now. I shake my head. This girl is really confusing.

"Nevermind." The blonde says and steps passed me. Her shoulder brushes against mine as she goes by. "Have a good evening, Santana."

I turn and watch as Brittany walks away from me. I watch until she disappears around a corner. Once Brittany is gone I look around and realize that there is no one around and that I'm standing in the hallway all by myself. Does it really clear out of here that fast after the final bell rings or did I spend a large amount of time talking to Brittany?

* * *

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. I kept to myself and did my school work. The blonde cheerleader left me alone after our 'conversation' after school on Tuesday. It actually seemed like Brittany was avoiding me intentionally. She didn't sit next to me in class and she didn't try and talk to me. We never made eye contact once.

I don't know if Brittany is mad at me or what. The more I think about the conversation we had, the more I'm convinced that I said something wrong, and that it upset her or made her mad. I don't know what I said that would have been so upsetting though. That girl is so confusing, it just doesn't make sense to me.

I'm in my room Friday night when I hear the call. "Santana, supper's ready." The female voice calls down the hall. I pop up from my bed, putting my books aside, and hurry to the kitchen.

An actual meal sits on the counter. It's a yummy looking casserole.

"This looks great, Nancy." I send the woman a compliment and dish up some casserole for myself. I really appreciate the days when we have more then tv dinners for supper. My dad doesn't cook unless you count microwaving a tv dinner. So when Nancy is home she'll make dinner.

"My baby makes the best damn meals." My dad pipes up from his place at the small kitchen table.

I nod in agreement. Nancy's food really is good, whatever she makes. The bad part is that Nancy isn't home that often for dinner. She's maybe here two or three nights a week. The woman works at a diner on the outskirts of Lima and her shifts are often all over the place and she works mostly evenings. She doesn't have a consistent work schedule so I never know what nights will be tv dinner and what nights will be a home cooked meal. I'm thankful that she is willing to cook something on nights when she is home.

I take my plate to the table and sit down. I'm only a few bites in when conversation starts. It's not unusually but it doesn't happen every time we all sit down to eat together.

"Do you wanna watch a movie with us tonight, Santana?" Nancy asks gesturing between herself and my father.

"Uh-" I stutter. "-I was actually thinking of going to the football game tonight. If that's alright?"

They both look at me with stunned expressions. Me going to a school function is, well, it never happens. I don't think either of them know what to say.

My dad clears his throat after a few seconds to break the silence. "Sure. You can take the truck." He even offers.

"Thanks." I'm a little surprised at what's happen right now too. "I might not even stay for the whole game. Someone told me that, like, the whole town will be there. I just wanted to check it out." I tell them.

"Okay." Nancy says and digs back into her meal. My dad does the same thing after he nods to me. I don't think anyone knows what to say right now. It's not like me to go outside of my usually activities and go to a high school football game. "Eat first, Santana." Nancy adds.

I nod and scoop up a forkful of casserole and bring it to my lips. It might be an interesting night.

* * *

I put on an extra sweatshirt and head out for the game after supper. When I pull into the parking lot I can hear the crowd cheering before I even get out of the truck. On the walk over to the bleachers I see that Brittany was right. The whole town seems to be here. If the lack of traffic on the roads wasn't enough of an indication the stands are packed with bodies.

The game has already started. I knew it would have. When I left the house it was seven already and I found out the football games start at seven sharp. With the bleachers seemingly at full capacity it seems unlikely to find a seat. A few people mingle along the chain link fence that separates the football field and track from the stands and everything else. I stand off to the side, so I'm not in any walking lanes, at the end of the bleachers, along the fence.

Football players run all over the field and I have no idea how football works so I have no idea what the point of all their running is. My dad watches endless amounts of football on tv but I don't think I've watched more than a minute or two in my whole life. I have no clue what's going on. One football player runs down the field with someone from the other team chasing him. The crowd erupts in cheers as the football player stops at the end of the field. The whole crowd yells and screams and jumps up and down. The guy on the field must have scored. I watch the scene around me in awe. So many people coming together for one event, cheering, and have a fun time. I can see why all these people would come to a football game.

As a whistle is blown I scan the crowd and then back to the field. My eyes catch on the group of cheerleaders that are standing on the track in between the football field and the bleachers. They're cheering with all they've got, jumping up and down, doing tumbles and flips. I spot Brittany in the mix of red and white and pompoms. She's cheering just as hard, if not harder, than anyone else on the team. I can't help but laugh as Brittany throws one pompom in the air, yells something, and then catches it. She's cute.

A little while later there's a long whistle and football players start running off the field in my direction. My eyes widen in fear as they get closer. Where are they going and why are they coming at me? I look around franticly and finally notice a gate in the chain link fence in front of me. I quickly step out of the way so I don't get trampled seconds before the first football player reaches the gate. A wind blows across me as the whole team runs passed me. They go by me and I watch as they run around to the backside of the bleachers.

During my near death encounter with the football team a woman's voice blares over the loud speakers. I turn back to the field just in time to catch the end of the woman's announcement. "Now, if you'll all turn your attention to the center of the field. The McKinley High School Cheerios will be performing their awarding winning halftime show."

Music then blares over the loud speakers and I see the cheerleaders run onto the football field and get into formation. They go through their whole routine. It's good. I don't see any mistakes. It's not sloppy in any way, shape, or form. The routine is clean and crisp. There's tumbling, gymnastics, cheerleaders are thrown in the air, and they end with a pyramid. I think they could be a professional group if they weren't high school kids.

I clap with the rest of the crowd when the music finishes and the cheerleaders come down from their pyramid. The crowd is cheering just as loud for the Cheerios as they did for the football team.

The gate next to me opens again as I'm scanning the crowd and I expect more football players to run by. When I refocus my eyes they aren't football players that are running by but cheerleaders. I watch them run passed wondering where they are going. At the end of the line of Cheerios is Brittany.

"Hey, you came." Brittany says with a happy smile. She comes to a stop in front of me, the fence between us. She seems excited but out of breath.

I shrug. I don't want to make a big deal out of my presence at the game. "I had to see what it was all about for myself. I've never been to one of these." I admit.

"Well, cool." Brittany bounces in her place. "I'm glad you came. I gotta go." She says and takes a step.

"Are you all done?" I don't know why I ask. I look away from her after the words leave my mouth. What's wrong with me?

"I wish." I look back to see Brittany shake her head like she's contemplating something. "We get a little break now but it's back to cheering after that." She bites her bottom lip between her teeth and looks at something over my shoulder. "You gonna stay for the whole game?" Brittany asks sounding hopeful that I'll say yes.

I shrug.

"Let's go Brittany." Someone yells from behind me. I turn my head to see a blonde cheerleader waving Brittany over impatiently.

"I gotta go." Brittany says again.

I just nod. Brittany gives me one last look before running by me. The blonde runs behind the bleachers much like the football players did a few minutes before.

* * *

I didn't stay. I didn't even stay until the football players took the field again. I walked back to the truck a few seconds after Brittany disappeared behind the bleachers.

I don't know why but I had to leave. I don't know why I was at that stupid football game in the first place. That's not my place. It's not my usual M.O. In the past I've never gone to school events. I've hardly never even leave the house most of the time. I just go to school and come home. I know that's not much of a life and that I'm not living my teenage years or whatever but that's what I'm used to, comfortable with. It's not like I can afford to or anything. Running all over town and having fun are not on my agenda anyway. I need to focus more on my plan for this year and try and push all other distractions aside.

I pull into the short driveway and pull up next to Nancy's car. The house is dark except for the glow from the television as I walk up the step to the front door.

"Where the fuck have you been?" My dad yells as soon as I shut the door. I step into the living room and he sits up straighter in his recliner, eyeing me suspiciously.

"The football game. I told you I was going." I tells him. I don't know what his deal is right now. When I left he was fine with it, everything was calm and pleasant.

"Calm down, Diego." Nancy tells him and pats his forearm with her palm.

He does the exact opposite of 'calm down'. My dad stands up from his chair. He wobbles on his feet while he takes the few steps towards me. "I thought you were in your room. You aren't aloud to leave this house without telling me." He raises his arm and pokes his forefinger to my chest, hard.

I flinch but don't move from where I stand.

"Sit down, Diego." Nancy yells at him.

"Don't tell me what to do woman." He points a threatening finger at her before returning it to my chest. He pokes hard. "You are not aloud out of this house without my permission." My dad shouts in my face, poking me one final time.

My eyes water but I refuse to cry in front of him. "Okay." I tell him quietly.

"Go to your room." He shoves me in the direction of my room. "You're grounded." He yells after.

I stumble before righting my footing. I hurry away from him as fast as I can. I hear Nancy say something to my dad as I get to my bedroom door but don't register what it is. I shut the door, careful not to slam it knowing that will cause more yelling. I lock the door and lean my head against it trying to catch my breath and calm my rapidly beating heart.

With a few deep breaths I finally collect myself. I'm able to push away from the door and go to my bed. I sit down and pull my backpack to my side to take out my schoolwork. This is what I should have been doing all night instead of going to that idiotic football game. Grabbing the headphones off the nightstand I plug them into the small radio that I have. I open my book for American Lit and start reading, trying to push this night to the back of my mind, trying to forget.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After my dad 'grounded' me, I stayed in my room the entire weekend. The only times I left were to eat, shower, and use the bathroom. I hid out in there for two days straight doing homework and reading. It wasn't too far from what I normally would do on the weekend with the exception that I didn't want to leave my room or see my dad. I probably spend ninety percent of my time in my bedroom when I'm not 'grounded'.

He didn't say much to me the few times that we saw each other in passing or when we happened to be in the kitchen at the same time. Even though he grounded me it wasn't really a grounding. My dad didn't seem to care the next day about the whole situation the night before. He probably thought I was just staying in my room like usual. I could probably walk out the front door and my dad wouldn't say anything about it. It doesn't matter to me though. I'm happy staying in my bedroom. He can watch tv all he wants in the living room and I'll just stay in my room and do homework for as long as I want.

I'm really looking forward to turning eighteen in a couple of months and being an adult. When the school year is over I can do whatever the hell I want and my dad can't do anything about it.

"Hey." I jump in my chair. "Why didn't you stay for the second half?" Brittany sits down next to me and I try to slow my heart rate before I answer her question. Not that I have an appropriate answer.

"I had to get home." I lie to her.

"Oh." Brittany stick out her lip in a little pout. "I was hoping you woulda stayed." The blonde starts taking things out of her backpack and setting them on the table as she speaks. "I wanted to invite you to pizza after the game. The cheerleaders and football players always get pizza after the games." She finally looks back at me after she finished and smiles.

"That's okay." I politely decline. "I wouldn't want to intrude. As you can see-" I gesture to my clothes. "-I'm not a football player or cheerleader."

Brittany looks at me for a long minute. "You could be." She smirks. "A cheerleader, I mean."

I can't hold back the laugh that bubbles up. She's funny. Brittany really thinks I could be a cheerleader. What kind of crazy drugs is that girl on? Seriously, is she blind? I couldn't be a cheerleader. I'm like the furthest thing from a cheerleader.

I notice a few kids looking at me and wondering why I'm laughing like a crazy person.

"What are you doing, Pierce?" A male voice yells from across the room. "Goofing around with the New Girl. She doesn't want any." He sneers. His buddy next to him laughs and gives him a high five.

"What?" I mumble in confusion.

Brittany ducks her head when I look in her direction. "It's nothing. Just Rick being a jackass, that's all." Her voice is quiet and she won't look at me.

"Well, I'm not gonna be a cheerleader." I return to our original conversation. "Is that what this is about?" I wave my finger between Brittany and myself as the realization hits me. Is that why Brittany has been trying to befriend me? Because she wants me to join the Cheerios.

"No." Brittany says without looking up. "I told you I just wanna be your friend. Though, I think you could be a cheerleader with a little practice, you've got the body for it."

My eyes widen at her.

The bell rings.

Does that mean Brittany has checked me out and possibly thought about my body? She probably just means in an athletic way. I mean I'm just overreacting, right. I straighten up in my chair and face Mr. Channing at the front of the room. He starts speaking and I zone out.

Does Brittany really mean what she said? I don't know if I can believe her or not. Why would she wanna be my friend? There has to be some sort of ulterior motive, right? Something her cheerleader friends put her up to. I can see her doing something for or because of them. That seems to be the most logical reason. Maybe a football player wants her to become friends with me. They probably want Brittany to get dirt on me that they can use in the future to hurt me in some way. There's gotta be something. I don't know who is putting her up to this, it just seems so suspicious. She's got tons of friends, it could be anyone. Whatever she's trying to do with me has to be some kind of game. I can't trust her.

The bell rings at the end of class. I spent most of the class in my own head. I only looked at Brittany once but she wasn't paying attention to me or anything else for that matter.

"I'll see ya in American Lit. Save me a seat." Brittany's face comes into view in front of me. I try not to act too alarmed but she totally just invaded my personal space by bending at the waist and sticking her face in mine.

"Uh- yeah." I stutter.

What is this girl doing? She smiles at my response, then backs away quickly. I exhale as Brittany waves before starting for the classroom door.

* * *

My messed up brain actually makes the decision and I end up saving the desk behind mine for Brittany. My backpack sits on the desktop as I count the seconds before the bell rings. Nearly the whole class has arrived and all the seats around me are filling up. A girl walks down my aisle and tries to sit in the desk behind me.

"You can't sit there."

"Why not?" The girl scowls at me.

"Because- I'm- I'm saving it for my friend."

"Huh." The girl huffs and rolls her eyes. "Like you have friends." She says darkly and walks away to find a different desk. Her retort might have hurt if I were someone else but I've never had 'friends' in the past and I've resigned myself to that fact. It doesn't bother me when someone tries to offend me by saying something about me not having friends.

Thankfully, Brittany runs in just as the bell rings. I pull my backpack from the top of the desk and set it on the ground next to my feet.

"Why are you always late to this class?" I whisper to Brittany.

She smiles. "Wouldn't you like to know?" She winks.

"Alright class, listen up." Mrs. Turner starts class and I turn around in my seat to face the front.

The teacher drones on about a paper that we have to write for the book that we are reading. All the while I'm thinking about why Brittany is always late. I would really like to know. Why is it that most of the time the blonde cheerleader is late for this class? Is it something important that she is doing before this? Is the reason related to school or something else? The possibilities are endless.

"Do you wanna hang out sometime? Get ice cream or something? Go to a movie? I don't know." Brittany whispers in my ear the second after the final bell of the day rings. All the students rush to get out of the classroom and with all the commotion it's hard to hear what she said but I managed. Boy, did I get it. The words, the intention. I got it all. I'm startled with the suddenness and the meaning.

"I can't." Is my automatic response. I sit still in my desk and hope that Brittany will drop the subject.

"Ever?" She asks and spins around so she's sitting in the now empty desk in front of me. Her face inches from mine, that warm, charming smile of hers on her lips.

"Uh-" I stutter trying to think of something to say. "I- I don't know. I mean, I might be able to sometime. I would have to check with my dad first." I tell her even though I would never 'check with my dad first' and I certainly wouldn't tell him about Brittany or that we were going to hang out. The less he knows the better.

Brittany doesn't miss a beat. "Of course. I have Cheerios practice after school most days so it would have to be after that or on the weekend." She says easily. "I could show you around town, New Girl." Brittany leans closer to me and grin like she holds the secrets to the city.

"Yeah, okay." My voice cracks. I rub my palms on my jeans. Why are they so sweaty?

"I gotta go now. We can talk more about this later." Brittany stands and arranges the backpack on her shoulders. "See ya, Santana." She grins one final time before turning to leave.

"Yeah." I mumble as Brittany walks away. My heart beats harder in my chest, my throat dry, and my hands clammy. Once Brittany is out of sight, I pack up my backpack and leave. It's strange that there's never anyone around after school. Even the teacher, where did she go?

My walk home gives me time to think about what just transpired. Brittany claims that she wants to be my friend, that she wants to get to know me, but her offer to hang out sounded more like a date than anything else. Or is she just messing with me? Did one of her friends put her up to this? I could be wrong, the girl is still super confusing sometimes but something in me feels like she was being genuine and that she actually wants to hang out.

I've never really done that before. I didn't have friends at my old school that I would hang out with, so the concept is somewhat foreign to me. Not that I never did anything but when I did it wasn't friendly hangs out. I knew girls but we didn't ever hang out. Those girls I mostly used for my own benefit. Friends with benefits would be a generous term because I was never friends with any of them.

I've known that I was into girls since I was probably thirteen or fourteen. I never thought it was that big of a deal. I never told anyone outright. The girls I hooked up with I mostly met at parties when I and they were drunk. My dad doesn't know, neither does Nancy. The only people who know are the handful of girls that I've slept with in the past. And for the most part I want to keep it that way. I don't feel like my sexuality is something that I want out in the open, it's not something I want to advertise or flaunt. It's mine and I don't want anyone else putting any labels on me.

If Brittany wants to hang out then fine. I'll figure out how to do it like a normal person, who has regular friends would, but that's as far as I'll allow it to go. I have a goal in mind for the school year. Brittany is a distraction. She has been from day one but she seems to be a distraction that I'm gonna have to learn how to deal with. I can't ignore her, it's just not possible. She's relentless.

It's not so much a problem with me leaving the house to go do something with Brittany but the coming home that could cause issues. That and the fact that I don't have any money to spend. I'll have to convince Brittany to do things that are free or very cheap when we decide to spend time together. I know my dad doesn't have extra money. And I know that he won't care if I'm gone if I tell him I'm hanging out with friends. Like with the football game he will be pleased that I am interacting with other teenagers and won't question my motives or whereabouts. The only problem will be upon my return home when he forgets that I went out. That's when I risk getting in trouble.

The more I see of Brittany, the more I want to get to know her. It's just that I've never done the whole friend thing. I think that's what scares me the most. I don't let anyone get close enough to me to know the real Santana. I'm afraid if I let a friend in they will be able to see a side of me that no one else has ever seen before, a side that I don't want them to see.

For whatever reason, I'm actually considering letting her become my friend. Brittany seems different. Not many people would continue to pursue me to be there friend after I shot them down multiply times. But Brittany keeps coming back.

She's a unique girl, to put it simply. Yes, I find Brittany attractive, but I find a lot of people attractive. She's pretty in any case. She has beautiful blue eyes and silky blonde hair. I'd be lying if I said I've never checked her out. Brittany got the most perfect, athletic body. Being a cheerleader must be more physically demanding than I thought cuz Brittany is in great shape. That Cheerios skirt makes her legs look amazing too.

The girl has all the things I like in a potential hook up, but I don't think I could ever hook up with Brittany. I don't want to use her. Brittany seems too nice for me to do something like that to her. I do like the attention that I get from her, but I can't ever see myself having sex with her just because. First off, it would probably cause a big mess because I would have to see her everyday after. Second, I assume it would crush Brittany.

In a different world, I think we could be good together, a good fit. But this isn't a different world, it's this damn one.

After all my thinking, I think it best to let Brittany take me out of ice cream or whatever it is she wants to do. I'll try this friend business out even though I don't have any experience in that area. If Brittany wants to be find I'll try my best to do that.

The one thing I know for sure is that my father can never find out about Brittany and that we are becoming friends. That would probably put a kibosh on the whole thing. Other than being friends with Brittany, I can still stick to my plan of keeping my head down, staying out of trouble, making good grades, and getting the hell out of here at the end of the school year.

* * *

I go to school the next day with a firm decision. I'm waiting in Chemistry for Brittany to show up so I can tell her what I've decided. The classroom fills with students but none of them are Brittany. When the bell rings Brittany hasn't shown up and I'm disappointed and curious. Disappointed that I can't tell her my decision yet and curious as to why she's not in class. Brittany has never missed a Chemistry class yet and has never been late for one either. Is she possibly sick? She seemed healthy yesterday. Is she skipping school? Or is it something more serious, like an emergency?

The chair next to me sits vacant the entire class period.

The day goes by slowly. Brittany never showed up to Chemistry and I haven't seen her anywhere else today, not that I usually do. We only see each other in Chemistry and American Literature. I don't know where she hides out at lunch, otherwise I'd probably see her there too.

The bell rings for the start of American Lit and disappointment sets in again when Brittany doesn't show up. Looks like I won't be seeing Brittany today or telling her my decision about hanging out with her.

Mrs. Turner starts talking but I find it hard to pay attention to what she's saying. She could be saying that we all have to write a one hundred page paper and I wouldn't know.

There's a noise in the somewhat quiet classroom about five minutes into class. I look up from my book that I'm suppose to be reading but I'm not. Everyone else in the room keeps reading and there's another noise. This time by the door. I look to the door as it opens. A little hope floats inside me. The door opens all the way and Brittany stand there. She looks around the room for a second before moving to the teacher at her desk. She hands Mrs. Turner a little piece of paper and then goes to a desk a few rows away from mine. I watch her every movement from the second Brittany showed up in the doorway. She sits and takes out her book and gets settled. Her eyes roam the room, landing on me. As our eyes lock Brittany smiles, warm. I end up smiling back, thankful that I've seen her today so I can tell her my decision.

I stare down at my book for most of the class. We are suppose to be reading silently. I've just been staring at my book waiting for the end of the period. I look at the clock and Brittany every few minutes before returning my eyes to my book.

When the last bell rings I jump from my seat, book in one hand and backpack in the other. "You weren't in Chemistry." I blurt as I approach the blonde.

Brittany looks up slowly from packing up her backpack and smiles. "Oh, hey Santana." She says casually. "I had a doctor's appointment this morning."

Well, that explains that. "You were late for this class, too." I want to know why she's always late.

"I know." Brittany smiles devilishly and then sticks her tongue out at me. I resist rolling my eye at her. What is she, five years old? Brittany throws her backpack over her shoulder and starts walking. I follow along side of her.

"Soooo-" Brittany draws out as we walk down the hallway.

"So, what?" I don't know what she's trying to say.

"So, what did your dad say?"

"What?" She caught me off guard. I was still thinking about where Brittany might have been and why she's always late for class.

"About the ice cream?" Brittany elaborates.

Oh, right. My decision. My dad doesn't have anything to do with it really, but Brittany doesn't know that.

"Oh. Yeah, it's fine. We can go." I tell her with a smile. Somehow this moment doesn't seem as big as I thought it would be. All day I've been waiting to tell her my decision and I just did and it doesn't feel as big now as it did this morning. They say anticipation is greater than reality. I guess that's true in this case.

"Good. How's Saturday afternoon sound?" Brittany asks, coming to a halt beside me.

Wow. That's soon. I didn't expect Brittany to have this all planned out already. I didn't know she had a day picked out. Not that my schedule is packed full of activities. It's pretty wide open actually.

"That'll work." I nod.

"Great." Brittany smiles happily. "It's a date." She giggles and looks down the hallway.

"What?" I blanch. A date?

Brittany laughs and looks back to me. "You look like you've just seen a ghost. Jeez, it's a joke. Like, I have a date with you for ice cream Saturday. And I have a movie date with my cat on Sunday afternoon. And I have a date with Cheerios practice right now."

"Right." I calm down a little. Brittany nearly just gave me a heart attack. She's got some twisted sense of humor.

"Okay, so, I gotta go." Brittany thumbs over her shoulder. "Cheerios practice."

I nod. "Okay." Brittany smiles as she goes. I watch until she's gone then I look around to see where I am. I realize that I'm at my locker and that Brittany has led me here now two days in a row.

* * *

"Hey, Santana." Brittany says as she approaches the back table.

"Hey." I reply happily.

"Ready for the big game tonight?" She asks and takes her seat.

"No." I look at her as she settles. "Why's it so big?" Not that I really care, but Brittany asked and I want to know and I should try to make more of an effort to have a conversation with her if we are gonna be friends.

"Cuz if the football team wins they win the division they are in." Brittany explains but the words fly over my head.

"I don't really know anything about football." I shake my head and frown. This conversation isn't going very well. We are gonna need to find something that we have in common to talk about otherwise this won't work. There has to be a subject that we are both familiar with and educated on.

Brittany smiles at my frown. She leans over towards me and bumps my forearm with her elbow. "I can teach you."

"Uh, that's okay." I laugh nervously. I don't really want to know about football. And I don't want Brittany to have to teach me. I'm sure she has better things to do than teach me football terminology.

"Oh, come on." She coaxes. Her palm came to rest on my bare forearm. I look down at her white hand against my tan skin.

"Okay." I give in. If Brittany's really hell bent on it then who am I to stop her.

The bell rings. Slowly, Brittany lifts her palm from my arm, but not before she rubs her thumb across the skin on the underside of my forearm. A shiver vibrates through my body as Brittany retreats to her side of the table that we share.

Brittany passes me a piece of paper a few minutes into the class. _'You're coming to the game tonight, right?' _Brittany wrote on the sheet.

I take the page and tilt it so I can write a response. _'I don't think so, sorry.' _I pass the paper back to Brittany, who watches intently as I slide the paper the few feet across the space between us.

I watch Brittany write something else. She slides the sheet back. I look to the front of the room to see what Mr. Channing is doing. He has his back to the class, thankfully. I look down. _'I was hoping you would come with afterwards for pizza.'_ Is written in Brittany's handwriting with a small sad face follow the sentence.

I write back. _'Sorry, I can't. But, ice cream tomorrow.' _

Brittany takes the page back and smiles down at what I wrote. She scribble on the page quickly. She passes the paper back, but only passes it half way. I go to slide it the rest of the way so I can read it, but Brittany holds onto it. I look up to question her. The question dies as I lock eyes with her. There's a sparkle in her eyes. She smiles and when I finally smile back she lets go of the piece of paper. I slide it over and read it. _'That's right. Our date. For ice cream. I can't wait.' _I duck my chin to my chest in an attempt to hide my blush from Brittany behind the curtain of my thick hair.

I crouch close to the table to write something back, not wanting Brittany to see me or what I'm writing, even though what I'm writing is for her eyes. _'Yeah, should be fun.'_ It's lame, I know, but I couldn't think of anything better to write.

I pass the paper back to Brittany and watch as she reads what I wrote. She smiles and then looks at me. "It's lame." I mouth to her. She nods and giggles.

When Mr. Channing spins around it catches my attention. He narrows his eyes at me and then at Brittany. "No talking in class, Ms. Pierce." He scolds.

"I wasn't talking, Mr. Channing, I was giggling." Brittany says frankly.

Mr. Channing's ears turn red. He grimaces. "Regardless. No misbehaving in my classroom, Brittany. Keep quiet and pay attention." He tells Brittany sternly.

"Yes, sir." Brittany nods.

Mr. Channing eyes Brittany for a second. It looks like he's contemplating saying more to Brittany or punishing her harsher for interrupting his class. He doesn't. He turns his stare to me and glares at me for a few seconds. I look down at my desk in embarrassment. After a few seconds Mr. Channing goes back to talking and teaching the class. I glance over in Brittany's direction and she mouths a 'sorry'. I give her a tight lipped smile to let her know that I was at fault to and that she doesn't need to take all the blame.


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: Language, blood**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

I've changed my clothes three times. I don't really know why. It's just Brittany and I getting ice cream, two friends hanging out. But still I can't find the right thing to wear. I feel nervous and I know that I shouldn't.

Brittany and I agreed to meet at the ice cream shop at two. That's right in the middle of the afternoon an far enough away from lunch and dinner that no meals get spoiled. For lunch I wasn't very hungry, it probably had something to do with the nerves that I feel in my belly, and just had a turkey sandwich. Luckily, Nancy had time to go grocery shopping so there is more to eat in the house than just frozen dinners.

My dad already knows that I'm leaving the house for a few hours. I told him I was meeting some friends at the local mall. He agreed to let me take his truck because he said he won't need it today.

I glance at the clock and if I want to get to the ice cream shop on time I need to leave in the next two minutes. I brush my hair in the mirror once more. This is as good as it's gonna get for me.

"Okay, I'm leaving now." I announce when I reach the living room.

My dad directs his eyes to me from the television. He eyes me up and down. "Okay." He reaches into the front pocket of his jeans, leaning over at an odd angle in his recliner. "Have a good time." He flashes his keys at me before he throws them. "I'm glad your making friends here." He says. I take a step so I can catch the keys before they hit the floor. "It's great."

"Yeah." I agree nonchalantly. "Bye dad. I'll be home for dinner." I jiggle the keys at him.

"Okay, Santana." He nods and goes back to watching tv.

I pull to the ice cream shop and the old truck rumbles to a stop. I spot Brittany waiting for me outside. She's leaning up against the wall with sunglasses on, one foot flat against the brick, looking down at her phone in her hand. The thing that surprises me most is that she's in street clothes and not her Cheerios uniform. Not that I thought she would show up in her cheerleading outfit, but I've never seen her in anything but. She's wearing tight dark blue jeans and a light blue scoop neck t-shirt and red sneakers.

Quickly, I get out of the truck and walk around the front. "Hey, sorry. Am I late?" I ask Brittany as I approach her.

She pushes off the wall and pockets her phone. "No, not at all. I'm early. I was just people watching and scrolling threw my contacts on my phone to make it look like I wasn't people watching. Strangers don't usually like it when you stare openly at them." She shrugs. "Shall we go in?"

I nod and Brittany pulls the door to the ice cream shop open and waves an arm for me to enter the shop before her. We get in line for ice cream right away. There are only two customers in front of us but I hate waiting.

I stand next to Brittany awkwardly. A silence lingers between us. I don't know what to talk about. It's not like Brittany and I know each other very well. What would we even talk about?

Brittany turns to me and eliminates the questions from my brain. "You look nice. I really like your shirt." Brittany compliments with a small smile.

I have to look down at myself to remember what I'm wearing. I'm unsure as I see the grey Henley shirt and black jeans that I have on. "Really?" I can't believe that Brittany would like my simple attire.

Brittany bumps into my shoulder with her own and I look up from questioning my own clothing choice to see her grinning at me. "Yeah, really." She widens her eyes. "Why?" She questions and I get nervous for a new reason. "Don't you believe me?" She asks with an offended tone.

My heart jumps to my throat. "No. I don't- I just- I mean-" I stumble over my words. "I changed three times before I left the house." I admit shakily.

"Well, I like it." Brittany smiles warmly. "You look super cute."

I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks and duck my head in embarrassment. The line starts to move and I move along with Brittany but not taking my eyes off the floor.

Brittany orders first. "I'll have chocolate and vanilla swirl in a cup, please. Also I'll have strawberry in a cup, please and thank you." I hear her tell the kid behind the counter her order. "Come on." She directs at me and tugs on my elbow. Without thinking I follow her down the line to where the cashier stands.

My brain finally kicks back into use after faltering when Brittany called me cute a couple of minutes ago. She called me _cute. _She ordered for the both of us and now she's paying for both of us. "Hey, what are you doing?" I flank Brittany as she hands over the money to the cashier.

"I'm giving all my money to this girl." Brittany gestures to the girl behind the cash register. "So she can pay for ice cream college." The girl behind the counter narrows her eyes at Brittany and so do I, honestly. What?

I'm a little stunned. I don't know what to do or say. I thought I would have to at least pay for my own ice cream. I definitely thought I would be ordering my own ice cream. What the hell just happened? And is Brittany serious about what she just said?'

Another kid brings our cups of ice cream over and hands them Brittany as I watch on dumbly.

"Which one?" Brittany holds the two ice creams up in front of my face. I take the strawberry ice cream. I like vanilla but I don't like chocolate ice cream and I do like strawberry. "Where should we sit? Oooh or do you want to sit outside? It's a nice day." She raises her eyebrows and waits for an answer from me.

"In here is fine." I don't really want to be outside in the open. I feel a little safer from prying eyes inside the building. Maybe safe's not the correct word. Comfortable. I feel more comfortable inside. Brittany walks over to a table in the corner of the open floor plan room. It's like she can read my mind or something. That's the table that I would have picked. That's the table I wanted. I follow behind Brittany and sit down across from her when I get to the little two person table. "Thank you, Brittany." I tell her sincerely. "I didn't expect- you didn't have to-" I raise my cup of ice cream using it to fill in the words I can't find.

"It's cool. This was my idea." She shrugs and lifts a scoop of ice cream to her lips. "I asked you to come, I figured I'd pay. You can pay next time, maybe."

_Next time. _I watch Brittany dig into her ice cream. Brittany's already counting on a next time. Maybe she's even planning a next time. I don't know why that surprises me so much. I know that if we are gonna be friends we are gonna do things together, outside of school. That there will be a next time and a next time after that and so on kind of takes me by surprise. I guess I never really thought this whole friend thing through.

"Is yours not good? Don't you like strawberry? Should I have ordered something else? God, I should have asked you what you wanted and not just ordered on impulse." Brittany worries. I haven't even taken two bites out of my ice cream yet no wonder she's worried.

"No. I mean, yes. I mean, strawberry is my favorite."

Brittany face changes from one of worry to one of pure excitement. "Sweet." She nearly yells. My eyes widen. Brittany pumps her left fist in the air. Her little celebration makes me laugh and I smack my free hand down on the table.

Brittany grins at me while I'm laughing, pleased with herself. She swipes her hand out towards me and before I can stop her Brittany digs into my ice cream with her spoon. She steals my ice cream behind her lips. "Mmm." She hums then licks her lips slowly.

"Hey." I act offended. "You have your own." I point at her ice cream with my spoon for emphasis.

Brittany grins and shrugs. "Then you better eat yours fast cuz I'm half done. Better get going." She wiggles her eyebrows at me.

I narrow my eye at her challenge but Brittany doesn't make another move. She just digs back into her cup of ice cream. I start actually eating my own ice cream. We eat mostly in silence. A comfortable silence with the sounds of the ice cream shop filling in for the lack of words from either of us. Brittany finishes her ice cream first, but doesn't come after mine like she said she would. She sits patiently looking around the ice cream shop waiting for me to finish. Brittany seems to keep herself plenty occupied while I finish my ice cream and I don't feel rushed in any sense.

"All done." I announce and show Brittany my empty ice cream cup once I'm finished.

"Finally." She giggles and rolls her eyes. "That took ages." Brittany stands. "You wanna walk a little? There's a park a few blocks from here."

I look up to Brittany and nod. "Sure." I stand and Brittany lead us out of the ice cream shop.

"This way." She says softly. We walk side by side down the sidewalk. Brittany starts humming after about a half block. The humming continues for about a full block and it's nice. I don't mind Brittany's humming at all.

"So-" Brittany clears her throat. "What brings Santana Lopez to the lovely city of Lima, Ohio?"

At first her question startles me. It was very sudden. "Oh, just, my dad got a new job here." I say vaguely when I gather myself.

"Where at?" Brittany inquires.

"The factory." I'm hoping Brittany doesn't ask much more cuz I'm not really interested in giving her my whole life story.

"Do you have any siblings?" Brittany drops the dad subject but picks up another subject that I don't really want to talk about.

"No, only child." At least that's a simple, honest answer. "What about you?"

"Oh, I have a little sister." She says like she's surprised that I asked. Brittany hesitates. "She's uh- five years younger than me."

"That must be fun. I always wanted a little sister." I comment. It's lonely being an only child.

Brittany scoffs. "It used to be. She's getting to that teenage age where she's starting to be annoying. I'm positive I wasn't that annoying when I was thirteen." Brittany stops and looks around. "We're here."

As Brittany says it, I realize we are at a park. It's not a big park. There's a jungle jump, swings, a see-saw, and a balance beam. A few kids play on the jungle jump as an adult sits on a nearby picnic table. We walk in the direction of the swings without a hint to that's where we are going. It's like Brittany and I both just gravitated toward the swings. Brittany picks a swings and I sit on the one next to her as she starts swinging. I'm not too interested in swinging, but I won't stop Brittany from doing so. I look around the park getting familiar with the area.

After a while I look down at my wristwatch.

"Do you have to be home at a certain time?" Brittany comes to a skidding halt next to me creating a small cloud of dust as her heals dig into the ground. "Sorry." She apologizes right away.

I try to wave the dust away from my face. "No, before dinnertime. Five or so." I explain. "We've got plenty of time."

"Good." Brittany leans to the side of her swing. Both her hands wrap around the chain and she rests her temple against her hands. "I really do like you, Santana." Brittany admits. "This is fun. My other friends don't like doing stuff like this with me. They just wanna go to the mall or look up stuff on their phones. That stuff is so boring and superficial." Brittany looks over at me with those blue honest eyes. I've never seen someone convey so much with their eyes or facial expression at such a young age but Brittany does.

"I'm having a good time." I smile happily. I reach out with my hand in the space between Brittany and I. I curl my fingers except one. That last one I use to boop Brittany on the nose. "Thanks for inviting me." Brittany ducks her head, shy. I pluck up a little courage now that she's not looking at me to say what I've wanted to say since I drove up to the ice cream shop in the truck. "You look really nice, too, Brittany." Her eyes snap back to me and I have to duck my head. "I haven't seen you in anything but your Cheerios uniform."

"Thanks." She starts quietly. "Yeah, I kinda hate that thing. I have to wear that damn uniform everyday we have school. I should have it surgically attached to my body."

I laugh. "No, don't." I look to see Brittany smiling. "That would be a tragedy."

"Okay. I won't." Brittany laughs with me. It feels good.

"Let's head back." Brittany suggest after our laughter dies down. She stands up from her swing and waits for me to do the same.

We start walking back in comfortable silence. Brittany has a pleased grin on her face every time that I glance at her. She seems so content to just be walking down the street with me.

When I feel a little tap against the back of my hand I look to Brittany. She keeps her eyes set forward and doesn't make a move to acknowledge me. There's another tap. This time it's a more sure tap. I take in a sudden deep breath. My lungs fill with air and I hold it there. I look down to see Brittany's fingers fumbling with mine. I'm not sure what she's doing. I'm not sure if I like it or not. Finally, after a couple of seconds Brittany's littlest finger wraps around my pinky finger and holds it tightly. I let out the breath I was holding and squeeze Brittany's pinky with my own.

It's not something I knew I needed until now.

We walk the two blocks back to the ice cream shop with our pinkies locked together. When Brittany starts swings our hands back and forth I get a whoosh feeling in my stomach. It's not a feeling that I've ever had before. That makes me nervous. But the more Brittany swings our hands, the more carefree I feel. I haven't felt carefree since I was a little kid. Since before it was just my dad and I. Even though I'm nervous about the feeling in my stomach I feel good being here with Brittany.

Brittany walks us right up to my dad's truck. "Well-" Brittany starts but looks around the parking lot before continuing. "-this concludes our time together." She says goofily and then winks at me. I resist laughing but I do smile big.

I turn and pull open the driver's side door so I can climb in the truck. I release my pinky from Brittany's expecting her to do the same. Brittany doesn't. I turn back to Brittany, raising an eyebrow. "My pinky?" I squeeze Brittany's little finger and go to release it again, but Brittany holds tight.

Instead, she tugs on my finger to pull me closer to her. At the same time she takes one step forward to be closer to me. Our bodies are only a few inches apart and all my senses heighten on Brittany. Mostly the way she smells like vanilla and the way I can feel her breath on my face. She leans in and my eyes widen in shock. I don't move a single muscle in my whole body. Brittany's lips press to my cheek. As soon as I feel them there, they are gone. I slowly let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and Brittany takes a step backwards, her eyes avert to the ground.

A few seconds of silence pass and my mind struggles to comprehend what just happened, even though I know. "So this was a date?" I whisper quietly.

"Don't be mad." Brittany counters quickly. "It can be whatever you-"

I squeeze her pinky cutting off her words. Brittany finally looks up into my eyes. "Don't worry. I'm not." I smile shyly and I see Brittany's shoulders relax. "Thank you, Brittany. It was a lovely afternoon. I had a great time." I tell her honestly. I wasn't expecting any of this. I wasn't even really sure what to expect. But my afternoon with Brittany has been better than anything I ever could have thought up in my mind.

"Yeah?" Brittany asks, hopeful.

"Yeah." I nod. "I'll see you at school on Monday." I squeeze Brittany's pinky once more. This time Brittany let's go with a happy smile and I nod. I hop up in the truck and start it. The truck rumbles to life and Brittany steps to the front, out of the way. I back out of the parking space and Brittany watches. After I put the truck in drive, I wave at Brittany and she waves back. I can see her in the rear view mirror as I drive away. Brittany stands there until after I drive away and can't see her anymore.

I drive back home with a content, happy smile on my face. I haven't been this happy in a long time. And it's from something as simply as hanging out with Brittany for an afternoon.

* * *

When I get home my dad is there. Not that he would be anywhere else. He's either always at home or at work. He rarely goes out, anywhere. I walk in the door and set his keys down on the little table that sits next to his recliner.

"How'd it go with your friends?" He asks. I can tell that he's curious and that he truly, honestly wants to know my answer.

"Good. I had fun. We had fun." That's the truth, but I don't want him to know any more than that. "I'll probably be going out with my friends again, maybe even make a regular thing of it." I know it's a real possibility and I know that Brittany and I haven't talked about it, but I sure we will be spending more time together.

"That's great, Santana. I'm proud of you for getting out there and making friends. I know you haven't had too many friends in the past and I know it's not easy to switch schools, especially at seventeen." He tells me with a half smile. Then he burps.

I roll my eyes. He's correct though. "Yeah." I agree. "I'm glad that I'm making friends too." Well, it's only one friend but he doesn't have to know that. "I think I'm gonna go to my room and read for a while."

"Okay." He nods and turns up the volume on the tv. I don't know when he turned it down. It was quiet when I came in, so probably when he heard me pull up in the driveway in the truck.

* * *

The last hour has been spent reading. Actually, that's mostly a lie. I started out reading but that only lasted a few minutes before my brain switched to thinking about the afternoon I had.

"SAN-TAN-A." I jump from the bed, startled. I look around the bedroom quickly and realize it's my dad's voice. I run my hands over the front of my shirt, that I haven't changed out of from my time with Brittany, before exiting the room.

He's sitting in his chair, per usual. "Why'd you yell?" I question him, standing next to his recliner with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Make me supper." He slurs. I frown and look down at my wristwatch. It's nearly six in the evening. "I can't. I'm watching the game. I don't wanna miss anything." I can't resist rolling my eyes. That's probably only half truth.

"Fine." I walk into the kitchen looking for something to cook him for supper. I wasn't really hungry but now that I'm making something I might as well eat too. I find elbow macaroni and start cooking those in a pot of water right away. I get some bread while the macaroni noodles are cooking and toast it.

When the noodles are done, I drain them, and put them into two bowls. One for my dad and one for myself. I put a piece of toast on top of each bowl of noodles. My bowl I set on the kitchen table as I pass it on my way to the living room where I serve my dad his dinner on a tv tray.

Returning to the kitchen, I start eating my supper. It's bland but I'm used to it. I get the ketchup from the refrigerator and add a little bit to my elbow macaroni. I'm about halfway through my noodles when there's a crash in the living room. I look over to see the tv tray tipped over, macaroni and a broken bowl laying on the floor next to my dad's recliner. A beer bottle lays on it's side next to the recliner too.

"Fucking piece of shit." He curses. "Santana, get over here and help me."

I push my chair out and stand up. He's bending over the side of the recliner. By the time I get to the mess my dad has the tv tray upright. My dad picks up his nearly empty beer bottle and tucks it into the space between his right leg and the arm of his chair.

At first I start picking up the bigger pieces of broken ceramic bowl. I'll deal with the little broken pieces and the elbow macaroni after. I grab the second to last bigger piece and feel a sharp pain in my finger.

"Fuck." I shout out. I run into the kitchen with the broken pieces in my hands and quickly throw them in the garbage. The water from the tap is cold when I turn it on. I hold my finger under the running water and hop from foot to foot as a little stream of blood and water run into and down the drain.

I know it's not a bad cut but it is bad enough to bleed. It hurts more than anything. The running cold water helps and after about a minute the bleeding mostly stops. I lift my finger to my eyes to inspect it. There isn't any broken ceramic in it that I can see. I push against the digit with the thumb of my left hand. Bleeding starts with the pressure that I push against the finger, but I don't feel anything sharp in the wound, just the now dull ache that has taken over my finger. I wrap the finger in a kitchen towel and head for the bathroom.

"Are you okay?" My dad ask when I pass through.

"I'll be fine." I snap. He's the reason I cut my finger and even though I'm mad at him he should still know that I don't need stitches.

"Okay." I hear him mumble while I kick the bathroom door shut. I wash my finger with soap, get some ointment, and wrap my finger in a bandage. I know that I should finish cleaning up the mess, but I don't want to.

With a sigh I grab the kitchen towel that has my blood on it and exit the bathroom. When I get back to the living room the mess is still there. It's wishful thinking that my dad would have been able to clean up the mess. Not the case. I throw the kitchen towel down on top of the spilled beer spot and soak up as much as I can. When I've soaked the towel in spilled beer I lay it out flat on the floor and pick up the scattered elbow macaroni. With all the noodles on the beer soaked towel I pick up the last big piece of broken ceramic bowl and set that on top.

In the kitchen I dump the contents of the towel in the garbage. I get the vacuum from the closet by the front door and vacuum over the spot where the bowl broke on the floor.

"Thank you, Santana. I'm really sorry." He actually sounds sorry and remorseful. It's shocking.

"Yeah." I grunt. I put the vacuum away and grab the bowl that my food is in off of the kitchen table and put it in the refrigerator. I doubt anyone will eat the remaining noodles that are in the bowl before they get hard and dried out in the fridge, but I don't feel like throwing them away either. I don't feel like doing much of anything right now. Getting the dirty beer towel from the kitchen sink I throw it in the wash machine on my way back to my room.

I left the dirty dishes on the counter next to the kitchen sink. I didn't feel like doing them. I've done enough for one day. I know my dad won't say anything about them to me knowing that he feels bad for what happened. I'll either do them tomorrow or Nancy will do them before I get it to.

I don't really care about anything right now. My finger throbs and I have a headache. I push the books and homework on my bed to the side and crawl under the covers. It's early yet, but I don't care. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to take over me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Brittany sits down in her chair, next to me, at our Chemistry table. She doesn't say anything but she smiles at me as she takes her things out of her backpack. An easy smile graces my face as I watch her. The students fill into the classroom but I don't take note of any of them, my whole attention is focused on Brittany and her actions. I tap my pen against the table mindlessly. It's easy to just _be_ in Brittany's presence.

"Oh my god." Brittany's eyes widen. She's freaking out but it not til I see what she's looking at that I know why. "What happened to your finger?"

I tuck my hand below the table so that it isn't visible anymore. "It's no big deal. I was washing the dishes and I dropped a cup into the water. It broke and yeah…" Even though it makes me seem foolish and it's embarrassing as hell, that's the story that I tell Brittany. She doesn't need to know the much more embarrassing truth.

"It looks like a big enough deal where you have a bandage on it. Did you get stitches?" Brittany pouts.

I shake my head. "I'll be fine. It's just a little cut." I give Brittany a look to try to convince her it's just a small cut, and it is, but she doesn't seem to think so. Maybe that's my fault. I could have put a regular band-aid on the cut but I came to school with one of those white gauze bandages wrapped and taped around my finger. A band-aid didn't really want to stay and I thought I'd rather be safe than sorry.

"Are you sure?" She asks with concern.

I chuckle. "Yes, Brittany, I'm sure."

"Okay." Brittany gives me the most sympathetic look. "I'm sorry though. Ya know, that it happened. Did it hurt?"

Brittany's great concern for my injured finger is really endearing. I'm fine, really, I am but it's cute to see that she's worried about a silly cut. "It hurt more yesterday than it does today. It feels much better today." I lift my hand from under the table and wiggle my bandaged finger in Brittany's face. She finally smiles again.

The bell rings. "Okay students, let's jump right in." Mr. Channing speaks a second after the bell. I turn my focus away from Brittany to Mr. Channing. Even though Brittany and I are becoming friends I can't let that take away my focus from my plan. The major portion of my plan being successful in my classes. Even though I don't like Chemistry class, it was a class that I needed to take.

It's hard to focus though when there is a distracting blonde cheerleader sitting next to you. I turn my head to my right to glance at Brittany. She's been staring at me on and off the entire class and it's very distracting.

'What?' I mouth to Brittany. She just shrugs, then shakes her head. I turn back to the teacher and try to pay attention but Brittany keeping looking at me. Sometimes I see her do it out of the corner of my eye and some of the time I just feel it. A few minutes pass as I try my hardest to ignore Brittany's looks.

Brittany moves next to me. I see her sit back in her chair rather comfortably. A few seconds later I feel something on my right hand. A little tickle, so light that it doesn't even startle me.

My right hand rests on the upper part of my thigh and I look down to see what tickled me. I'm only slightly surprised when I see Brittany's fingers tiptoeing over my fingers, careful not to touch my wounded finger. When she finds my last finger, Brittany wraps her pinkie around it. A sigh vibrates in my throat when Brittany squeezes my pinkie. I look to her and she half smiles at me before turning to the front. With Brittany's attention on the teacher I go back to listening and taking notes.

By the end of class I find myself wanting to ask Brittany about the pinkie thing. That's twice now that Brittany's done it and I'm curious to know why. First, on Saturday during our walk back to the ice cream shop and now in class. It's a strange thing but it's not that I don't like it. I do. But I never would have thought of something like that. There's also seems to be a meaning to the action between us already but I'm not sure what that meaning is.

Also, I like the fact that I can sit here in class and still take notes and pay attention while my right hand is occupied with Brittany's left.

When the bell rings Brittany releases my littlest finger and we both pack our books into our backpacks quickly and I prepare to ask Brittany about the pinkie thing.

"Brittany." Someone that isn't me says Brittany's name.

I look up and see a girl with blonde hair in a Cheerios uniform is waving Brittany over to the front of the classroom. I look to Brittany as she waves back at the other cheerleader. She isn't in our Chemistry class. Where did she come from? Actually, I don't know the other cheerleaders name. She's not in any of my classes. I've seen her around school, though, usually with two or three cheerleaders following behind her but I don't know who she is.

"Brittany, hurry up. Let's go." Blondie yells over everyone else's voice. She's impatient and I don't like her already.

I glance between the two until my eyes settle on Brittany. She turns to me and gives me a shrug and then a tight-lipped smile. With that Brittany leaves me behind to go to her cheerleader friend. There's nothing more I can do about my pinkie question so I pick up my backpack and start out for my Geometry class.

My questions about the pinkie thing will have to wait. It scares me a little. I feel slightly overwhelmed and it's just a pinkie link. I have no clue what it means. I don't know what it means to Brittany or if it means nothing to her. But I have a feeling that it means something, that it could mean something. I feel like I'm going crazy all of a sudden. I've never had a close friend. I don't know what's normal behavior and what's not. What I should and shouldn't do? I don't know how to act half the time around my new friend. I just follow Brittany's lead. Hopefully that won't lead me somewhere I don't want to be.

Brittany's different. I can feel that now. After our ice cream gathering Saturday - I don't want to call it a date - something feels different. I've hooked up the girls in the past and I know that's not what I want to do with Brittany. I know that for sure. But that's not why it feels different. The bottom line, Brittany is different and I like that. Sure, I don't know much about her, and maybe that's part of it, she's a mystery. I know that I don't want to mess with her though. I don't want to use her like I've used other girls. Other than that, though, I don't know.

* * *

I'm barely in my desk in American Lit when someone whizzes passed me and slides into the desk behind me. Literally, the legs of the desk screech across the floor. I turn around in my seat to see who the culprit is that assaulted my ears.

"Brittany." I scold when I see her blonde ponytail and the smooth smile on her face.

"Hi." She grins guiltily.

"Hey, you're early." I comment. It's usually her coming into American Lit as the bell rings or even after. The blonde squints her eyes at me. I elaborate. "What class do you have before this?" Maybe the answer to why she's always late lies within which class she has before this one.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Brittany teases.

"Yeah, I would actually." I say, probably a little too snappy.

"Whoa!" Brittany's eyes widen in surprise. She leans back in her desk so she's as far away from me as possible without actually getting out of her desk.

I sigh. "I would like to know." I say calmer, easier. "If that's alright?"

Brittany looks around the room and I do too. Everyone is busy doing there own thing, no one is paying any attention to the conversation Brittany and I are having. "Okay, but don't make fun of me." She hunches over her desktop, leaning closer to me.

"I won't." Why would I make fun of her? What could it possibly be that Brittany thinks I might make fun of her for? "What is it?" I lean closer to her.

Brittany ducks her head slightly, so that we break eye contact. "Glee Club. It's like show choir-"

"I know what it is." I cut her off. "You sing?" I ask, amazed. Brittany's not only a cheerleader but she can sing too. Talented.

Lifting her chining and connecting our eyes again, Brittany shrugs. "I'm not a very good singer, but I'm a good dancer. That's more why I do it. I get to dance. And I like dancing."

"Huh." I grunt, pondering over the new information she just told me about herself. Not only does she sing but she dances too. She's gotta be a good enough singer that they let her in the Glee Club even if she doubts her own abilities. But dancing too. What a multitalented girl. "You're full of surprises, Brittany." I say in astonishment.

"I'm not just your typical cheerleader." Brittany turns on the jokes again. She winks and then sits back in her desk comfortably. Satisfied with our conversation or perhaps how I responded, she crosses her arms over her chest.

"I'm beginning to see that. Maybe I judged you too harshly when we first met." That's the truth. I did judge her and so far she's nothing like the judgment I had for her. I would say she's the complete opposite but Brittany's far more diverse than I thought she would be. Originally, I figured she would just be a one dimensional cheerleader. A one trick pony, so to speak.

"That's alright. I get that a lot. I'm used to it."

"It's not alright. You are so much more than a simple cheerleader. I don't know you very well yet, but I know that, I can see that."

Brittany smiles sadly. "Thank you, Santana." She nods.

The bell rings.

* * *

"Hey, Santana." Brittany calls from behind me at the end of the school day. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I spin around in my desk to face her.

"Okay- so- I uh- was wondering if you wanted to get something to eat on Thursday after school? I don't have Cheerios practice. Coach has some thing on the second Thursday of every month so we don't have practice that day. She wants us to like do weightlifting on our own but most girls don't. It's an empty threat really cuz she doesn't have Quinn patrol us or anything. So yeah-"

I giggle. Her rambling is cute. "I don't know, Brittany."

"What don't you know?" Brittany tilts her head to the right. "Didn't I explain myself well enough. Thursday as soon as school is done, you and I-"

I cut her off. "No. I got the gist." A pause and think about how I want to phrase my question so it doesn't come off mean or hurtful. "Brittany, is this another date?" I whisper the last word. I ask her as honestly and straightforwardly as I can. I don't want my or her words to get mixed up.

Brittany blushes and I know the answer. It looks like I'm gonna have to lay down some ground rules. "Look, Brittany, I'm flattered and you're a great girl, but I can't date you or continue to go on dates with you. It's not you. It's just that I have this plan and dating you or anyone isn't a part of the plan. And it doesn't have anything to do with you and me being girls cuz I'm totally into that. Like I said, I have a plan and I don't want to deviate from that plan. We can still be friends. We can be all sorts of friends but no more dates. Okay?"

"Oh." Brittany mumbles, dumbfounded. "Okay." Her eyes cast downwards.

"Okay." I repeat. "But-" I didn't mean to make Brittany look so disappointed and sad. "-we can still hang out, as friends, and if that's okay with you, then we can get something to eat on Thursday after school." I try to lift Brittany's spirits back up.

Brittany brightens. "Yeah. Okay."

* * *

The days pass and Thursday afternoon finally arrives. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to spending time with Brittany again outside of school. I've actually been looking forward to it. I even told my dad that I wouldn't be home right away after school, that I was hanging out with my friends and that we would probably get something to eat, so he shouldn't worry about dinner for me.

The final bell rings and Brittany bounces into my side as I stand up from my desk. She's always got so much energy.

"Hey." I smile at her.

"Hi, you ready?" She asks.

"Yeah. I just gotta stop at my locker before we go." I want to make sure I don't forget anything in my hast to get out of the school building. I have that nervous, excited feeling again and it makes my brain feel foggy.

We walk quietly to my locker. "Where's your locker?" I ask Brittany. It's something about her that I don't know yet. Something little and insignificant, but something.

"On the other side of the school. By Coach Sue's office. If you're on the team freshman year you get I locker there. Not that it's a benefit or anything cuz there aren't any classroom over there. Kinda sucks now that I think about it. Oh, well."

"You'll have to show me sometime." I tell her when I swing my locker shut. "All ready to go." I confirm for her.

Brittany nods and leads the way out of the school. We walk out into the parking lot and Brittany walks up to a car and unlocks it. It's a nice car. Not a piece of shit like my dad's truck.

"You have a nice car." I tell her when we get inside. I look around at the interior and Brittany starts the car.

"It's not mine." She turns to me. "It's my mom's. But, she carpools to work most of the time, so I get to drive her car to school on those days. I'm lucky I get to do that." Brittany backs out of the parking space and starts on her way. I have to clue where we are going.

"How do you get to and from school? That old truck?" She glances over at me.

I sit awkwardly in the passengers seat. "No. I usually walk." There's a school bus that stops a couple blocks from my house but I will not ride the bus.

"Oh." Brittany doesn't ask anything else after that. She's probably not sure what to say to that other than the obvious, that I don't have a car.

It's silent for a few seconds before Brittany turns on the radio. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all. Go ahead." I listen to the radio and try to empty the thoughts that are swirling around in my brain. It's difficult and they consume me. Concerns about what's going to happen when we get to wherever it is we're going. Thoughts about what sort of things I want to know about Brittany and what questions I should ask. Even thoughts about vehicles and parents. Schoolwork is in my thoughts too. Mostly, how I'm gonna have to go home after spending, I don't know how much time with Brittany, and do my homework for the rest of the day.

They swirl until I hear a sound that I've never heard before. I whip my head to look at the blonde sitting next to me. Her lips move along to with the words of the song. She sings softly. I don't even think she knows she's doing it. Brittany sounds so good. I don't know how she could think that she wasn't a good singer. Maybe she's not the most powerful singer or can't hit all the notes but her voice is so pure. It's soft and warm and so good.

"Brittany, you're wrong." Brittany stops singing and looks at me, her brows furrowed. "You're a good singer. That's why you're in Glee."

Brittany looks back to the road. I can see the blush rise to her cheeks. It's quiet for a few seconds while we drive along but Brittany breaks it soon enough. "Do you sing?"

"Not really. It's not that I'm bad but I don't really have a reason to sing. I sing in the shower sometimes but that's about it." I can't believe I just admitted to Brittany that I sing in the shower. How dorky is that?

"You should join the Glee Club." Brittany suggests.

My eyes widen. I never thought. I'm not gonna join the Glee Club. I don't know if I can tell Brittany that or not. I don't know how invested in the Glee Club she is and I don't want to say anything to hurt her feelings about the club. I have too much to do already. I can't be adding Glee Club to that list. It's not a huge list but I don't want it to grow any bigger. I have a plan and I need to stick to it as much as possible and Glee Club isn't part of it.

Luckily, Brittany pulls into the parking lot of a restaurant. "We're here." Brittany says happily. How is she so happy about a stupid restaurant? Brittany gets out of the car and I follow closely behind. We walk up to the door and Brittany holds the door open for me. I want to say something to remind Brittany that this isn't a date but I don't want to sound harsh or come off as a bitch. I hold my tongue and smile thankfully at Brittany.

The hostess seats us. The restaurant is fairly empty, it's still early. It's not even four in the afternoon yet. Brittany and I sit opposite each other looking over our menus. I'm not too hungry but it would be rude not to eat anything.

The waiter finally comes over after a few minutes. "What can I get you ladies?" He asks, extra nicely. He focuses on Brittany first.

"I'll have grilled chicken sandwich and a half order of French fries, please." Brittany orders politely. She's so polite. That's another thing I can add to the list of things I know about Brittany. The waiter smile at her and then turns to me.

"And you?" He asks, suddenly sounding bored.

I shake my thoughts from my head. "Uh, I'll have a Caesar salad, please." I fold up my menu and hold it out for the waiter to take. He takes my menu while looking at Brittany. He takes her menu after. His eyes linger on Brittany's figure in her cheerleading uniform as he takes his leave.

"I think he likes you." I lean over the table and whisper. I know she didn't see the waiter looking at her but I sure did.

"What? No." Brittany shakes her head. "He was probably just curious about my uniform. I always get weird looks from people around town."

"I don't think so. He was checking you out." I'm sure of it. I saw the way he looked at Brittany, the way he smiled at her and more or less ignored me.

"Okay. We'll just have to agree to disagree." Brittany smirks. "Can I ask you something?" She looks down at the paper place setting on the table and plays with the corner with her fingers.

"Yeah." I nod.

"What's your favorite color?" Brittany asks.

Really? That's her question. I think for a second before I reply. "I don't really have a specific favorite. I like black and red probably the most though.

"Cool." Brittany looks up and our eyes connect. "What's your favorite season?"

"Fall."

"Mine too." Brittany bounces in her seat. "Do you have a favorite band or singer?" Brittany asks shyly. I think back to our time in the car, on the way here, when Brittany was singing.

"No. I listen to a lot of music. Whatever's on the radio but I also know most of the classics. Seventies, eighties, nineties, I know all that. My dad only listens to eighties rock music so I know all of that."

Brittany nods, taking in my answer. I should probably be asking her questions too. The whole point of this is to get to know each other better and become friends. Or at least, I think that's what the point is.

Brittany asks another question before I can think of one to ask. "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

I laugh. "Brittany." I say her name within my laugh.

"What?" She asks innocently.

"We are nearly grown up." I chuckle. She's too much sometimes. Like, she can't be serious, can she? But, she looks at me with a straight face. She is serious.

"Uh- well, I'm not entirely sure. I want to go to college but I haven't narrowed down my major yet." I tell her honestly. She's the first person I've ever told that. My dad doesn't even know.

"You've got time." She says in support. Brittany looks around quickly before she asks another question. "What about your dad?" She asks quieter than any of her other questions.

"Uh, what about him?"

"Well, I saw you with him at the grocery store that one day and you mentioned he got a new job and that's why you moved here. I don't know anything else about him. What's he like?"

Shit. That's one of the few subjects that I hoped Brittany wouldn't bring up. I bite my lip searching for answer, for something to tell Brittany.

"He- uh- he works at a factory and he- uh-" I stutter.

"Here's your food." The waiter comes back and slides our plates on the table. Saved by our food. I don't have to figure out a way to explain or describe my dad and our situation.

He hands Brittany her plate first. She smiles at him in thanks and his smile takes over his whole face in return. He puts my salad in front of me with hardly a look in my direction. The waiter turns back to Brittany. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, I think we're good." Brittany says and looks to me for confirmation. I nod. "Thank you." Brittany says to the waiter, dismissing him. He walks away like the happy fool that he is.

"See. He likes you." I point in the direction the waiter went with my fork.

Brittany shrugs. "Whatever."

We eat mostly in silence. A few comments are pass back and forth between the two of us but a full conversation is never started.

"Can we get cheesecake?" Brittany asks me after both of our plates are empty.

Her request catches me by surprise. Does she mean sharing cheesecake? If not, why would she ask if _we_ could get cheesecake? I won't care if she gets cheesecake or not.

"Sure. What kind?" I ask.

"Regular or Strawberry. You pick." A happy smile pops up on Brittany's face. Brittany knows I like strawberry flavor but I'm not gonna pick strawberry.

The waiter comes back to our table and takes our used dishes and I ask him to bring us a piece of regular cheesecake. He agrees to my request with a grunt. The whole time the waiter is at out table Brittany completely ignores the way the man glances and smiles at her. Brittany keeps her eyes locked on me and smiles delighted. The annoying waiter leaves and I rest my elbow on the table and prop my chin up with my hand. Brittany and I watch each other silently. I would think it creepy if it were anyone else but with Brittany it's not creepy at all.

The waiter comes back shortly with our cheesecake on a plate. He sets it down in the center of the table. There's only one fork and the waiter walks away before I can ask for another. Brittany and I both see it and know what it means.

"You wanna take the first bite?" She asks.

I nod. Cuz, why not? I grab the fork off the plate and take the first bite of cheesecake. It's so good. "Have you had this before? It's soo good." I hum.

"Yeah." Brittany chuckles. "That's why I asked if you wanted some. I knew you would like it if you would like cheesecake. Does that make sense?"

"Completely." I nod. "Your turn." I hold out the fork for Brittany to take. Her fingers graze the backs of mine gently as she take the fork from my hand.

We go back and forth exchanging the fork and grazes of fingers and hands until the cheesecakes is all gone.

"This was a really good idea, Brittany. And the cheesecake was to die for. Now I know why you brought me here. This was great." I tell Brittany. She deserves to know that her idea for today was great and that I had fun, that I had a good time. Getting to know Brittany is turning out to be easier than I ever thought it would be.

"Awesome. I had a good time, too. Thanks for coming with." Brittany gets up and walks over to the checkout area with our bill. I chip in to pay for my portion of the bill and Brittany pays for hers. We walk out into the evening together. "I can give you a ride home." Brittany says as we approach the car.

I hadn't even thought of how I was gonna get home after our little dinner. How dumb of me. I was having such a good time that I didn't even think of what would happen afterwards. I should have had that planned out before today even happened. I should have thought of a way to get home no matter where Brittany and I found ourselves today. I try to remain calm on the outside, so Brittany won't notice, but on the inside I'm freaking out.

"No. You don't have to. That's okay." I protest. I stop walking. I can't get any closer to Brittany's car. "I can just walk."

"What?" Brittany stops and turns when she realizes I'm not next to her anymore. "That's crazy. How far do you live from here?"

"I don't know." I look down at the ground. I can't look at Brittany anymore. It's too hard. "I'll just walk. It can't be more than two or three miles."

"You can't walk that far." Brittany argues.

"Yes, I can. I've done it before." So I haven't walked from this restaurant to where I currently live but in the past I know I've walked many miles from one place to another.

"Okay. But, I won't let you." Brittany is firm with her words. I can feel my resolve crumbling already. When she wraps her hand around my wrist my resolve falls completely.

Brittany walks me the rest of the distance to her car. She opens the passengers side door for me and I sit. I still have one thing to my advantage. Brittany doesn't know where I live.

My brain works in overdrive as I think of a way out of this predicament.

As we drive I give Brittany the directions she needs to get to my house. The closer we get, the more nervous I get. I have thought of a plan and I just hope it will work.

A few blocks from where I live I tell Brittany to turn left. The opposite direction of my home. We drive down the block until I see a house with a side garage and a fence that goes around the back.

"Right here." I point to the side of the road for Brittany to pull over. Brittany pulls the car over and I reach for the door handle almost immediately. "I had a good time today, Brittany. Thanks again. We'll have to plan more hang outs in the future." I tell her easily. That's the easiest part of what's happening right now.

Outwardly, I hope I'm not giving away that I'm scared that Brittany has caught onto my current plan and is about call me out on it.

"Yeah. It was fun. We'll definitely do other stuff together in the future. I'm really glad that we are friends and getting to know each other."

"Yeah, me too." I go to pull the door handle but Brittany leans across the center console and wraps her arms around my shoulders. Oh. I wasn't expecting that. I awkwardly wrap my left arm around her torso.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Santana." Brittany says as she pulls away.

"Yep." I agree and give Brittany my best attempt at a happy smile, while on the inside all I feel is guilty and nervous. "Bye." I push the door open and hop out of the car. I wave to Brittany hoping she will just drive away right away. She doesn't. Instead, Brittany sits there, waiting. For what? I'm not sure.

I look around quickly. Luckily, I don't see anyone in the area. I turn around and with everything I have in me, I work up the courage to do what I need to do. I walk up the driveway to the house I'm standing in front of. I go to the side of the garage and look over my shoulder. Brittany's still parked there. Reaching for the handle to the gate of the fence I hope there's not a dog in this backyard that gonna attack and kill me. I pull the gate open and step inside the fence, closing the gate behind me.

I need to make sure Brittany is gone and out of the area before I leave. Luckily, no dogs attacked. It's almost too perfect. Just inside the fence, along the side of the garage, is a perfect place to hide. I can't even see the full backyard from where I stand. No one can see me. The wooden fence conceals me from the outside and the garage hides me from the backyard. I see one end of a pool and a lot of pool toys and other toys in the area surrounding the pool. That's about all I can see.

I most wait five minutes before I even move. When I do finally move it's to turn around and open the gate, letting myself out of the fenced in area. I move quickly down the driveway and onto the sidewalk looking around the whole time to make sure no one sees me.

From here it's only four blocks to where I live. One block to the busy street that separates this neighbor from mine. Once I cross the busy street, it's two block north and then one block west before I'm finally at my own house.

I sigh as I get to the front door.

"How was your day, Santana?" My dad asks as soon as I step inside the door.

That's a good question. Parts of it were boring, mostly the school parts. Parts of it were fun and pleasant, mostly the parts with Brittany. And the last twenty minutes to half an hour have been stressful.

"Good." I say. The good apparently outweigh the bad parts of my day. "I have homework. I'll be in my room."

"Okay." My dad mumbles from his recliner.

I pass through the living room, down the hallway, and into my bedroom. I shut the door and immediately plop down on the bed face first, my backpack still attached to my back. It hurts as the books slap against my spine but I don't really care right now. I can feel the sleep taking me before I can push myself up to do anything about it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Brittany is all smiles the first time I see her at school the next day. It's third period Chemistry and I'm already in my seat. Brittany walks in and as soon as our eyes meet she smiles wide.

"Hey." I mumble as she draws near.

"Hi, Santana." Brittany ducks her head and takes her seat next to me. "How's it going?"

"Fine." I tell her.

"That's good."

Brittany doesn't quite seem like her usual self today. She doesn't hold her head high. She seems quieter and more reserved. There's something off about her, like she's holding something back or has a secret.

Mr. Channing starts the class and I follow along with everything he says until Brittany nudges me on the arm with her elbow. I look over at her and question her with my eyes.

She points down at the table in front of herself. There's a piece of paper there and I can faintly see that there are some words written on it. Brittany points to the paper, then makes a writing gesture and slides the paper over to me. Whatever she has written on the paper she wants me to read and write something back.

I look down at the sheet of loose leaf paper in front of me. _'I had fun yesterday.' _Brittany wrote.

I right down my response. _'Me too. Let's do it again sometime.' _And slide the paper back to Brittany. I smile at her before she reads my response. When she reads what I wrote, her whole face lights up. She looks to me and nods. I suppress the chuckle that's in my throat.

I know I shouldn't be passing notes in class. But, I find myself doing a lot of things I shouldn't do lately and all because of the blonde sitting next to me.

Brittany adds something to the note and passes it back. I write something back. It goes on and on throughout class. In between listening to the teacher, Brittany and I hold a conversation on the piece of paper in between us.

When Brittany gets to our American Literature class she occupies the desk directly behind mine. It's becoming a thing now and everyone else in the class knows not to sit in the desk behind me. She's early again today and by early I mean not running in when the bell rings or after.

We exchange a hello before class starts but that's about it. It's harder to focus with Brittany behind me instead of next to me. I think it's because I can't see her with a slight turn of the head. I can't exactly just turn around during class to see what she's doing. It does, however, prevent us from passing notes like we've done in Chemistry.

When Brittany starts nudging my desk with her foot, creating little bumps that vibrate through my desk, it's hard to ignore. I sigh and let her continue. I can't or won't turn around to tell her to stop. So, Brittany kicks lightly at the legs and seat of my desk the entire class.

I turn around to look at her as soon as class is over. She smile devilishly. "What?" She asks acting innocent. Brittany knows what she did. I roll my eyes and turn around to put my books into my backpack. "Hey, don't be like that. It's not like you did anything to stop it."

Brittany's standing next to me before I can reply. I just narrow my eyes at her. She smirks. I get out of my desk and step passed Brittany.

"What are your plans for the weekend?" Brittany asks into my ear. She follows a half step behind me. "There's a home football game tonight." Brittany offers and I know where this is going. I don't want to get pizza with the football team and cheerleaders after the game, even if Brittany is there.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Brittany." I try to stop her before she even begins.

"I didn't even ask yet." She whines sadly.

"I just can't- ." I tell her like that explains everything.

We get out into the hallway and Brittany walks at my side instead of behind me. When we get to my locker Brittany leans her shoulder against the locker next to mine while I undo my lock. I put my American Lit books in my locker and take out my World History and Geometry books for homework for the weekend.

"What about tomorrow?" Brittany asks. She runs her fingers along the edge of the locker door.

I finish zipping up my backpack before I give Brittany an answer. I grab the locker door to close it. Brittany still has her finger running along the cold metal. I watch as she intentionally runs her fingers over my knuckles before continuing her path on the metal door.

"I don't have any plans for tomorrow." I tell her and she finally looks to me, dropping her fingers from my locker. I swing the door shut and turn my body towards Brittany. I lean against the lockers with my shoulder, mirroring her position.

"Okay." Brittany licks her lips. "Would you like to come over to my house?" She asks tentatively. I nod. That's all I have to do. Brittany's eyes light up and she bites on her bottom lip. "How about you come by at four?"

"Okay." I nod again.

"Do you have a piece of paper?" I go to get some paper out of my backpack. "Wait. No." Brittany stops me. She reaches behind herself and pulls a pen out from somewhere. "Give me your hand."

I reach out towards Brittany nervously. Brittany wraps her palm around mine. She pushes the sleeve of my shirt up. I watch on, in awe. The feeling of her hand in mine causes the nerves in my stomach to increase ten fold.

Brittany bites on the cap of the pen and pulls it off with her teeth. "I'm gonna write my address down and then give you directions. It's easy."

"Alright." Brittany writes numbers on the inside of my arm and explains how to get to the address. I try to listen to what she's saying but it's like my hearing keeps cutting in and out. At first, it hurts when Brittany presses the pen to my skin but after a few seconds it more like a tickle.

She finishes and puts the cap that's in between her lips back on the pen. "You get all that?" She asks and I nod dumbly.

"Yeah." I only got some of the directions that Brittany was explaining to me, but I think I got enough to figure out how to get to her house. "Got it." I smile for her to let her know that I did hear her, even if I didn't totally. Somehow, Brittany's close proximity is becoming very distracting to me.

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow then." Brittany lets go of my hand. I drop it to my side. Brittany pushes off of the lockers. "I gotta go get ready before the game. There's always stuff and then we have a small pre-game meal."

"Oh." That's new information to me. "Okay." I don't wanna keep Brittany from her cheerleading duties. "Sure."

Brittany laughs. "It's not that important, but I should be there or Quinn will yell at me for a solid ten minutes." She rolls her eyes.

I nod. I still don't know who this Quinn girl is. I've gathered that she's a cheerleader and probably the head cheerleader or at least the one in charge.

"You should go then." I tell her.

"I should. I'll see you tomorrow." Brittany whispers.

"You already said that." I tease.

Brittany smiles and nods. I smile too. We stand there is silence for a few seconds just looking at each other. Brittany's eyes are so blue right now. Sometimes, I think, they are more of a grey-blue but right now they are probably the bluest I've ever seen them. I love blue eyes. I wish I had blue eyes.

"Okay." Brittany breaks my thoughts and the silence. She moves too, breaking the atmosphere around us.

"Okay." I repeat.

Brittany turns around and walks away from me to her cheerleader duties, wherever it is that those take place. I close my eyes for a minute, take a deep breathe, and push off of the lockers.

* * *

It surprises me how close Brittany lives to me. I leave the area where I live, walk through another neighborhood, and then get to her neighborhood. Can't be more than two miles in between our houses.

It's a nice fall day. I've got on black jeans, a sweatshirt with a t-shirt underneath. It's simple and I hope I'm not too underdressed for Brittany's house.

I look up at the numbers on the houses looking for the one that matches Brittany's as I walk down the street. It's a nice neighborhood, nicer than mine, that's for sure. I spot the number that matches the one that I've memorized and walk up the little sidewalk that leads to the front door.

I look left and then right, pushing the doorbell. I wait. I hear feet running along the floor from inside before the door swings open and Brittany's standing there with her lips turned up into a big smile.

"You're here. Good." Brittany seems a little breathless. Maybe it was the running? "Come in. I was just gonna order pizza. What do you like on your pizza?" She asks eagerly. Brittany bounces on the balls of her feet, she's clearly excited.

"Okay." I chuckle. I step into Brittany's house. I wouldn't exactly call it fancy but it's nice. The living room, that I step into, is a good size and is filled with furniture and pictures and other knickknacks. There's clearly a homey feel.

"Let's go to the kitchen." Brittany suggests.

I follow behind Brittany into the kitchen where there's an island in the middle of the room. All the countertop are marble. Off to the right is the dining room area with a large dining room table. A cell phone and a menu from the local pizza place lay on the counter next to a pen. The rest of the counter is clear except for a bowl with apples and oranges in it. Brittany picks up the pen and chews on the end of it.

"What do you like on your pizza?" She mumbles around the pen.

"Sausage and pepperoni. I'm pretty simple." I tell her. I don't like a lot of 'things' on my pizza. My favorite is probably sausage and I like pepperoni a bit too.

"Okay. I can work with that." Brittany makes a decision. I can tell she had a plan in mind before I showed up.

"What does that mean?"

"It means we both like sausage but I don't like pepperoni. But, I have a solution. Do you drink soda?" Brittany asks, changing direction. I nod. "What kind?" Brittany taps the pen against the tip of my nose. I look down to the spot the pen just came into connection with, crossing my eyes a little in an effort to see my own nose.

"Dr. Pepper."

Brittany wiggles her eyebrows. "Ah, we finally have something in common." She reaches for the cell phone and starts dialing a number.

"Hello. Yes. I'd like to place an order for delivery." Brittany speaks into the phone. "Okay. Can I get a large pizza with sausage on the whole pizza. And can I have one half with pepperoni and the other half with mushrooms. And can I get a bottle of Dr. Pepper, please."

There's a pause and Brittany looks to me. Brittany listens to the person on the other end of the line, then she writes something on a white blank area on the menu. It's a number.

"Okay. Thank you. Bye." Brittany says abruptly and hangs up the call. "Pizza should be here in about thirty minutes."

"Awesome."

"Wanna watch a movie?" She asks happily.

"Sure."

Brittany puts on a movie and we watch it until the doorbell rings. I sit on one end of the couch, in the living room, and Brittany sits on the other. I don't know how close I'm suppose to sit and how close is too close. I wish I knew the answers to questions like these. What's an acceptable distance between two friends when sitting on the same couch?

When the doorbell rings Brittany pauses the movie and jumps up to answer it. "Come on. I need your help." She pats me on the top of the head as she passes.

The pizza guy smiles as she answers the door. Brittany hands him some money and the pizza guy hands Brittany the soda first. She hands the bottle to me and then takes the pizza from the pizza guy with a thank you.

Brittany and I eat our pizza at the kitchen island. After we're done Brittany suggests we get back to the movie. She takes two glasses of Dr. Pepper with her into the living room and sets them down on the little table at the end of the couch.

I sit down where I was sitting before. Brittany goes and dims the lights in the room and then she sits on the other end of the couch, where she was before. It's a good movie; nothing I've seen before, but Brittany made a good choice.

Time passes and the movie ends.

"Another?" Brittany asks.

I nod and smile. I'm liking this. It's simple, it's easy. Hanging out with Brittany is going well. It seems natural. I haven't felt uncomfortable or anxious at all. Brittany turns on another movie.

"Do you want some?" She holds out a glass of Dr. Pepper for me. I take the glass, take a big drink, then hand the glass back to Brittany, so she can set it down.

I try to settle into the couch again for the beginning of the next movie, but I can't get comfortable. I wrap my arms around my middle in a hug.

"Are you cold?" Brittany asks. The ever observant blonde hit's the nail on the head. Not even I realized that I was a little chilly and that's why I couldn't get comfortable. It's fall now and the temperatures outside are starting to dip. Cool nights and warm days, but there seems to be an extra chill in the air tonight.

I shrug, trying to downplay it. "A little."

Brittany gives me a tight lipped smile and nods. She bends over and produces a folded up blanket from somewhere on her end of the couch. "I only have one."

I furrow my brow at Brittany. I only need one blanket. What is she talking about?

Brittany tilts her head to the side and then starts unfolding the blanket. She lays the item half over her legs and half over the empty spot on the couch next to her.

Oh!

"I'll behave. I promise." Brittany mumbles. She looks out of the corner of her eye with her head ducked and a shy expression on her face.

I debate internally for a split second before scooting over closer to Brittany. I get as close as possible without touching any part of my body to hers. Brittany covers my legs with the blanket and starts the movie.

I grab hold of the edge of the blanket and pull it up my body a little. I settle in with the new warmth and focus on the movie. It's a little harder to focus now that I'm sitting directly next to Brittany. But when she laughs at the first funny part I stop worrying and relax. I'm warm and comfortable and relaxed in Brittany's house. In her presence. Just a few weeks ago we were strangers and now here we are.

* * *

The first thing I register is the smell of vanilla. The second thing I register is feeling warm and cozy. I nuzzle closer to the source of the warmth. It's soo warm. A little moan vibrates in my throat.

Then I hear a giggle.

My eyes snap open but I try not to move. Everything's a blur for a second and when I focus my surrounding come into view and I remember where I am. Brittany's house.

Not only that, but the warmth is Brittany herself. Without moving a muscle I try to see what's happening. I figure that my head is resting on Brittany's shoulder and my right side leans into Brittany's left, pressed together tightly.

When did this happen? When did I fall asleep?

Brittany moves next to me. I can feel her eyes on me. "Hey, sleepyhead." She giggles.

"How long was I asleep?" I ask timidly. I don't really want to know the answer. In fact, this whole situation is embarrassing.

"Not long. About a half hour."

"Shit." I mumble. I've been in this position for that long.

"It's alright. I don't mind." Brittany says. Of course she doesn't mind me practically sleeping on her.

"I need to go home." I look at my wristwatch. It's nearly 10pm. Where did the evening go? How is it so late already? It feels like I just got to Brittany's.

"Hey, it's late. Stay the night. You can sleep in the spare bedroom. Or wherever you want." Brittany grins sneakily. "Just call your dad and tell him you're staying over and you'll be home in the morning."

Brittany's suggestion is great but I can't. It's not a possibility. I can't just call up my dad and tell him what's going on. He's gonna wonder where I am if I don't return home soon.

I look to Brittany to tell her that I can't stay. That I that have to go home. And it must be written all over my face because Brittany's face falls in disappointment. Her eyes turn cloudy before she ducks her head and I can't see them anymore.

"I'll walk you to the door." Brittany stands and the blanket that was around both of us falls to the floor.

I get up a second later. It's was a nice little nap and I stretch out as I stand. Brittany opens and holds the door for me. I don't know what I'm suppose to say to her other than the two words that are swimming in my brain. I step out onto the front porch and turn back to Brittany. She's looking out into the darkness of the night. She won't look at me.

"Brittany, I-" She looks to me and I stumble over my words. Was I just about to apologize? "I'll see you at school, okay?"

I want to know that it is, in fact, okay.

"Okay." She nods sadly.

"Okay." I mumble and turn to go. I walk down the steps and when I get to the sidewalk I hear the door close behind me. The light from Brittany's front porch leads me to the sidewalk next to the street. I stuff my hands in my pants pockets with a huff and start my journey home.

It doesn't take long before I approach my home. There's no outside light on to light the way. There's no outside light. I ascend the steps delicately and hope. When I step into the house the only light comes from the television. My dad passed out in his recliner is a relief. I won't have to deal with whatever antics he has tonight. I pass by him and head down the hallway to my room.

* * *

"Your partners will be the person who sits at your table with you." Mr. Channing announces.

I glance to my right. Brittany's already smiling at me.

"The project is due in two weeks. You can have the rest of this class period to work together and start brainstorming and planning. Starting now." Mr. Channing sits down at his desk and the classroom erupts into a chatter of students.

First of all, I'm relieved that Brittany is my partner for this project. I don't know how it would go if I had to work with someone else. I can assume it would be disastrous in some way.

Second, I can tell that Brittany is excited about this project. If her huge smile is any indication.

"We can use my house. Or go to the library after school or both." Brittany suggests, almost bouncing in her seat. That just confirms how excited she is.

"Okay." I agree.

At the end of class Brittany hooks her pinky around mine and leads me down the hallway. We walk together all the way to forth period Geometry and Brittany stops us outside the door. Her eyes search mine. It makes me nervous when she does that. What is she looking for? And perhaps more scary, what does she find?

"You're gonna be late for your next class." I don't know what class Brittany has next, but if she stands her any longer she's gonna be late for it.

Brittany just shakes her head. "Nope. I have lunch next." She smiles. She knows that's new information to me. "We have different lunch periods."

It explains a lot, actually. That's why I've never seen Brittany during lunch.

"How did you know what class I had after Chemistry?" I need to know. How does Brittany know so much about my schedule and I haven't even figured out that we have different lunches. The thought never even occurred to me.

"I saw your schedule the first week of school."

"And you what, memorized it?" I ask. I can't believe this.

"Yeah." Brittany shrugs.

"Well, what's your schedule. Since you seem to know mine, I think it only fair that I know yours."

Brittany looks down the hallway one direction and then the other. "First period, Trig. Then, Home Ec. Chemistry, as you know. Forth period is lunch. U.S. History. Glee. And American Lit with you." Brittany leans a little closer to me. "I didn't know you were so interested?" She whispers to me.

I have to take a step back. It's too much. Brittany's too close right now.

"And I think you should drop one of your classes." Brittany says.

I narrow my eyes at her. "What? Why?"

"You should drop your Art class." Brittany squeezes my pinky finger and then lets itgo. I drop that hand to my side. What's Brittany's plan here? She obviously has one.

"Why?"

"So we can have another class together." Brittany says at the same time that the bell rings. "Don't want to be late for class." She adds and nods her head in the direction of my Geometry classroom.

Stunned, I turn and walk into the room. The whole class watches me as I find a desk. I don't care though. I feel them watching me more than actually see them watching me. My head is elsewhere. The teacher starts talking but I don't hear anything she says.

Brittany wants me to drop my art class. But why? She said it was so we could have another class together. It doesn't make any sense though. What class?

It's not until a few minutes later when I realize that I have Art sixth period that I know what Brittany's plan is. I know what Brittany wants.

She wants me to join the Glee Club.

* * *

In American Lit, Brittany doesn't sit near me. She sits on the opposite side of the room with two other cheerleaders. Before the class started they seemed to be in a pretty intense conversation. Hands gestured about and faces were full of extra expression. I wondered what it was that they were discussing so fiercely. I didn't get to find out before class started though. Not that they would've told me but I know if got the opportunity to ask Brittany she would have told me.

Brittany waits at the door after class. She waits for _me._ "How was your day?" She asks when we step into the hallway.

"Good, I guess. Nothing bad happened." I don't know what else to say. It was another boring day of high school.

Brittany doesn't link her pinky with mine and I find myself a little disappointed by that. But she does walks by my side the whole way to my locker. She keeps a respectable distance and keeps all her body parts to herself.

"Cool." Brittany comes to a halt next to my locker. I dial in the combination and pull the locker open. Brittany waits patiently. I know she has Cheerios practice but she doesn't seem to be in any hurry to get to it. Instead, she leans with her back against the lockers, playing with the pleats of her Cheerios skirt.

I get what I need and close my locker. I want to ask Brittany about the whole dropping my class thing but she beats me to it.

"Well, it's getting late. I gotta go to practice." Brittany pushes off of the row of lockers and turns to me and grips my elbow between her thumb and index finger. "I'll see you tomorrow." She leans closer and my eyes widen when I feel her breath on my cheek. Brittany presses her lips firmly to my left cheek. They're there and then they're gone, in an instant.

"Bye." She whispers, barely audible.

"B-bye." I stutter. I nearly collapse into the wall of lockers. I lean against my locker similar to the way Brittany was leaning against the lockers a few seconds ago. She's disappeared since then. Everything is so overwhelming all of a sudden. I look both ways down the hallway. There's nobody in sight. That's a good thing, I think. I feel light and not in a good way. It's more of a woozy way. Like, I'm weak and I might fall over at any second. I take a few deep breathes and try to gather myself enough to make my walk home.

I take one step away from my locker and then another and another. Soon, I'm outside and the crisp, cool fall air helps. I can breathe deeper and my brain seems like it's in less of a haze.

It's during the steps that I take towards my home that I realize why everything is so overwhelming, why my head feels fuzzy and clouded every time Brittany gets too close. This thing that's happening between her and I is great and I can honestly say that we are becoming good friends. It's because the things I'm developing are becoming more than friendly. I might possibly have feelings for Brittany.

And I don't know what to do with that.

On one hand I want to remain friends with Brittany. But on the other, what if something could be there. A little part of me wants to see what could happen between us. There's also the plan that I made at the beginning of the school year. I've already started to deviate from that plan and don't want to deviate any further.

I know one thing for sure. Brittany has come into my life and turned everything upside down. No matter what happens, I know that my life can't possibly be the same as it was before I met Brittany.


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow, I can't believe all the great reviews I'm getting. Thanks guys. I never truly know how well a chapter is gonna be received by the readers. I'm really feeling this story as I write too. It's just flowing from me. More so than any other story I've written, I think. I hope that continues. Thanks for reading. Thanks for all the reviews, alerts, favorites, etc.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

I'm sitting on the carpet floor of Brittany's bedroom. It's the first time I've ever been in here. I don't know if that's strange or not. The first time I came to Brittany's house we stayed downstairs, mostly in the living room and kitchen. I'm here to work with Brittany on our Chemistry project.

Her room isn't like I imagined it would be. I don't know what I imagined really, but not this. The walls are a light blue and mostly bare except for one picture of her and a young girl above her desk, probably her little sister. The bed is a twin with dark blue covers and two pillows. There's a poster on the back of the door of someone dancing, but there aren't very many other personal items. There's a desk, the bed, a dresser, and a nightstand that occupy the room.

There's a notebook in front of me, on the floor, with all of our ideas in it. On the other side of the notebook is Brittany, sitting pretzel style. She's wearing sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. Her hair is in a messy bun. She looks comfortable and really good.

I'm dressed up a little more than Brittany. I'm not one to wear sweatpants, but even if I do, I never wear them out of the house. I have on black jeans, a t-shirt, and a button down blue and black flannel.

"I think we should incorporate some of this into our project." Brittany says and points down to the page of her Chemistry text book.

I lean over the notebook on the floor. Putting my right hand on the floor for balance and lean over to see what Brittany is pointing at. I glance at the page. It's hard to read upside-down, but I get the basic point. I have read the information before so that helps.

"Okay." I whisper, looking from the page up to Brittany. Her face is so close to mine only a few inches away.

"I really-" Brittany licks her lips. "I really think it will make our project b-better." She looks down at the text book and then back up at me. Brittany takes a breathe and I see her move closer. Too close.

I know I should move away. I know what's about to happen. But, I let it happen anyway.

Brittany leans in and her lips press gently against mine. I hold completely still as Brittany presses into me once and then twice. First kissing my top lip and then switching to the bottom. I don't resist. The kiss is sweet and tender and makes my head spin.

Then I remember everything all of a sudden. As Brittany moves to press her lips to mine for a third time I pull away. I sit back on my heels and close my eyes.

"Brittany." I sigh. I remember why this can't happen. Why I can't let this happen. I need to stick to my plan or as close to my plan as possible. This isn't in the plan. Brittany and I can't get involved. Friends, sure, but more than that, no way.

Brittany is great, and she's proving to be a better person than I originally thought. She's been a good friend to me and I can't and won't risk that friendship for what, a possible hook-up.

"I have to tell you something." I open my eyes and look to Brittany. She's sitting back playing with her hands nervously in her lap.

"I'm sorry." Brittany murmurs.

"Brittany, look at me." She looks up. "You have nothing to be sorry for." I tell her. Brittany breathes a sigh of relief. "But, I have to tell you something. This-" I point to myself and then to her. "-it can't happen. Ya know why?" Brittany shakes her head. "Because I have a plan. And I have to stick to that plan as best as I can. I want to graduate in May. With good grades. Good enough to get into a good college. A college somewhere away from Lima. I need to do that. And so I can't start anything with you."

"Oh." Brittany seems a little stunned.

"It has nothing to do with you. You're a really nice girl and if things were different well- if things were different." I conclude. This isn't easy to tell Brittany. I don't want to hurt her or make her sad in any way. This is the best way I now how to keep her safe and happy.

She's quiet for a long few seconds. "Brittany, say something, please?"

She bites her lips and I can almost see the wheels turning in her brain. "I don't care." She tells me defiantly. "I don't care. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. I've been doing it my whole life." Brittany says somberly.

"What does that mean?" She's thrown me for a loop. Her words seems to be out of context. Where is this coming from?

"Nothing." Brittany shakes her head. She picks up the notebook and examines the words on the page. "Just forget it. Lets get back to work on the project. Okay?"

"Okay." I agree for lack of knowing what else to say.

Things have taken a weird turn. I suppose that started with the kiss. Or maybe what I said afterwards, but it's just gotten weirder and weirder. The atmosphere in Brittany's bedroom has changed. It's not comfortable like it was before. Everything just changed in more ways than one.

The kiss, what I said, and then what Brittany said. I understand the first two things but what Brittany said still doesn't make any sense to me. She won't elaborate further. I know she doesn't want to talk about it, but I'm curious why she said what she did.

We work on our Chemistry project and actually come up with a solid ideas and plans for how we are going to do it. Even with the weirdness in the room Brittany and I work well together.

"I have to be home for dinner." I tell her. Brittany looks up from her text book and nods. She smiles sadly and something in me hurts to see it. Brittany closes the book and stands. She holds her hand out to me. I take it and Brittany pulls me to my feet.

Brittany hangs her head as we exit her bedroom. She descends the stairs first and I follow closely behind. She seems so sad. It's been building ever since our little argument, if I can even call it that. There were no happy smiles and laughs after that, just tight lipped smiles and dull grey-blue eyes.

I don't want her to be sad.

"We can still be friends." I tell Brittany when we are at the door.

"I know." Brittany says to the floor. She won't look up.

I'm at a loss. "Can I have a hug?" It's the first thing I can think of.

Brittany nods and steps to me. I wrap my arms around her middle and she hugs me around my shoulders. Brittany hugs me tightly, squeezing her body to mine. I rub one hand up and down her back once and release my grip of her. But, Brittany doesn't let go at first. She holds on tighter for a quick few seconds before letting go. I take a step back and so does Brittany.

"Okay. I'll see you at school." I say quietly. I glance at Brittany once more. Looking up and down her body quickly. Brittany seems so small and timid in this moment. I've never seen her like that. She's always been a bright light, cheerful, happy even. Now it looks like that light has burned out.

"Yeah." She mumbles looking at the floor again.

I reach for the door handle and let myself out. I inhale a deep breath of crisp fall air once outside. Everything feels so difficult and confusing right now, like I don't know what's right and what's wrong. What's up and what's down? Everything's mixed up and not just in my own life.

When did I start to care about other people? When did it matter to me what someone else was feeling? When did feelings get involved? And when did I get a friend? It all seems so sudden.

* * *

Monday at school is weird too. I feel like the word _weird_ is the best way to describe everything that is happening in my life right now. When Brittany walks into Chemistry I can tell something's off with her right away. Her body language gives her away. She smiles at me as she sits down but doesn't say anything. She sits rigid in her chair, with her back straight. She never sits like that. Brittany doesn't have that carefree attitude that she usually carries. She takes out her books and a pen.

When Mr. Channing starts teaching I see Brittany actually taking notes. Something I've never seen her do before. It makes everything that's happening even more confusing.

"See ya in seventh period." Brittany says with a tight-lipped smile at the end of class.

I nod my acknowledgement to her.

I feel bad. I feel like I'm responsible for the mood that Brittany is in. Maybe I should apologize. For what though? I was being honest and telling the truth. I can't apologize for what I said. There has to be something I can do to put my friend in a better mood. It doesn't seem right to see Brittany this way. It doesn't suit her.

The day drags on. My brain spin with questions and possible solutions but nothing seems good enough. I certainly don't want to make the situation worse.

In American Lit Brittany sits with her cheerleader friends and that makes me feel even guiltier. She's avoiding me because of what I said and did. I have to figure out how to make this right. I just got a friend and I can't lose her already.

Brittany doesn't wait for me at the end of class. She leaves with the other Cheerios before I can even pack up my books. Today I've probably had less interaction with Brittany than any other day since the first week of school.

* * *

Tuesday starts off better than Monday did. Brittany smiles genuinely as she approaches our table at the back of the Chemistry classroom. That's a good sign. Maybe she just needed some time and space away from me.

"Hey." Brittany says as she sits down.

"Hi." I reply and then panic for something else to say. But what?

"I hear we have a substitute today. Probably just watch a movie or something." Brittany says before I can think of anything.

"Really?" I say dumbly.

The bell rings and Brittany is right. A substitute teacher walks in the door. "Hello, class. I'm Mr. Jensen. Mr. Channing is a little under the weather today and I'll be filling in. I don't know anything about Chemistry, but Mr. Channing has left a short video and then a short worksheet for you guys to fill out. Let's get started."

Mr. Jensen passes out the worksheets then starts the video. When he turns the lights off I look to Brittany. She has her head down, scanning the piece of paper in front of her. The video gets passed the introduction and I turn my attention to the video, trying to puts my thoughts of the girl next to me out of my mind.

It doesn't work. It never seems to. Somewhere in my brain, no matter how big or small, a part of me is always thinking about Brittany. I glance over at her every few minutes, but she's never catches me looking. Or if she does she ignores it and stares forward at the video on the screen at the front of the room.

In American Literature Brittany takes the desk behind mine, but she doesn't try to talk to me or make any moves to get my attention. I get the feeling like something is missing. Like I'm missing something. I don't know what it is though and that drives me even crazier.

Brittany leaves with a short 'goodbye' at the end of the day. I sigh after she leaves. This has to change. Things between Brittany and I. I never thought I would say something like that. But over the last few weeks we have become friends and I find myself missing and needing that in the last couple of days. Brittany has been distant and reserved and it bothers me. Something has to change and I have to be the one to make the change if she won't.

After I stop at my locker, I scrounge up enough courage to march into the school office.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist behind a gigantic desk asks me.

"Yes, you can. I need to talk to someone about changing my schedule. A guidance counselor or whatever." I'm not sure how the process works.

"We're more than a month into the school year. I don't know if that's possible but we can get you a meeting with a counselor nonetheless."

I nod. I'm determined. I need to talk to someone and get my schedule changed. It doesn't matter to me that it might be too late. I have to do this.

I have to make it up to Brittany and this is the only way I can think to do that, even if I might take a hit academically.

The receptionist, or whatever her title is, gets on the phone and dials up someone. They exchange a few words and she hangs up. "Okay, Ms.?"

"Lopez." I fill in.

"Ms. Lopez, Mrs. Gardner can see you now. It's the second door on the right." The receptionist points to the small hallway behind her.

"Thank you." I nod. I pass by the giant desk and into the hallway. I knock on the second door on the right.

"Come in." Is muffled through the door.

I try the handle and push the door open. The room is small, probably six feet by eight feet. There's a desk and office chair for the occupant of the room and another small, flimsy looking chair for me to sit in.

"Hey, I'm Mrs. Gardner. You are?" She asks and holds out her hand.

"Santana Lopez." I tell the middle aged blonde woman on the other side of the desk. "I need to change my schedule."

"May I ask why? It's getting late to be making changes."

Shit. I didn't think this through. I just need to be in Glee and not in Art anymore. I didn't realize that I needed a reason. I can't tell this woman the real reason.

"Shut the door and have a seat, please." Mrs. Gardner instructs.

"I- I- don't like Art." I stutter out.

I can tell from the look on her face that she doesn't believe me, but Mrs. Gardner nods anyway. "Why not?" She asks.

"I needed another class to take to fill out my schedule. But I've realized that Art is not my thing. It's not that it's too difficult, it's just that I don't feel like I fit into that class. I'm not as creative as the other students and I feel like it's not a good fit for me." Some of what I say is true and some of it is false, but I think it's a good enough reason to allow me to switch classes.

"Okay. What period do you have Art?"

"Sixth." I know why she's asking and I know why it's Art that I want to switch. It needs to be my sixth period class that I'm switching in order for this to work.

"And do you have an idea of what class you might take in the place of Art?" Man, this woman asks a lot of questions, but I guess that's her job.

"Yeah, actually." I look down at my hand that I just now realize I'm nervously gripping together. "Glee."

"Really?" Mrs. Gardner squeaks. "You know that you have to be able to sing to be in that class."

"I know. And I can." I look over to the guidance counselor and lock eyes with her to let her know that I am serious about this.

"Well, Santana, you're in luck." Mrs. Gardner rearranges some papers on her desk. "This wouldn't work with any other class that you wanted to get into, academically speaking. We will have to forfeit any grades you received in Art class, but Glee is more or less a pass or fail class. I know Mr. Schuester is always looking for more students to join, so it's not a problem. You are going to have to go see him before you start with Glee to okay everything with him."

"Okay." I can't believe this is happening. That I am actually gonna be able to pull this off. Little ole Santana Lopez is actually getting something that I want. Even though it's not for me, it's for Brittany.

"Alright. I'll get the paperwork started right now. Tomorrow instead of Art you will have Glee sixth period. You'll have to meet Mr. Schuester sometime before then, either at the beginning of the day or at lunch."

"Okay. I can do that."

"This is an unusual case, Santana. You're sure you want to do this, because I won't have you coming back her and wanting to switch back or to some other class. This is permanent." The counselor double checks.

"I'm one hundred percent sure." I tell her confidently. There's nothing I'm more sure of right now than doing this. This is something that I should of probably done before now anyway. Brittany suggested I switch classes about two weeks ago. It should have happened sooner, but the timing right now couldn't be more perfect. I can't wait to see Brittany's face when I tell her tomorrow.

"Okay, Santana. Consider it done." Mrs. Gardner scribbles on the paper in front of her.

"Thank you, so much. I'm sorry for the suddenness and inconvenience of this, but I had to do this today. It couldn't wait another day." That's the truth.

I walk out of the school with my head held high. I've done something that I'm sure will change things with Brittany and myself. I hope she won't be mad at me, or whatever she is at me, anymore. I hope she sees that I'm making an effort for our friendship. I hope that tomorrow goes well. I know that I will probably have to do things that I'm uncomfortable with for Glee Club, but if Brittany isn't sad or mad anymore than I think it's worth it.

* * *

I debate whether or not I should tell Brittany that I'm switching classes or if I should just make it a surprise and show up in Glee.

I make my way down the somewhat secluded hallway that houses the choir room, band room, and auditorium. Stopping in front of Mr. Schuester's door, I knock twice.

"Yes."

I push the door open and he looks up from this computer screen with surprise.

"Hi, I'm Santana Lopez."

"Ah. Santana. The paperwork was delivered to me mere minutes ago. Our newest member. Come in."

I step into his office and look around. There are stacks upon stacks of sheet music occupying three of the four office walls. His curly hair and creepy smile freak me out a little bit. But he's a teacher how dangerous can he be? They wouldn't hire a child predator to teach the Glee kids.

"First, can you sing?" He asks and pushes his chair away from his desk, forgetting his computer completely.

"Yes."

"Okay. Now, you'll have to audition for the Glee Club. It's more of a formality really. We except just about everyone, but you still have to audition."

"Okay. I can do that." I look around nervously trying not to make eye contact with the man.

I'll have to find the perfect song to audition with, but I had sorta figure that I would need to sing a song or 'audition'. Not the biggest of deals.

"We are a very inclusive group and-"

"Mr. Schue." A screeching voice interrupts him. I turn around to the screeching noise and see a short brunette standing in the doorway. Her mouth ajar and her eyes looking me up and down.

"Rachel, I'm busy right now. What is it?"

"I just-" This Rachel girl's eyes never leave my body. "-I just-" She licks her lips and closes her mouth. "-is this a new recruit?" She changes directions.

"Rachel, I'm in the middle of something. Hold on." He tells the short brunette. She's so short. I'm not the tallest girl in the world but I've got at least three inches on this girl.

"Santana." Mr. Schuester turns to me again. "I'll see you in class. We can talk more later."

"Okay." I turn to leave, eyeing Rachel as best as I can trying to get a feel for her.

"What class?" Rachel asks Mr. Schuester as a walk away. "Is she a new Glee club member?"

I get too far away to hear his response.

* * *

Mr. Schuester caught me in the hall before class and whisked me away into his office. He told me to start in here until I heard my name, that he was going to introduce me to the Glee Club and then I can make my entrance.

I look around the little room and am amazed by how much crap is crammed into the little office. I guess to some people it's probably not crap, like Mr. Schuester, but the room is filled with so much sheet music that I'm positive that it's a fire hazard.

The bell rang about thirty seconds ago and I can hear Mr. Schuester talking on the other side of the office wall. I listen closely for him to say my name.

"Alright everyone." Mr. Schuester's muffled voice hums through the wall. "We have a new member joining us today." That's my cue. I put my hand on the doorknob and get ready to tug it open. "I'm thrilled to introduce to you, Santana Lopez."

I pull the door open and step into the room. There's shock and confusion of most of their faces. That Rachel girl from earlier today has a smug grin on her face and her arms are crossed over her chest. But the best reaction has to be from the one person that this is all for. Brittany stares at me with the most confused, awestruck expression as I walk to the middle of the room and stand next to Mr. Schuester.

"Hi." I wave to the group awkwardly. "Mostly of you probably don't know who I am. I'm Santana and I moved here a few months ago and started at this school at the beginning of the year. I don't know what else to say so…" I trail off and look to Mr. Schuester for guidance.

"Okay, you can have a seat and we'll get started." He says and turns his back to the group.

I spot one of the few empty seats. It's one row behind Brittany and one seat to her left. I walk to her and her eyes widen quickly. I get closer to her and her face turns into the biggest, happiest smile.

"Hi." I whisper to Brittany and her smile increases. I pass by her right side to get to the second row. My left hand comes down to Brittany's shoulder and I use her body a little to propel myself to the upper row of chairs. Brittany does her part and holds still for me.

"Today's lesson is… Hip-Hop." The teacher announces.

The room groans collectively. I look around and kids are shaking their head, have their faces in their hands, and have their eyes squinted shut. I don't see what the problem is.

A tap on my kneecap turns my attention from the students around me. I look for the source and see Brittany turned in her seat, looking up at me.

"Why?" She asks quietly.

I shrug. I know what she's asking. "I thought it would be a good idea." I don't want Brittany to get the idea that I did this mostly for her. Even though that may be true, I can't have that fact exposed. I can sing. And I guess I do like singing, so I see no harm in joining the Glee Club.

"Brittany, turn around." That Rachel girl scolds from the seat next to Brittany. I don't like her already. Who does she think she is bossing Brittany around like that? She's not a teacher.

Brittany nods at me and turns to face forward in her chair. Just by the nod she gave me, I know this discussion isn't over.

I sit back and watch the Glee Club operate. It's any interesting thing. How they all seem to come from somewhat different backgrounds, but when they get together to sing they fit together so well.

Brittany turns around in her seat a few times during class just to smile at me before turning back around.

When Glee finishes Brittany grabs hold of my pinky immediately. "What are you doing?" I ask. We are in school. Is this okay?

"Shh." Brittany grins. She leads me out of the room and down the hall. We walk pinky in pinky through the hallways to American Lit. This feels good. Walking with Brittany through the school from one class that we have together to another. It puts a smile on my face. I know now that I did the right thing. Not only for Brittany but for myself. Me switching from Art to Glee is gonna be a positive for me. And Brittany doesn't seems to be upset with me anymore, so that's a plus.

Brittany takes the desk behind mine in American Lit. Once the class is finished Brittany is smiling at me, just standing there, waiting for me to pack up my things so we can leave. She resumes the new tradition of walking me to my locker after school.

"I'm really happy that you joined the Glee Club." She sighs and leans against the locker next to mine.

"Yeah?" I look to her.

Brittany smiles happily and nods. I smile too. "Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

Brittany shakes her head and I worry for a second that she's still mad and what I did didn't help. "I was never mad at you."

"Oh." Then I really misunderstood the situation.

"I don't know what I was. Maybe disappointed or mad at myself. But I was never mad at you, Santana." Brittany confirms and I feel a little lighter. I end up nodding into my locker. I pull out my Chemistry book and shove it in my backpack.

"We should work on our project on Saturday night. It is due on Monday, after all. I wouldn't want to not get it done and hurt your grades. We could work on it at my house again. You could stay over night cuz I don't know how long it will take. We might be working late into the night. Or it could take all weekend to finish. Even Sunday. You almost have to stay overnight." Brittany rambles. She's so cute when she rambles when she's trying to get something that she wants. I know what she's doing. I can see her standing next to me making excuses so I'll stay over at her house.

I shut my locker and turn to face Brittany. "I'll let my dad know." I smirk.

Brittany's eyes light up in an instant. "I can't wait." She smiles. Her smile is infectious. When Brittany smiles I want to smile too. I can't help it. She makes me smile.

"I have Cheerios practice, but I can't wait until Saturday. You've made me so happy today." Brittany leans closer to me and her lips press gently against my left cheek. My eyes widen. We're in the middle of the school hallway. Brittany pulls away as quickly as she leaned in.

Good thing nobody was in the hallway to see that. It still amazes me how quickly the school clears out at the end of the day.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Brittany says, shy all of a sudden. She looks down at her toes and only glances up at me as she's stepping away with a smallest, cutest smile on her face. I give her a little tight-lipped smile in return and then she disappears.

The things that are currently going on inside of me are unexplainable. Maybe someone could explain them, but I sure as hell can't.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I asked Nancy if she would drop me off at Brittany's on Saturday afternoon. I heard through a conversation she was having with my dad that she had Saturday off. In exchange, I had to accompany her to the grocery store before she drops me off.

The wind is cold on my hands and face as I transfer the groceries from the shopping cart to the back seat of Nancy's car.

"So, what's your friend's name?" Nancy asks on the drive over to Brittany's house.

"Brittany."

"That's a nice name."

"Yeah." I tell her. I know she's looking for me to tell her more about Brittany but I won't. I don't want Nancy or my dad knowing anything about Brittany. Well, I want to keep as much from them as I can. I want to keep Brittany as much of a secret from my family as possible and protect her from them. Though, after today Nancy's gonna know where Brittany lives.

She drops me off in front of Brittany's house and I hurry up the sidewalk and steps. I ring the doorbell and wait. Only a few seconds pass before the door swings open.

"It's fucking freezing out here." I complain when I step into the house. "The wind." I say in explanation.

"Oh, just come right in." Brittany laughs. I frown. I was just in a hurry to get out of the cold. It's been a nice fall so far but today seems extra cold and windy. Hopefully, all the days to come aren't like this and it's just gonna be a short cold snap.

"Uh-" I stare at Brittany.

Her laugh turns into a warm smile. "Take your coat and shoes off. You're in luck. I'm making chili and garlic beard. Should warm you right up."

Brittany wanders off into the kitchen as I'm removing my shoes. "It smells really good in here." I comment. It never smells this good at my house. Where I live a home-cooked meal is a rarity. "How do you know how to do this?" I wave my hand at the stove.

Brittany shrugs. "My mom, mostly." She opens the oven and sticks her head in to check on the garlic bread. "Sunday's we have family time and cook and stuff. I just know it from memory. I don't have to follow a recipe or anything."

"Are you bragging?" I tease.

"No." She shakes her head. "I'm just stating. The bread's ready. You ready to eat."

"I didn't know I was gonna be served such a nice meal." I tell Brittany and duck my head. It's almost too much. She did this for me. She treats me so well and I don't know what to do or say about it.

"It's not. It's just dinner. Plus, the fam will love the leftovers."

"Where are they? The _fam_?" As Brittany referred to them.

"Out. Work." She shrugs and pulls the bread out of the oven.

"Oh." I mumble. It seems odd to me that all the times that I've been to Brittany's house, all three of them, her parents or sister haven't been home.

"Let's eat." Brittany changes the subject.

The chili that Brittany made is really good, no actually, it's great. I tell her so. The garlic bread is good too even though I know that it was just store bought and heated up in the oven. Chili and garlic bread are the perfect match.

"Thank you, Brittany." I tell her when I finish my bowl of chili.

"For what?"

"Dinner." And so much more. But, I don't tell her that. She doesn't even know but I am finding myself thankful for her and the things that she does more and more. It's almost a daily things. Brittany's seems to be doing things for me whether she realizes it or not. Like this dinner. I'm sure she just thought she was making a nice dinner but what she doesn't know is that it means so much more to me than that.

"Oh. Well, it was good wasn't it?" She asks. She wiggles her eyebrows at me trying to get me to say it was good.

"It was." I tell her sincerely. "Can I help you clean up?" I feel like I need to do something. Something for her.

"You don't have to- buuuttt- I won't stop you if that's what you want." Brittany gets up from her seat next to me and pats me on the top of the head. "I can wash and you can dry. It's not much, shouldn't take too long."

Brittany's right, she usually is, the dishes don't take long at all. Five minutes tops. It's just her dishes and mine. We finish that and Brittany puts the leftover chili and garlic bread in the fridge for her family, who still aren't here. I want to ask her more about it but don't know if that would be appropriate.

We are working on our Chemistry project in Brittany's room when I get the courage to ask Brittany about her parents. I know I shouldn't pry into her personal life but we are friends and I feel like I should know.

"Brittany, when are your parents gonna be home?"

"Why?" She stops working and looks at me quizzically.

"I was just wondering. I've been here three times now and I haven't seen anyone but you in the house. You don't live here alone, do you?"

Brittany chuckles a little. "No. My parents will probably be home between ten and eleven. My sister is at a sleepover at one of her friends. She usually has sleepovers on Saturday nights. My mom and dad are busy and aren't home a lot." A sadness I've seen a few times before comes back in Brittany's voice and her expression. She smiles weakly trying to cover it.

"Oh." I feel like I should apologize even though it's not my fault that her parents aren't home. I have a feeling that her parents aren't around a lot, like she said, and that Brittany wishes they were.

"Yeah." Brittany mumbles uselessly. "Let's get back to work."

We work on the project until an alarm goes off at eight pm. Brittany set it when we started and said that if we weren't done by eight we would quit for the night and work on the project more tomorrow. She said that she didn't want to overwork her brain and that she didn't want mine to fry up either.

"Put on your pajamas. It's movie time." Brittany demands, but not in a demanding way.

"Okay." I go to the bathroom and nervously change into my pajamas. I loose t-shirt and pajama pants. Nothing fancy. I'm nervous about the rest of the night. I'm not sure what's gonna happen. I know that Brittany and I are going to watch a movie but what else. I don't know what usually happens at sleepovers. The thing I'm most worried about is where I'm going to be sleeping.

When I get back to Brittany's room, she has changed into her pajamas. A white t-shirt and shorts with little ducks on them.

"I like your shorts. They're cute." I say the first thing that comes to mind.

"Thanks." Brittany grins bashfully. She's sitting on the bed ready to start the movie. I look to the tv on the opposite side of the room and the movie menu screen is up and Brittany's just waiting for me to sit down on the bed with her so she can press play.

I go over and sit like Brittany is sitting, with my back resting against the headboard and my legs straight out in front of me, my ankles crossed.

The movie starts and Brittany turns off the lamp on the bedside table next to her. The only light in the bedroom comes from the tv screen.

Only a few minutes pass before Brittany scoots closer to me. I look to her and she asks me a silent question with her eyes - if what she's doing is okay. I nod. Brittany then wraps her left arm around my shoulder and pulls our sides together. I slink down a little on the bed to get more comfortable. Brittany adjusts her arm around me and I lay my head on her shoulder.

I was nervous before but I'm not anymore. This feels good, right. Cuddling with Brittany just feels so nature. When I'm close to Brittany I feel like everything could be alright. I trust Brittany, she makes me feel safe. So laying with her like this, in her arms, feels natural.

I catch Brittany watching me a few times. The first couple I ignore, but it just keeps happening. Brittany's head turns right next to mine to look at me. That's hard to not notice.

"What?" I have to ask.

Brittany ducks away. "Nothing." She whispers.

We watch the movie again for a while before I can feel Brittany watching me once more. I find it humorous.

"I can feel your eyes on me, Brittany." I whisper into the room.

Brittany squeezes her arm around me. "I'm not."

"Watch the movie, Brittany." I chuckle.

"Okay." She says. I can tell she's smiling even without looking at her. I can hear it in Brittany's voice.

Brittany hums and cuddles closer to me if that's possible. If I get any closer to her I'll be in her lap or vice versa. My attention is on the movie for the longest period of time since it started when I feel Brittany looking at me again.

"You're doing it again." I say quietly. This time I turn to look at her. I thought Brittany would duck away again but she doesn't. Instead, our faces end up only a few inches away from one another.

In the dim light of the room, I see Brittany's eyes shift from my eyes to my lips before return to my eyes. With our eyes locked Brittany closes the distance between our faces, between our lips.

When Brittany's lips press to mine I don't respond at first. Brittany kisses my top lip before switching to press her lips around my bottom one. She pulls away and I can see the unsure look on her face.

"I'm s-"

I put my hand on her cheek and pull her to me before she can say anymore. I don't want her to say anything. I don't want her to be sorry. I don't want to hear it. I pull Brittany's face back to mine and I am the one to initiate the kiss this time. Her lips are soft and sweet. Brittany kisses me back after a few seconds. We exchange kisses for what seems like minutes. My hand stays firmly planted on Brittany's cheek, the other one props me up so that I lean into her body.

Brittany sighs after a little bit and I disconnect from her to make sure she's okay.

"Everything alright?" I ask, my voice a little deeper than it usually is.

Brittany shakes her head and worry grows inside me. "I should be asking you that." She replies.

"Well,-" I think for a few seconds. "-I'm okay, if you're okay." I tell her.

Brittany smiles lightly. "I think I'm more than okay."

"Me too." I bite my bottom lip and glance around the room anxiously.

Brittany leans forward again. This time her hand comes up and wrap around the back of my neck. She pulls our faces together and connects our lips again.

The movie that plays on Brittany's tv is completely forgotten. The kissing continues and I find myself perfectly okay with it. Kissing Brittany is like nothing I've ever experienced. As we continue to kiss alternating who's in control and the style and speed of our kissing, I feel light and carefree. I haven't felt this way in a long time or maybe ever.

Eventually, we end up laying on our sides, on the mattress, facing each other. Our make out session has slowed considerably. Brittany will kiss me lightly every few minutes. A little peck here and there, but in between, she's just looking at me. Her eyes scan my face, lock with my eyes, roam everywhere she can see. To my surprise I let her.

I don't know what shocks me more, that I let Brittany stare at me or that I can't take my eyes off of her either. The movie finished playing at some point and the menu screen lights the room dimly. It's just enough that I can see the little freckles on Brittany cheeks. I can see the little wrinkles in her forehead when she scrunches her face up for some reason or another. I can't take my eyes away from Brittany's. I just want to lay here and watch her. It seems like she does too. We don't talk.

There's this feeling in my chest that I've never felt before. Part of me thinks that feeling should scare me, but it doesn't. I just want to explore it and feel it more. I'm happy laying here with Brittany, just laying. Sure, the kissing was great, but this is great too.

A loud noise disturbs our little bubble and my eyes widen. Brittany smiles. She reaches up with her right hand that was previously resting comfortably on my waist and pokes my nose. "My parents are home." She whispers so quietly that I almost don't hear it. My heart rate increases and I try to sit up. Everything just got real. "Shh. It's alright." Brittany puts her hand on my arm and starts rubbing up and down. "Just don't be all over me when my mom knocks on the door." Brittany smirks devilishly.

"Oh, god." I mumble and shut my eyes.

"No, I'm Brittany." She giggles. When I hear her joke I calm down a little. Brittany smiles shyly at me. "It's fine." She tells me softly. I nod and she continues smiling at me which forces a smile from me. It seems so easy for her to get me to smile. I'm not a smiley person by nature, but whenever Brittany smiles at me, I can't resist.

I hear some rummaging around downstairs for a few minutes. Brittany calms me down by rubbing my arm lightly and looking into my eyes. We've probably had a dozen conversations with just our eyes tonight. I can't really wrap my head around everything that's happened, but I feel calm and happy. Which are both good things.

I few minutes pass and there's a knock on the bedroom door. I try not to move too much, but I do turn my head towards the door.

"Come in." Brittany says and a panic starts to rise in me. Brittany sits up on her elbow as the door opens and her mom sticks her head inside the room.

"I just wanted to let you know we were home and say goodnight." The older Pierce woman explains.

"Okay, mom. Thanks. Goodnight." Brittany replies.

I don't know how well Mrs. Pierce can see us in the dimmed room but she is backlit by the light in the hall and I can see her silhouette. I see her smile even though I can't see the details. "Goodnight girls." And that's how I know she knows that I'm here. She shuts the door and encloses Brittany and I into our quiet bubble again.

Brittany lays down next to me again, this time on her back. I glance over her body and when I reach her eyes with mine, I smile. She looks so content. Her hands folded together on her flat stomach, her eyes closed, her posture relaxed.

"I can feel _you _looking at me _now_." Brittany mumbles and smiles. She turns her head to me and opens her eyes. "Should we sleep?"

"Uh-" What am I suppose to say? My heart beats a little faster. I don't know when Brittany usually goes to bed. Or is she asking me if I want to go to sleep? Or if I want to stay up? It is a sleepover. Don't people usually stay up late at these things? The more I think, I realize that this isn't your typically sleepover. No, it's far from it.

"Yeah." I tell her. I don't really wanna stay up late. We have a project to finish tomorrow. I love my sleep actually and am crabby when I don't get enough. I don't want to be crabby in front of Brittany. Plus, I don't know what would happened if we stayed up later.

"Okay." Brittany reaches for the remote on the side table and shuts off the tv. The room goes dark and I flop onto my back and stare up at the ceiling and wait for my eyes to adjust to the dark. It takes about a minute, but I can see in the dark bedroom again.

Brittany moves around next to me and I realize that we are still on top of the covers. I get up and pull the blankets out from underneath me and climb under them. There's space between myself and Brittany once we've both settled into bed. I don't know what the protocol is here. Are we suppose to keep to ourselves? Are we suppose to face each other? Or face away from each other? Everything is so up in the air after our kissing session.

There's so much to think about,, but I don't want to think yet. I turn onto my side facing away from Brittany. I stare at the wall that's few feet away, trying to just feel and not think. Tomorrow I can think.

I hear and feel Brittany shuffle behind me. I take in a deep breath when I feel her behind me. Her body pressing into my back and I tense. As she gets comfortable, I relax, and Brittany curls into me from behind.

"Is this okay?" She whispers into my ear. I nod. "Good." She mumbles and presses a kiss to my neck, right behind my ear.

Brittany's hand worms between my elbow and ribs and she rests it on my stomach. This is completely foreign to me. I've never done something like this before. I like the feeling of being held and feeling safe. I relax and fall backwards into Brittany's warm embrace.

* * *

Waking up and not knowing where you are is never fun or cool. It's only happened to me a couple of times in my life and today is one of them. The bed feels bigger. The room smells different. I know it's not my room. I peek an eye open and reveal where I am. Brittany's room, now I remember.

Everything comes rushing back to me. The Chemistry project, the movie, all the kissing. But mostly, I remember Brittany. The fact that she isn't in the bed with me right now is alarming. She couldn't have gone far away, but where did she go. The sunlight streams in through the window and I look to my wristwatch to check the time. Nearly half past eight.

Holy crap. I slept really well. I don't know the last time that I had that good of a nights sleep. There were no interruptions. Once I was asleep I was asleep the whole night. I sit up and lift my arms over my head. My back cracks and my muscles stretch.

I look around the room for clues as to where Brittany might be, but don't find anything. Getting out of bed, I go across the hall and use the bathroom. When I come out, I listen for any signs of activity. I hear soft voices downstairs and the sound of dishes clanking against each other.

I slowly descend the stairs and peek around the corner at the bottom of the stairs. In the kitchen, at the table, is Brittany and a middle aged man with brown hair and glasses reading the paper. Brittany's mother stands at the stove with a spatula in her right hand.

I step off the last step and into the kitchen. Everyone turns to look at me and I duck my head not liking the attention.

"Good morning, dear." Brittany's mom says quietly.

"Morning." I look up and mumble to her. I don't want to seem impolite.

Brittany gets up from her chair and walks over to me. "Hey, sleepyhead." She smiles.

"I didn't know where you went." I mumble sleepily, suddenly feeling like a small child.

"Oh." Realization passes across Brittany's face. "Well, would you like some breakfast. Mom is making pancakes."

"Sure."

Brittany leads me to the table and I take the seat next to her, across from Mr. Pierce. The pancakes are served up quickly and I eat quietly. The whole kitchen is quiet except for the sounds of cutlery on plates and everyone eating. Brittany is quiet next to me. Her parents each have a section of the paper and read while they eat, almost completely ignoring me and Brittany.

When Brittany finishes, her hand falls to my thigh under the table. My whole body jolts from surprise and I look to Brittany. She smiles lightly and nods her head behind us. I nod my head at her. I take a few more bites before pushing away from the table and taking my plate over to the sink. Brittany follows. She takes my plate from me and cleans off the rest of the little pieces of pancakes that I didn't eat. She puts her plate and my plate in the sink, then holds her hand out for me. She closes all of her fingers into a fist except for her pinky. I take her pinky and we go back up to Brittany's room.

I change out of my pajamas in the bathroom. I wash my face and brush my teeth. I can wait to shower until I get home. With a few minutes alone my mind starts to wander. I think about what happened last night. Like really think about it, not just reminisce. What does it all mean? And where do Brittany and I stand after last night? Will it happen again? Do I want it to happen again? What do I want to happen?

There's a small knock on the bathroom door. I gather up my stuff and pull the door open. "Oh." I say as Brittany stands there leaning against the doorframe, one arm over her head, her elbow pressing into the wood.

"Gotta brush my teeths." Brittany wiggles her eyebrows.

"Right." I take a step forward to exit so she can use the bathroom but Brittany doesn't make a move to enter. I frown and look up to Brittany. "I thought-" I try taking a step to my left so Brittany can enter on my right but she doesn't budge. "Um?"

Brittany breaks into a fit of laughter and drops her arm from against the doorframe. "What?" I ask. I can't imagine what's so funny. Brittany's really laughing hard. She shakes her head.

Her hands lift from her sides and her palms rest on either side of my waist. She squeezes and that butterfly feeling starts up in my stomach. We stand there like that for a few moments with Brittany looking at me intensely. I watch her, trying to figure her out.

"You're cute." She whisper and leans closer. Brittany presses a kiss to my right cheek and slips passed me into the bathroom. I take a step out of the room and turn to look back at her. "Now, go away." Brittany shoos me with her hand. She shuts the bathroom door and I stand there staring at it for a minute before I go back to the bedroom.

Brittany's still a strange girl sometime. Like just now. What was that all about? But for the most part I like her strangeness. Maybe I shouldn't use the word strange cuz she's not strange in a bad way. She's unique. She says the weirdest, funniest things sometimes. I can't imagine anyone else ever saying them, they are so unique to Brittany. Little Brittany-ism, I guess. She's a special girl and I can feel myself liking her more and more everyday. She's slowly pulling me in and I don't know what's gonna happen, but at this point I've all but stopped resisting her.

Brittany returns a few minutes later and we start on our Chemistry project again. I'm starting to get sick of the damn thing. It's due tomorrow at school so thankfully we will be done with it soon. Brittany was right in quitting last night. I don't think I could have worked any longer yesterday and then worked again on it this morning.

There's not too much left to get done but I've developed a headache. I rub at my eyes with the heals of my hands.

"You okay?" Brittany asks.

"Yeah, I've just got a headache."

"Well-" Brittany puts down a pair of scissors and looks over the project as a whole. "We are nearly done here. Why don't I finish up and you can take a nap or something?" Brittany suggests innocently.

"Are you trying to get me in your bed again?" I tease.

Brittany looks down at the floor. "No." She shakes her head. "You could go home and nap." She offers.

"Are you sure, Brittany. I wouldn't want to burden you with doing the rest of the project by yourself."

"I can handle it. It's just writing out a few things, doing some equations, and gathering all the pieces together." She shrugs and locks eyes with me. "I got this."

"Thank you."

"Sure. I'll walk you down." Brittany stands and holds out her hand for me. I take her hand and she pulls me to my feet. I get my overnight bag and follow Brittany down the stairs. Brittany's parents are sitting on the couch in the living room. Her dad is watching tv and her mom is reading a book next to him.

We get to the door and Brittany pulls it open for me. I'm glad she is willing to finish the project cuz when I get a headache I'm pretty much useless.

"Guess I used my brain too hard this morning." I tell Brittany jokingly.

She smiles. "I guess." She reaches for my hand and I let her take it. Brittany rubs her thumb over the back of my hand and stares at me. I can tell she's thinking. About what, I don't know. "I'll see you at school tomorrow. I'll finish the project, I promise." She squeezes my hand. "I hope you feel better, Santana."

"Thanks, Brittany." I smile at her gratefully. I'm glad she doesn't question me otherwise. I'm glad she's letting me go home to nap. I'm glad she doesn't ask about how I'm gonna get home. I'm grateful for her.

"No problem." Brittany lifts my hand to her lips and presses a kiss to the back of it. She drops my hand and bites her bottom lip. She holds onto the door and I step outside. It's warmer and less windy than yesterday. That's good for my walk home.

"Bye." I smile to Brittany one final time.

She doesn't verbalize it, but she says goodbye with her eyes and a nod of her head. I turn and walk down the front steps. By the time I turn around at the sidewalk, at the street, Brittany has closed the front door to her house.

I sigh and start walking. The crisp, clean air actually helps my headache a little. When I get home I plan on taking two ibuprofen and a nap.

* * *

When I walk in my dad is in his chair. Nancy is sitting next him on the small couch.

"How'd it go?" Nancy asks before I can even shut the door.

"Good. We worked on our Chemistry project and watched a movie. I had a good time" I don't want to give them too much information. Just the basics. I really don't want to lie to my dad or Nancy or anyone really. I try to avoid it as much as I can, but sometimes it's unavoidable. If they don't ask to many questions, then I won't need to lie to them.

"That's good. I'm glad that you have friends." Nancy comments with a smile. She's really not a bad person. When she started living with us I avoided her most of the time, just because. But, I've learned to accept the fact that she's around and is dating my dad and is a part of our lives. She doesn't have the greatest personality but she's alright. Nancy's nice but she's boring.

I want to roll my eyes and tell them that I really only have one friend, but what's the point. That will only lead to more discussion and more questions and possibly lies. No one needs that.

"I have a headache." I huff. "I'm going to sleep it off." I proceed passed them, down the hallway, and into my room.

I throw my bag on the floor and flop down on the bed and close my eyes. There are things I should be doing today. One, I need to pick a song to audition to Glee for. Two, I need to catch up and finish any homework I have left before tomorrow. I don't want to fall behind. I worked some on homework on Friday night after school, but didn't get as far as in wanted to. I wanted to read ahead a chapter in just about every class that I have, but I only got through three subjects.

But, I can't do any of that. I need to get rid of this headache before I'm able to do anything else. I reach into my nightstand and get the small bottle of ibuprofen and pop two in my mouth. I swallow them without water and lays back against my pillow. Thoughts of Brittany drift into my head as I fall to sleep.

* * *

I leave my room for dinner. I had a good nap and my headache went away for the most part. Nancy has gone to work for the evening and I find my dad in the kitchen. He's been drinking and watching football all afternoon. It's his Sunday ritual. And Saturday.

I doesn't surprise me to find him in the kitchen. Once and a while he will find some motivation in his body to actually make dinner. But, at my home, I don't know if you can call it dinner. I usually use the word supper instead of dinner. To me, dinner is a full meal with more than just one thing to eat. To me, dinner is nice, dinner is fancy, dinner is a whole meal. But here, we mostly eat supper. Supper is one single food item. No sides or appetizers. No salad. Supper is one food item and it's usually something that is cheap and takes little effort.

My dad is standing at the stove. A beer sits on the counter next to the stove. On the stovetop is a pot of boiling water. I look over his shoulder and see spaghetti noodles in the water. The noodles have already softened, are cooked, and appear to be done.

"Those look like they are done. Here. Let me drain them for you." I go to reach for the handles of the pot, but he reaches for them too. We grab for the pot at the same time, but because he is standing directly in front of it he has a better position. I get one hand on top of his shaky right hand. He starts moving to the sink with the pot. I move with him as best as I can.

On the few feet to the sink my hand slips or my dad slips or trips. I'm not sure, but all of a sudden the pot is tipping and spilling. I can't get my arm out of the way fast enough. The burning water soaks my thin shirt and scalds my arm.

"Fuck." I scream.

The pot crashes into the sink, it's content sloshing about. My dad takes a step away from me and I shake my arm. Like that's gonna help. I think quick and reach for the sink faucet. I turn on the cold water and stick my arm underneath, shirt and all. The cold water soothes the burning sensation. I bend over the sink and let the water fall on my arm and on the pot of spaghetti below.

After a minute or two I shut off the water and look to my dad. He won't or can't look at me. "I'm going to change my shirt and take care of this." I tell him. "I hope you like cold spaghetti." I growl.

"It was an accident." He tries to defend.

"It never would have happened if you would have just let me help you." I yell at him. I'm so frustrated and angry right now.

"I-"

"No, I don't want to hear it. I know your sorry or whatever crap was gonna come out of your mouth. I don't want to hear it. Okay." I yell some more.

"Okay." He mumbles.

I turn on my heels and hurry into the bathroom down the hall. When I remove my shirt I see that the burn isn't that big. A few inches on my forearm. I get some burn ointment and gauze out. Good thing we have some.

I swear sometimes it's like living with a child. Like, I have to baby-sit my dad and watch everything he does so he doesn't hurt himself. Somehow, I'm always the one who ends up hurt.

I wrap my arm and put a clean shirt on. Looks like I'll have to hid this new injury at school this week.

I return to the kitchen. My dad is sitting at the table eating his spaghetti. There's a plate across from him for me. I sit down and he apologizes right away. He asks about my arm and I roll up my shirtsleeve to show him the three inch wide bandage. I tell him it's not bad and that I'll be fine. I eat my cold spaghetti in silence. I can tell that through that drunken haze my dad feels bad for what happened and is sorry. I just wish it never happened to begin with.

When I finish, I tell my dad goodnight and go back to my room. I hope tomorrow is a better day. It has to be. Today didn't start out too bad. I woke up at Brittany's and had breakfast with her parents even though it was a little awkward, I liked it. Then we worked on the project and spent the whole morning together. None of that was bad. My headache was bad and the spaghetti incident were bad though.

Tomorrow's a new day. A fresh start.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Monday goes fine until Glee comes around, late in the school day.

I didn't know if I should mention the weekend's events to Brittany when I saw her. I don't know if I should ask about us kissing or if it's an unspoken thing. I don't know how Brittany feels about it or if she would even bring it up herself.

She doesn't. I see her first in Chemistry and we hand in our project. Brittany came through, not that I doubted her, and finished the rest of the project. It actually looked great and I hope we get a good grade on it.

Other than our friendly greeting, Brittany is mostly reserved and all business during class. It's doesn't feel like she is avoiding me but she isn't paying a ton of attention to me either. Maybe she has something else on her mind.

I don't see Brittany again until Glee. She meets me halfway across the room when I enter. Brittany pulls me by the hand to sit next to her, which I do happily.

And when Brittany gets excited about this weeks Glee assignment and grabs onto my arm I know my act is up. I can't prevent the wince that overtakes me as Brittany grips, inadvertently, onto the burn on my arm. She drops her hand immediately.

Brittany forgets the assignment and her eyes train on me. I want to look away from her, but I can't.

"What's wrong?" I can hear the worry in her voice even though it's just a whisper. I don't want anyone else in the room to know and I know that's a concern of Brittany's also, even though she doesn't know what's wrong yet.

"Oh, I'm clumsy and I dropped the curling iron on my arm when I was curling my hair." It's a terrible lie, but I hope that Brittany believes it. She squints her eyes at me and then looks at my hair.

I duck my head to avoid Brittany's gaze. Mr. Schuester talks on and on about the assignment and as long as he talks Brittany can't really do anything more. I avoid looking at Brittany even though I know her eyes are on me throughout the whole class. Rachel even says something to Brittany about not paying attention, but Brittany either ignores her or doesn't care.

* * *

The bell rings to end Glee and the room booms into commotion. I grab the strap of my backpack and start for the exit. I know Brittany is going say something or do something. She's too nice of a person not to. She cares too much.

Brittany walks a half-step behind me. I can almost hear the gears turning in her head as she thinks.

"Santana?" She asks, her voice small.

"Yeah?" Here we go.

Brittany steps closer to me, so she's nearly pressed up against my side. "I've heard about your dad, but who else do you live with?" She whispers.

I stop moving forward and pull Brittany with me. I walk us over to the side of the hallway where we are out of the way from the traffic of the students going to and from their classes. For some reason, I know I can't lie to Brittany right now.

I look into Brittany's eyes. I need to see her when I tell her this. More so, I need her to see me. "It's me, my dad, and my step-mom." I whisper to her.

"I didn't know you had a step-mom. You never told me." She says back right away.

"It never came up. I don't- I don't know." I mumble and look down at my toes. It's not that I'm ashamed to tell her, but it's not something that I talk about. Nancy's not really even my step-mom. She isn't married to my dad. They just live together.

"Where's your mom?" Brittany asks. I hear the curiosity in her question.

I wince and take a step away from Brittany. I knew that would be one of her questions. I knew that at some point if we continued to be friends that I would have to tell her, but I didn't want it to be today.

I lift my eyes from my shoes. With my bottom lip between my teeth I try to gauge Brittany's face. What's she thinking? I swallow the lump in my throat and release my lip. I run my tongue across the soft skin and prepare myself for what I'm about to say. This could change things.

"She left when I was little." I watch as Brittany's face changes. She goes from curious and wanting to know, to frowning and looking sad. It's the reaction that I expected from her.

Brittany brings her hand up to her face, her fingers fumble around with her bottom lip, she tugs and twists. We stand there, silent, for a few seconds. I want Brittany to say something. I don't know what, but anything would be better than this silence. I shake my head and give up. I step to my left to walk away from Brittany. I, at least, gotta get to class. No matter what happens, that's the most important thing. I step passed Brittany and that's when she finally moves too.

Brittany's hand wraps around my wrist and she pulls me to her. She wraps her arms around me and hugs me to her chest. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and relax into Brittany's embrace. I let it wash over me for a few seconds before I pull back.

Brittany releases me and looks around the hallway. I do too. It's nearly empty. My shocked eyes connect with Brittany's and she nods. We both know what needs to happen now. Brittany starts first and I follow closely behind. We sprint down the hallway and around a corner. Down the second hallway and slide into our American Lit class. I step over the threshold the same time that the bell rings.

"Take your seats, ladies." Mrs. Turner tells us. She's clearly annoyed with our antics.

I look around the room and there aren't two desks next to each other. Brittany takes an empty desk near the back of the room and I'm left with a desk in the second row from the front.

* * *

"Are you sure you're gonna be alright?" Brittany asks after class.

"Yeah. I'm fine, Brittany. I'm sure. It will be alright. Okay?" I try to reassure her.

Brittany keeps looking around as we walk to my locker. She seems anxious about something. She keeps looking over her shoulder and then around her before she looks at me and then repeats her actions. It makes me nervous.

"Are you okay?" I ask when we get to my locker.

"What?" Brittany looks confused. "Yeah. Why?"

"Look, Brittany, I'm fine." I avoid her question and slightly suspicious behavior. "I'm good. You should get to practice." We have developed a routine. After school, Brittany walks with me to my locker and then she goes to Cheerios practice, or waits for me to leave first before going to practice. I just hope that she isn't jeopardizing herself and her spot on the Cheerios by being late to practice. Then again, I don't know anything about it. Maybe she has time and she's not actually late for practice.

"Yeah." She nods absentmindedly. "I'll see you tomorrow." Her fingers trace over the spot on my arm that is injured without actually touching it.

"Okay." I nod to her, but Brittany doesn't see it. Her eyes are locked on my shirtsleeve. I don't know what's going through her head, but I'm sure it's a lot. Today I've dropped a couple of bombs on her. Lucky for me Brittany didn't reject me or shun me for what I told her about me mom.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like other teenagers don't want to be around someone like me. Someone with a parent that ran out on them. It's a difficult thing for me. When I was little I didn't understand it, but as the years passed I learned to accept the fact that my mother didn't stick around. It's not something that I tell people. If it were up to me, I wouldn't tell anyone and no one would ever know that my mom left when I was little. But, I had to tell Brittany. I know she wouldn't do what my mom did and run away from the harsh reality.

"Brittany." She looks up. "Go." I tell her cuz I know she won't go to practice if I don't flat out tell her to. She might be more stubborn than I thought.

"Okay." Brittany pouts.

I shake my head. I would laugh at her if the situation were different. But, it's not and that would be inappropriate. I dig through my books in my locker hoping that Brittany will go. I hear a shuffle next to me and know without looking that Brittany left. I lean my forehead again the edge of my locker door. It's been a long, tiring day.

* * *

"How's your arm?" Brittany's eyes are on my arm before she even sits down next to me.

I laugh. "It's fine. Like I told you yesterday, it's just a little burn."

Brittany blushes. "Okay." She mumbles down at the table.

It's sweet how much she cares. Her concern for my little mishaps is more than I've ever received from anyone else.

When Chemistry starts Brittany wraps my pinky in hers and holds onto it all through class. When class is over Brittany insists on walking me to lunch before going to her class. I let her.

"You now you didn't have to do this." I tell Brittany when we approach the cafeteria. "You're gonna be late for class and get in trouble."

"I never get it trouble." She smirks, confidently. "Plus, I wanted to."

"Okay, I'll see you in Glee."

"Yep." Brittany bounces happily on her toes.

Brittany comes with me to my locker after school and her behavior is stranger than it was earlier in the day. She's holding onto my pinky with a death grip. It actually kind of hurts but I won't tell her that. She walks in front of me and makes sure nobody bumps into me. I don't know why she's doing this or what happened, but what I said to her yesterday must have set this weird behavior into motion. It either has to do with my burn on my arm or what I told her about my mom. But, why?

"We should hang out again." Brittany tells me. "Soon." She adds.

"Okay." I agree. That's fine. We can hang out all she wants. That's not hurting anything or anyone.

"At your house." Brittany suggests and the panic rises in my chest immediately. "On the weekend or after Cheerios practice one day. Doesn't matter to me when?" She goes on and my thoughts spin.

"No. I can't. We can't. I mean, we can't hang out at my house. We can do it at your house or something. My dad doesn't like a lot of noise. We can't."

"I won't make noise. I can be quiet. That's not a problem." Brittany licks her lips and I find myself blinking at her. "You saw my house, now I want to see your house. It's only fair. Please?" She asks with that pout of hers. Big blue eyes beg and plead with me.

"We can't." It's the only thing I can think of. I can't let Brittany see my house. If you can call it a house. I can't let her see that. I don't want her to. I don't want her to see my dad either. I know he will be there whenever it would be that she would want to come over. He rarely leaves the house and when he does he's not gone long, except for when he goes to work.

"Fine." Brittany grumbles, dejectedly. "We can hang out at my house. My parents won't be home anyway."

* * *

Friday night is another home football game and Brittany has to be there. She practically begged me to go. This time I'm going early so that I can get a good seat and see everything. I put on extra layers and my winter coat and head out the door.

Nancy has a rare Friday night off so she and my dad went on a 'date'. Which really means that they went to eat dinner somewhere and will probably end up hanging out at a bar after that. They took Nancy's car so I get to use the truck to go to the football game.

I pick a seat on the bleachers that's dead center. I want to be able to see the football field, mostly for the halftime show and not the actual football, but that doesn't really matter. I saw where the cheerleaders were at the last game I was at and am satisfied that I will have a perfect view of everything that they do tonight.

Mostly, I'm just here for Brittany. And that seems weird and creepy, but I promised her I'd come.

Brittany does a great job. She cheers the loudest and most enthusiastically of all the cheerleaders. The halftime show the cheerleaders do is similar to the last one that I saw but I do catch some differences. For all the practicing the Cheerios have it has paid off. They are great. I and the rest of the crowd loved them. But, mostly I found myself smiling at Brittany as she did her thing. It's seems so natural for her.

* * *

"But, I don't know anyone." I groan.

"Please?" Brittany begs. "You know the kids from Glee."

"Not really." I argue. I know who they are now, but I don't really know them. I can put a name to a face, but that's about it.

"Quinn will be there. And Finn and Rachel. Mike and Tina. Puck. You know them."

"Brittany." I sigh. I really don't want to do this.

"Please? You can sit next to me the whole time. I won't let anything bad happen to you." Brittany promises. She smiles delicately and I know she and I are both thinking about the same thing. My recent injuries. Whether her words slipped out accidentally or not is unknown.

"Fine." I roll my eyes. This girl will always have me agreeing to things I don't want to do. I know that for sure. Brittany has this hold over me that I can't seem to shake. If she tries hard enough she has me agreeing to just about anything. The only thing that I haven't agreed on was her plan to come to my house to hang out.

I trust Brittany. And when she says nothing will happen I believe her.

Brittany wants to drive to the pizza place together. I tell her it's better we go separately and that way we can just go straight home afterwards. I'm nervous as I follow Brittany's car with my dad's truck. It's a short drive to the pizza place. It's only a few blocks from the football stadium.

As promised, I see all the people that Brittany said would be here and then some. The place is nearly packed. All the booths are occupied with students in cheerleading uniforms or letterman jackets. The mood in the room is joyous. I suppose a win will do that.

Brittany gets us a booth in the corner and she lets me slide in first so I'm up against the wall. She slides in and opens the menu and sets it on the table between the two of us so that we can both look over it.

Quinn slides into the booth across from Brittany and starts talking right away. "Brittany, we are planning a party after this. It's at Puck's house. You in?"

Brittany's eyes shift to me. "Do whatever you want." I tell her with a shrug. I won't stop her if she wants to go to a party. It's pretty clear that Quinn isn't inviting me, only Brittany.

Brittany looks to Quinn. "I think I'll pass. Maybe next time."

Quinn frowns and glances at me. I duck chin to my chest. "You've been no fun recently, Brittany." Quinn grunts and slumps back in her seat.

"Hey, ladies. How's it going?" Puck slides into the booth, pushing Quinn over as he goes. "Hear about the party?"

"Hey, that's what Quinn was just telling us." Brittany informs him.

He grins devilishly. "Right. Puckasaurus can't wait to get his party on." He says then flexes his arm muscles. "Any of you ladies itching to take a ride on the Puckasaurus tonight?"

Is this guy for real? He's gross and disgusting and makes me want to vomit.

"Get outta here, Puck." Quinn waves him off.

"Oh, come on. You ladies love me." He gestures to me and I try to look away before he catches my eyes, but it's too late. He smirks dangerously. "How 'bout you, New Girl?"

"No thank you." I tell him in monotone.

Quinn snorts and laughs. Brittany elbows me in the side. "What?" I ask her. Brittany just shakes her head with an amused smile.

"Go hit on someone else, Puck." Brittany tells him bluntly. "Although you've got that whole badass thing going on, I don't think anyone at this table is interested."

"Fine." He huffs and gets up.

Brittany and Quinn burst into laughter once Puck is gone. I don't see what's so funny. Brittany slaps the bench in between us as her laughter takes over. "You." She says in between laughs. I'm not sure if she's referring to me or Quinn until her hand moves from the bench to my leg. Her fingers press into my thigh as she laughs and says 'you' over and over.

Quinn quits laughing before Brittany and flags down a waiter. "I'll have my usual." She tells the man. He rolls his eyes. "And what do you want today Brittany?" She demands. I don't know how Quinn can go from laughing, easy and laidbackb to demanding and bitchy in a second. "Sausage and pepperoni?" She turns to me. "Is that alright?"

"Sure." I shrug. It doesn't matter to me. I ate before the game so I'm good for the rest of the day really.

Brittany turns back to the waiter and nods. He takes down the order and goes to the next table.

"I have to use the bathroom." Quinn looks between Brittany and I before she leaves.

"You're so funny." Brittany turns her hips in the bench so she's facing me, her hand never leaving my leg. Her right knee bumps into the side of my leg and she apologizes softly. "With Puck. That was great. You turned him down. 'No thank you.' So deadpan. It was great." Brittany chuckles a little.

"I'm glad you thought so. I just didn't want to have anything to do with him. He's disgusting. How can you stand him?"

"Puck's mostly harmless. He tries to get into everyone's pants. He's only succeeded with a few. He tried to get into my pants one time at a party, but I stopped him after a little make out sesh."

"Oh." I nod, taking in the new information. Something crawls inside me with the thought that Brittany has kissed Puck.

Quinn slips into the booth as I'm stuck in my thoughts. When I look up it's not Quinn sitting there though. Rachel Berry is across from me.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Santana." Rachel says, first thing.

"Why?" Brittany asks. She turns to face Rachel. Her fingers grip at my leg a little harder.

"Because I've never seen you at a school function before."

"This isn't a school function." Brittany points out.

"No, Brittany. But the football game was." She says and gives Brittany a pointed look. "Anyway, as I was saying, I'm surprised to see you here Santana. I'm glad that you are though. I would like to discuss something with you, if you have a minute or two."

"Uh-"

Rachel plows on before I can respond. "You've been with the Glee Club for little over a week now and I think it's time for you to become more incorporated with the group. I was thinking about options and I was thinking that you could do a duet with-"

"You're in my spot, Rachel." Quinn's standing at the end of the booth with her arms folded over her chest. "Either get out or move in all the way." She bosses.

"Okay, Quinn." Rachel scoots in and Quinn sits next to her.

"What kind of crap are you trying to badger Santana into?" Quinn questions Rachel's motives as soon as she's settled. "Cuz I heard the end of what you were saying and I'm sure Mr. Shue is either, not on board with whatever it is, or he doesn't have a clue about it."

"I just-" Rachel tries.

"Can we just celebrate the football teams win tonight?" Quinn glares at Rachel. The tiny brunette shrinks in her seat. "You and Finn going to Puck party?" Quinn changes the conversation.

"Yes, we will be making an appearance." Rachel tells Quinn with her chest puffed out. It's like she's proud of herself. For what, I don't know. There's so much I don't know or understand about these people. That's why I hate being the new kid and why I wanted to keep my head down and out of everybody's business.

After a few more minutes the pizzas start to come out. Our table's pizzas come first. Rachel excuses herself to let us eat. Brittany serves me up a slice of pizza before getting one for herself. Across from us, Quinn digs into her bacon and three meat pizza.

Brittany stays true to her word and sits with me the whole night. I ended up having two slices of pizza and Brittany had three. She got the rest wrapped up to take home with her. I, surprisingly, had a good time. It was interesting to see how all of these people interact, especially outside of a school setting. I never could have imagined that the Glee kids could be the cheerleaders or football players, but in this weird little town it seems to work somehow.

Brittany's friends come and go from our booth and Brittany never wavers. Or her hand never wavers. Except when she was eating, Brittany's right hand rested on my left thigh as we sat in the booth. I'll admit that it was comforting and helped keep me calm and settled. Some of the time Brittany would rub her thumb back and forth over the material of my jeans. It was a nice evening, even if I just mostly sat there and listened to other's stories and didn't contribute to the conversation.

"You're still coming over tomorrow right?" Brittany asks when we step out of the pizza place.

"Yeah. At two, right?" I ask.

"Yep. Can't wait." Brittany grins goofily. "Have a good night, Santana." She leans close to me and gently presses a kiss to my cheek. She smiles as she backs away from me. Brittany rounds the front of her car and hops in. She backs out of the parking space and drives off before I can manage to get in the truck.

The little butterflies are alive in my stomach again. Brittany makes me feel two ways at once. I want to just be friends with her, but something inside of me flutters whenever she kisses me or does something for me. Even just her hand on my leg tonight was enough to make me feel that flutter. It's like my brain and heart are at war.

* * *

I open the door and it's completely dark in the house. There's no light anywhere. The tv's not even on. Could my dad and Nancy already be sleeping? Why didn't anyone leave a light on for me? I'm not afraid of the dark, but it would be nice to see where I'm going so I don't bump into anything.

There's a noise to my left, coming from the kitchen. It's not a loud noise. I barely hear it, actually. But it's so dark and my eyes haven't adjusted yet, so my other senses are heightened. I squint into the darkness. I can't see anything. There's another small noise. And then it hits me.

"Owww. What the fuck?" I reach up and protect my face with my hands. Something's hit me in the face. I bend at the waist in pain.

"Oh my god." The man's voice mumbles into the dark. There's more noise and then the light above the kitchen sink comes on.

Standing up straight, I see my dad standing at the sink, his right hand covering his mouth, his eyes wide.

"I thought you were an intruders or burglar or something." His voice wobbles a little but not too much. He still seems to have most of his wits about him. Most, but obviously not all.

"Why weren't there any lights on?" I ask, still holding my hand over my left eye and cheekbone.

"We just got home. We heard something outside and I told Nancy to go to the bedroom." My dad shrugs. That's gotta be the lamest thing I've ever heard. But I know what he's saying is the truth. "I guess it was just you."

"Yeah." I roll my eyes. This shit can't keep happening. I've had more injuries in recent weeks then I've had in the last two years. "Maybe you should just go to bed."

"What about you?" He asks and I hear the sympathy in his voice.

"I'm gonna get some frozen veggies to put on my face and then I'm going to bed too. I have plans with a friend tomorrow, but I'll see you in the morning." I step past my dad at the sink and pull the freezer open. "Goodnight, dad." I speak into the freezer.

"Goodnight, Santana. I love you." He sighs.

"I know. I love you too." I say halfheartedly. That's part of the problem. He's my dad and I love him. I do. But he's got his own problems and they are starting to affect my life. In a way, his problems have always affected me, but it seems like they are more apparent recently.

He walks away and I grab a bag of frozen peas and shut the freezer. I turn off the light over the sink and feel my way through the house to my bedroom. I don't bother with a light in there. I sit on the edge of the bed with a long sigh.

I wish the last few minutes didn't happen. I wish the day would have ended as good as the evening had. I wish I could smile happily like I did on my drive home from the pizza place. Instead, I'm worried about whether or not I'll have a black eye tomorrow. I wish I had something that must seem like the most simple thing in the world to most teenagers nowadays. A cell phone. I would use it to call one person just to hear their voice once more before I go to bed.

I put the peas on the bed for a second and strip out of my clothes and get into some pajamas before getting under the covers and laying on my back. That way I can rest the peas on my face without having to hold the bag.

The last few hours have been a whirlwind. Overwhelming in some ways. But overwhelming in a good sort of way. I feel the emotions build up and my eyes water. I remove the peas so they don't freeze to my skin as I let a few tears fall.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. Keeping up this double life is exhausting. Everyday I feel little cracks in the walls that keep my two worlds separate. If I'm not careful one day that wall is gonna come crashing down and my two worlds will collide in what I can only assume will be a terrible scenario.


	11. Chapter 11

**Bonus chapter today! It's on the shorter side though. I'll admit it's not the most exciting chapter but i think the content is necessary for the story. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

I wake up the next morning with a black eye. At first I don't realize. When I go to the bathroom to take a shower and look in the mirror I see the damage. The black and blue bruising around my left eye stands out clearly. I touch the puffy skin, it's not too swollen. If it was I probably would have noticed when I first woke up. The frozen peas did there job and there isn't really much swelling. That's a plus.

I sigh and strip my clothes off. The shower is hot by the time I step in. The water feels good pouring down over my body. I dread seeing my dad or Nancy today. They both know what happened last night. I'm sure my dad told Nancy about it. But to have to face them, and to have them see the discoloration on my face, feels like adding insult to injury.

Then I actually remember what day it is and the plans that I have the day.

That panicking feeling rises inside me. I'm suppose to go to Brittany's today. That can't happen now. She can't see me like this. She can't know. I know that she's worried, or at the very least, she's suspicious. Brittany has asked me a few questions about my home life and has made me realize that she has questions. Probably looks of them. I won't give her the answers though. It's a battle that I have to win. I have to keep all of this from her. If I want to keep Brittany as a friend, she can't know about where I live, how I live, and the things that happen here.

The towel feels rough and scratchy on my skin as I try to dry the water droplets from my body. The burn on my arm has nearly healed. For that I am thankful. It just seems that every time something heals a new something happens.

I can't wait to graduate from high school and go to college. Then there won't be anymore accidents or injuries. It'll be like being free and starting over.

The clothes I put on are boring and cheap. A plain grey t-shirt under a thrift store sweatshirt with the Ohio Buckeyes emblem on it and a pair of blue jeans also from the thrift store. I certainly don't dress to impress.

Usually, I apply just a light layer of make up to my face but today it's thicker. I try my best to cover up the black eye. It's difficult, but from far away a person wouldn't know I have a black eye. Up close, though, you can totally tell. I wonder if it's a futile endeavor.

The urge to just blow off Brittany is great. Almost greater than the urge to see her. The more I think, the more I know that I have to go to her house. If I don't show up she will freak out as to why I'm not there. She'll send out a search party or something. Even though I've done a good job to hide where I really live from her, I can't risk her finding out the truth. I have to go to her house. I have to think of an explanation for my black eye. I have to stand tall and be a big girl and face reality. I have to see her. That something that lives inside me has to go and see her. And that scares me. More than the black eye.

I grab my backpack from my room and rush through the house. "I'm leaving." I yell as I rush passed my dad and Nancy.

"Have a good day, Santana." Nancy says as I shut the door. She's trying to make up for something that she didn't do. I know that. She's trying to make it better between me and my dad. She's trying to apologize. She's trying. I don't even look their way or let them see my face in my rush.

I don't bother with taking the car or truck. That would require stopping and talking to Nancy and my dad and that would let them see my face. That's too much for one day.

I walk to Brittany's instead. It's nice to get out in the crisp fall air. It's a nice day. The sun is shining. It's cool but not cold. The walk takes about fifteen minutes. Before I know it I'm ringing the doorbell.

Brittany's face is surprised when she sees me. "Did you get dropped off?" She asks and peeks her head out the front door, looking left then right for any sign of a vehicle. "Cuz I didn't hear a car."

"Yeah. My dad dropped me off. He drove away as soon as I was out of the truck." I lie to her. I feel bad lying to Brittany. Each time I lie to her I feel a little worse. She's too nice of a girl to be deceived, but it's for her own good.

"Oh." Brittany looks at me. Her eyes scrunch together. She sees it. She knows something is off. I step forward and fall into her. Brittany catches me. I can't let her see my black eye, not yet. I snake my arms around her waist and hold myself against her body. Brittany doesn't ask any questions, which I'm thankful for. She just holds me tight with one arm and closes the front door with the other.

"Come on." She shuffles us backwards, further into the house. I hide my face against her shoulder. I know she wants me to look at her or she wants to see my face. Same thing either way, I guess.

We shuffle awkwardly into the kitchen and Brittany gets a glass out of the cupboard. She fills it with water from the tap. That's when the gig is up. Brittany puts her hands on my shoulders and gently pushes me away from herself. She ducks her head so that her eyes are level with mine. "Drink this and then we'll go upstairs." She tells me looking directly into my eyes. I glance away while Brittany reaches for the glass of water. She hands it to me and takes a step backwards. I drink I few gulps and hand the glass back to her. "Do you need anything else?" She asks, her voice soft and caring.

I shake my head. I can't speak. Brittany treats me too well. She sets the glass on the counter next to me, then reaches for my hand. We walk up the stairs hand in hand and into Brittany's bedroom. She pulls the blankets back and then pats the bed. I sit down and Brittany kneels on the floor in front of me. I want to ask what she's doing but my voice doesn't work. All I can do is watch. She bends over and unties my shoes and takes them off. Brittany takes my ankles and swings my legs up onto the bed and I lay down on my back. She then hurries around the bed and slide into the other side, pulling the blankets up over us.

I want to cry. I want to cry because Brittany is so sweet and caring. Because Brittany doesn't know what's going on but she knows that something has happened and something is wrong. I want to cry because she is the greatest thing that she ever happened to me. Because she seems to care for me more than anyone else in my life and I just met her recently. She makes me feel safe and protected and like nothing bad can happen to me. I want to cry but I can't. Not in front of Brittany.

Brittany turns onto her side to face me. I remain on my back staring up at the ceiling but Brittany grabs my right hand and wraps both of hers around it. She pets at the back of my hand with one of her thumbs but remains silent next to me. It remains like that for a long time. I don't know how long. It could be minutes, it could be an hour. I feel numb staring up at the ceiling and listening to the small noise that the room or Brittany make. It's mostly silent. Sometimes there's a creak from the house, or a shuffle against the bed sheets, but other than that it's quiet.

"Is something wrong?" Brittany's small voice asks. She's staring at the right side of my face. She has been for a while now. I can feel it.

I turn to her. I lay on my side, facing Brittany. I let her look. Like really look at me, at my face. Her eyes roam every each of skin before she focuses in on my left eye. I know she sees. Something changes in Brittany's eyes. Her face becomes tighter. Her jaw locked. I know she's putting the pieces together in her mind, even if they aren't the correct pieces.

"Who did this is to you?" Brittany asks through clenched teeth.

I don't want to tell her.

When I don't tell her she shifts towards me and wraps her arms around my body. Brittany holds me tight. I curl into her with my face pressed against Brittany's collarbone. She strokes up and down my back. "You're safe." She whispers in my ear. "You're safe with me." Brittany adds. She holds me stroking my back and my hair with soft, gentle hands.

"Was it your step-mom?" Brittany asks after a few quiet minutes. I shake my head against Brittany's chest. "Was it your- your dad?" I feel her swallow thickly after she asks. I nod my head up and down bumping into the underside of Brittany's jaw. Her grip around my body tightens. Brittany's lips press to the top of my head. She holds them there for a few seconds before pressing a second kiss to my hair.

* * *

We end up staying in Brittany's room most of the day. Even though there's no one else in the house. It's still seems more private then being anywhere else in the house. Brittany stays in constant contact with me. If she's not holding me, she's touching me somewhere. After I let Brittany know who gave me the black eye we didn't talk. She didn't ask anymore questions and I didn't reveal anything else.

At some point, I fell asleep because I woke up in a different position. I'm on my left side and Brittany's body is molded to mine from behind. Her arm rests over my hip casually. I look back to her once I open my eyes.

"You're awake." She smiles faintly.

"Yep." I yawn.

"Wanna get something to eat?" Brittany asks. "My stomach's been grumbling for the last hour."

"Why didn't you go get something to eat?" If she was hungry, why didn't she eat?

She looks away from me. "I didn't want to leave you." Brittany says shyly.

"Brittany." This is her house. She should be able to do what she wants, when she wants. I shouldn't get in the way of that. She shouldn't have to feel like I'm in the way of her doing things. Like I'm a burden.

Brittany shrugs. "I wanted to wait for you." She changes tactics. "It would be rude to eat without my house guest. Let's go." She hops out of bed with all the energy in the world. I, on the other hand, feel like I just woke up from a hibernation. I'm all groggy and sleepy still. Did Brittany even sleep? Or was she awake the whole time that I napped?

Brittany hurries out of the room and I hear her go down the stairs. "Hurry up, Santana. I'll eat all the food and there won't be any left for you." She yells from the stairs.

I chuckle and get out of Brittany's bed. I lift my arms above my head and stretch until my back cracks. I hear Brittany down in the kitchen when I finally exit her room.

"What are we having?" I ask and look around the kitchen.

"My special Mac and Cheese." She turns to me and wiggles her eyebrows. "You're gonna love it."

"Someone's confident." I tease her.

"Everyone that's ever had my special Mac and Cheese has loved it. And you will too." Brittany holds out a spoon towards me.

"What?" I ask in reference to the spoon. She shrugs and then a devilish smirk arises to her lips. She reaches out and pokes me in the side with the spoon. I furrow my eyes at her. She pokes me again. "Stop it." I whine. She pokes me a third time and I take a step backwards. Brittany takes a step towards me and threatens to poke me again. I turn around and run away from her. I circle the kitchen island and Brittany chases after me.

We run around the island a few times, Brittany right behind me. She never tries to poke me again with the spoon though. I'm laughing as we go around in circles. Brittany's hand grabs hold of mine after about the sixth time around the island counter. She pulls me to a halt and spins me around at the same time. Brittany looks down into my eyes. The smirk from before is gone from her face replaced by something else. My laughter dies out instantly.

Brittany pulls our body's snugly together and drops the spoon on the floor. Her hands come up and cradle either side of my face and she draws our faces closer together. When Brittany kisses me, I take in a surprised breath. This kiss is different. I can feel it. I know Brittany feels it too. Something's shifted. This feels more- just more.

I wrap my arms around Brittany's neck as our kiss continues. Brittany's a great kisser. Her tongue flicks across my lips and a small moan leaves me involuntarily. That must startle Brittany, because she pulls away from our kiss. I stare at her as she licks her lips and stares back at me. Something's different. Something's changed. Something has shifted between us.

"I'll f-finish dinner." Brittany stumbles over her words. All I can do is stare at her and nod. She bends over to pick up the spoon from the floor. She sets it on the counter next to the sink and gets a new one out of the drawer. "You sit down and I'll finish dinner." I don't know who she's telling. Me or herself?

"Okay." I mumble and sit in one of the chairs at the dining room table so I can watch Brittany cook.

* * *

Brittany was right. I loved her special Mac and Cheese. She wouldn't tell me what her secret was that made it so special though.

Brittany suggested that we 'digest' our food in the living room while watching tv. She's sitting to me right with her arm comfortable around my shoulder. I'm holding onto her fingers that dangle off of my shoulder. Playing with her digits mindlessly.

The day is coming to an end and I'll have to return home soon. I'm dreading it. "I wish I could stay with you." I sigh.

Brittany looks away from the tv. "You should." She says. I furrow my brows. What? "You should stay here tonight. We can have another sleepover. Or we can call it something else." Brittany wiggles her eyes at me. Was that suppose to be suggestive?

"I can't though." I tell her somberly.

"Are you scared of your dad?" Brittany asks and whole mood shifts. I had felt really good since waking up from my nap and Brittany just ruined it. I didn't really think about my black eye or how it happened. I had fun with Brittany and we had our most intense kiss yet. It's been great until now.

"No." I shift on the couch to be able to face Brittany better instead of just twisting my neck to see her. When I tell her what I'm about to tell her, I want to be able to see her properly. "My dad was just drunk and it was dark. I had just gotten home and he thought I was someone breaking into the house. He swung and got me in the eye. He could have easily missed or hit me somewhere else. He didn't mean to." I explain to Brittany.

Brittany nods and takes in the new information. That's probably one of the biggest things I've told her about my dad and myself. It's scary revealing things to her because I'm still afraid that she'll find out more and not want to be around me anymore. This revelation and when I told Brittany that my mom left are really big things and all I can do is hope that she still wants to hang out with me after revealing such ugly truths about myself.

"What about Nancy? Your step-mom?" Brittany asks after some serious thought.

"What about her?" I try to clarify her question.

"What role does she play in this? Was she there?"

I nod. "She was there but she was hiding in the bedroom. Like I said, they thought I was an intruder."

"Has Nancy ever done anything to-" Brittany's question fades away. I can see the discomfort in her eyes. I can hear it in her voice too. This isn't easy for her. These questions aren't easy or fun. But there's a quiet determination I see with Brittany. She wants to know. She needs to know.

"To hurt me?" I finish her question for her. Brittany nods sadly. "No. She's nice. She hardly ever raises her voice and hasn't ever done anything to harm me or put me in harm's way."

"Okay." Brittany bites on her bottom lip. She's still unsettled about all of this. That's pretty clear.

"Nancy works at a diner on the edge of town. She works odd shifts and isn't home most evenings." I go on further about Nancy in an attempt to ease Brittany's worries. But there isn't much to tell about Nancy. I take Brittany's arm from my shoulder and hold her hand. "It was an accident, Brittany."

"You seem to have lot of _accidents_." Her tone changes suddenly. Brittany sounds mean. That's not something I've heard from her before.

"I know. I guess I get in the way. There's not much I can do about it." I shrug.

Brittany huffs out a sigh. "Can I have your cell phone number?" She asks a little calmer and more collected a few seconds ago but still sounding mad and frustrated.

I never thought of it, but of course Brittany would ask for my phone number eventually. "I don't have one." I look around nervously. This is just another thing that I don't want people to know about me. That I don't have a cell phone. That I or my dad can't afford one.

"Really?" Brittany asks with wide eyes. "Everybody has a cell phone. Some people even have two or three." It's like she can't believe it.

"Really. I don't have a cell phone." It's just another sign of how 'poor' I am.

"Wow. Living in the nineties." Brittany chuckles. "What about your house phone number?" I frown and shake my head. "What?" Brittany nearly jumps from her seat. "You don't have a house phone either?"

"Nope." I say in shame. It's so embarrassing. This is why I never tell anyone about myself. For some reason, Brittany seems to bring it out of me. "My dad has a cell phone that's it. We don't have a house phone. He has the phone and that's it. Nancy doesn't have a phone either, so don't ask."

That makes Brittany laugh. She slaps at my thigh with her hand as she laughs. "Wow." She calms down and becomes serious again. "What am I gonna do now?"

"What do you mean?" It's hard to follow Brittany's thoughts some times.

"If anything happens you come find me." She looks straight into me. I understand now. Brittany wanted me to be able to call her if anything happens to me again. She wants to know that I am okay and connected to her with a phone. She wants to protect me and that was how she thought of doing it. But sadly, I don't have a phone and have no way of contacting her if anything happens in the future.

"I'll be more careful." I promise her. "I won't put myself in any situations that could cause an accident." It's the best I can do. I don't have anything else to offer to her.

"Promise." Brittany holds out her pinky for me.

I smile. "Promise." I lock my pinky around hers.

Sadly, I have to leave before it gets dark and my dad starts to wonder about me. That will only cause problems. If I'm gonna stay accident free, it's best that I get home before dark.

"I should get going." I stand up from the couch and Brittany follows. She doesn't say anything. She knows. We have an unspoken agreement now. She wants me to be careful and safe and she also knows that I don't want her to bring this up again, especially in public.

We walk to the door and I put my shoes on. Brittany waits awkwardly. She shifts from one foot to the other over and over. When I stand up and face Brittany she looks like she could puke.

"What's wrong?" I ask, not sure that I want to hear the answer.

"Can I bring you home?"

God, she's so sweet. I take a deep breath and prepare to deny Brittany. "I'd rather you wouldn't." Brittany nods sadly. She understands. "I'll be fine, Brittany. It's not far. It's how I got here."

"I knew it." Brittany smiles. "Come here." She reaches out and pulls me to her in a bear hug. I wrap my arms around Brittany and hug her just as tight. We hold onto each other for a long time. But, I know that Brittany won't be the first to let go. I squeeze her tighter and then let go but Brittany holds tight.

"You're squishing me." I giggle into Brittany's shoulder.

She laughs and release her tight hug. She holds me by the shoulders and look up and down my body like she's memorizing me. When her eyes meet mine something flashes across them. "I- uh-" She stutters. It's there and then it's gone.

"I have to go." I tell Brittany as she stands there unsure of what to do. It's a bit awkward, but not because of Brittany. The situation is just awkward. The atmosphere around us feels charged. "I'll see you on Monday."

"Yeah."

"Okay. Bye, Brittany." I feel like I should hug her again or maybe give her a kiss, but neither of those things end up happening. Brittany pats me awkwardly on the shoulder and I turn to leave. Brittany stands rooted to her spot as I open, exit, and close the door.

* * *

When I get home, I find my dad passed out in his recliner. I walk straight passed him, down the short hall, to my room. I change into pajamas and get in bed. Reflecting on my day, I think mostly of Brittany and how great she is. Today could have turned out completely opposite but because of Brittany, it didn't. It was as good of a day that I think I could have had. Brittany is beyond great, she's amazing. The more I think about Brittany the more I realize that my little crush on her has developed into something more. What started out as us been friends has quickly turned into me having feeling for her. Feelings that are more than friendly, or a crush, or any of that nonsense.

They're real.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

When I get to my locker on Monday morning I find Brittany there waiting for me. I step next to her before I ask what's on my mind. "What are you doing here?" Brittany's never been at my locker first thing in the morning. I don't think I've ever really seen her before third period. Her presence is unexpected.

She's looking at me intently. The swelling around my eye from Saturday is completely gone. The bruising is still there though. I've covered it well with makeup so it's not visible unless you look real close. But, that's not what Brittany is looking at or for. Her eyes roam my body and not in a good way. She's looking, no, searching, but she's not gonna find anything.

"I'm fine, Brittany." I laugh. I know what she's doing. She's checking for possible new injuries.

"Good." She breathes out. Was she holding her breath until she knew I was fine? I narrow my eyes at her. "I'm just making sure."

"Okay. Sooooo…. I've never seen you before school before. What makes today so special?" I grin at her. I'm really happy to see her again. I really am. It's unexpected and it's nice. I start on my locker combination and eagerly wait for her answer.

She shrugs and looks around the crowded hallway. "Oh yeah, usually I have a Cheerios meeting Monday morning but I skipped it."

"What?" I gasp. "You can't just skip Cheerios on account of me." I can't believe she did this. It's sweet that she cares, but Brittany can't be skipping her responsibilities because of me.

"Well, I did." Brittany smiles, cocky. "Besides, Quinn is captain and she'll take care of it for me." Her smile turns into a naughty smirk. She holds out her elbow. "May I escort you to your class, Ms. Lopez?" Brittany asks in a funny voice.

I couldn't hold back my smile if I tried. I grab the book I need from my locker and shut it. "You may, Ms. Pierce." I loop my arm through Brittany's and she leads us on our way.

* * *

Mr. Schuester has the Glee club doing some strange team building activity. We all got paired together. I got Brittany as a partner, making our portion of the activity a piece of cake.

Right now, Finn and Rachel are paired together trying to do the activity. The partners have to sit on the floor with their backs to each other. They have their arms linked and have to stand up without separating. The catch is you can't talk to your partner.

Brittany and I finished our portion of the activity and were standing in a matter of seconds. Talking wasn't a problem for us. The amount of non-verbal communication between us has increased each and every day since we met, making this task easy for Brittany and I.

Finn and Rachel on the other hand, not so much. Finn keeps grunting and trying to get up, lifting Rachel off of the floor. Rachel keeps squealing and flailing her legs. It's hilarious.

Brittany sits next to me, in the back row, as we laugh at all the fools on the floor trying to beat our time. What they don't know is if they focused less on beating our time and more on a way to stand without talking they would be able to do the task.

The room is full of murmurs as we watch on as a frustrated Finn and Rachel try but fail horribly. Finn gives up. "This is impossible." He complains.

"It's clearly not impossible. Santana and Brittany did it and so did Quinn and Sam. It's possible Finn." Mr. Schuester tells him.

Meanwhile, Rachel starts complaining about Finn not trying hard enough. I snicker at the fury that rages in the tiny brunette. She is all about the Glee club and wants to see it succeed and further her own goals in the process. She'll do just about anything to make that happen. Failing at a somewhat simple activity must be driving her nuts.

"Okay. Up next. Puck and Mercedes." Mr. Schuester announces, dismissing Finn and Rachel.

"Oh, this should be good." Brittany comments from my side. I look over to her and she has a sly smile on her face. She's enjoying this activity, maybe a little too much.

I have to admit. It's funny to watch all the pairs struggle. "We've totally got this." I whisper to Brittany. She nods in agreement.

After all the pairs have taken a turn Brittany and I still remain at the top of the board in terms of the shortest amount of time to stand. Mr. Schuester announces as much. "With the best time, Brittany and Santana."

Brittany stands up and takes a bow. I laugh and grab at her hand.

"Mr. Schue, this isn't fair. Santana just joined the Glee club like two weeks ago." Tina complains.

"It's more than fair." The teacher says.

The rest of the room complains about the unfairness of Brittany and I 'winning' the activity. Because I'm new, somehow, that was an advantages. What everyone but Brittany doesn't know is that the advantage wasn't in me being new, but in the bond that Brittany and I have created over the last two months.

"They're just jealous." Brittany whispers to me when she returns to her seat. I just smile at her. She knows, as well as I do, why we won.

* * *

American Lit is boring, as usual. I love reading but sitting in class listening to other students read is terrible. The part that doesn't involve reading, though, isn't boring. That part is the Brittany part. She's sitting behind me, like usual, and she's been kicking at my desk. I know she's bored too. I still haven't figured out how she passes her classes if she's never paying attention or putting in any work. It's one of the biggest mysteries about her that remains.

When Brittany kicks at the bottom of my seat repeatedly I turn around and glare at her. Brittany has the most guilty smile on her face I think I've ever seen. She grins and then sticks her tongue out at me. I widen my eyes in mock shock. Not much that Brittany does shocks me anymore. She grins some more but her smile turns into a sweet one, one where her eyes twinkle and smile too.

"Turn around, Ms. Lopez." Mrs. Turner calls out.

I gulp and face forward in my desk. The teacher glares at me for a second. She points down at her book and mouths 'pay attention'. I nod to her. The student that's reading doesn't miss a beat and keeps reading throughout.

"We should go to a movie on Thursday after school." Brittany suggests at the end of the day. "I don't have practice. Coach has her thing." Brittany waves her hand dismissively through the air.

I would love to go to a movie with Brittany but I don't think I can afford it. Unless it was one of those budget movies that are like four bucks, then maybe I could scrounge up something. I don't have a job and the only money I get is from my dad and he's not giving it away. He doesn't have extra cash. The money from his job goes to bills and groceries and beer and gas for his truck. The little extra that he has isn't much. And most of the time it's used for things around the house. Me going to a movie depends on my dad and how much extra cash he has.

"I'd have to ask my dad." I use the pretense that I need to get his approval to go when that's not the case at all. I don't mention the money situation to Brittany. She doesn't need to know how poor I am.

"Oh. Really?" Brittany doesn't seems to like the idea of me asking my dad. I get the feeling that she's not a fan of my dad. I understand that. The things I've told her about him aren't the greatest. I think she blames him for the injuries that I keep getting.

"If you have to. But be-" Brittany cuts herself off by biting her lip and looking around the hallway.

_Safe. _That's the word that Brittany didn't say.

"I will be." I tell her and give her a reassuring smile. If I talk to my dad right away when I get home it won't be a problem.

* * *

"Hey, dad." I mumble as I enter the door.

He looks up from the tv and nods. "How was your day, Santana?" He can't keep eye contact with me. I don't know if it's because he's ashamed or if it's because he doesn't truly care. Something in me thinks it's the first of those two things. I know that he's probably still thinking about the other night and wishing I was a burglar.

"It was good. School was fine but my friend-" I swallow down the lump in my throat. The worst he could say is no. "-she asked me to go to the movies with her. Would that be alright?"

"Of course. As long as you are home at a reasonable time anything's fine." He says. He glances from me, then back to the tv real quick.

"Ok, great. There's one other thing." I say nervously and look down at the floor. "Can I have some money for the movie?"

When I hear my dad sigh I look up. "How much is it?" He asks in monotone, almost sounding annoyed.

"I'm not sure exactly. Probably ten to twelve dollars for the movie." I explain. I don't know the exact price of a movie and without going to one I can't know for sure. It's probably been five years since I've been to a movie and I'm sure the price has gone up since then. It's not like I can just ask Brittany - or anybody else for that matter - what the price of a movie costs. Imagine the embarrassment. I can feel it heating my cheeks right now. "Twelve dollars should cover it." I add. I want to be clear and straightforward with him.

"You know that we don't have a lot of extra spending money, Santana." My dad reminds me. Not that I needed reminding. I nod. "I'm all for you having friends and spending time with them, but not if it's gonna pull money from my pockets." He grumbles. "I don't get paid until Friday." My dad says, as if that explains everything. But, it does.

My shoulders fall and so does any look of hope that I may have had on my face. 'I don't get paid until Friday' basically translates to - 'I don't have the money.' Or, 'you can't have any money.' But mostly, 'you can't go to the movies.' Without my dad saying any of those words, I understand. I feel my whole body deflate. And the sadness takes over when I remember that I'll have to tell Brittany that I can't go on Thursday.

"When's the movie?" I'm not sure why he's asking if I can't have the money to go. If he doesn't have the money. If it doesn't matter. Maybe it's the look on my face. I'm sure it's an unpleasant one. My whole demeanor has changed from when I walked in the door and I'm sure he, at least, sees that.

"Does it matter?" I ask, deflated.

"Santana." His voice is stern. "Tell me when the movie is." My dad's not mad or angry but he wants an answer from me.

"Thursday." I mumble and hang my head.

"Hmm." He hums and nods.

When my dad focuses back on the tv and doesn't say anything else, that's when I know it's time to leave and that this discussion is over.

I tried.

And that's all I could do. I knew that the odds were against me. I know that money is tight. It's always tight. I knew that it would be a long shot, but I had to ask. And I did. I tried. I failed, but I tried. There's not much I can do about it. If we don't have the money, we don't have the money.

I've thought of getting a job. Something simple. Something small for after school or on the weekends but that would take away from my plan of studying hard, getting good grades, getting into a good college, and getting out of here.

Do I struggle for a few months now? Or do I struggle for the rest of my life?

* * *

I wait for Brittany in the hallway outside the Chemistry room. I'm hoping she gets here before the bell rings. I have news to tell her. It's not good news, but I have to tell her regardless.

I spot her blonde ponytail bopping up and down as she comes towards me before I actually see the rest of her. Students are blocking my view of her until she gets a few feet from the room.

"Santana, what are you doing out here?" Brittany sounds surprised. "Is something wrong?" Her surprise turns to concern.

"No. Nothing's wrong. Not really."

"Then what is it?" Brittany asks, tuning herself to me and blocking out all the noise surrounding us.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe I shouldn't have waited for her out here. Maybe I should have just stayed in my seat at the back of the classroom. Maybe I should have just told her there, when we were both seated. My palms start sweating and I rub them on my jeans. All of a sudden, I don't want to tell Brittany anymore.

"Santana." She says my name.

"I can't go to a movie on Thursday." I blurt.

Brittany freezes. Maybe not freezes. She tenses. Her face hardens. Her muscles tighten. She looks angry, like she could hurt someone. I take a step away from her. "Why?" Brittany grits through her teeth.

She wants an answer. A truthful answer. She knows I'm not telling her something and she's agitated by it.

"Because." I shrug and shrink away from her. I don't want to lie to her.

"That's not an answer." Brittany groans angrily. Except, she's not angry, not really. She's not angry with me. She's angry with something or someone else. But, really, this isn't angry Brittany. Her anger is just inflated. This is protective Brittany. This is Brittany knowing that something about me not going to the movies with her is wrong. It bothers her that I can't go and she's trying to get me to reveal what it is at the same time that she is trying to stay level headed and trying to care for and protect me.

She steps around me and I think about apologizing. For what, I'm not sure, but I'm just sorry. Sorry about all of it, I guess.

I follow Brittany into our Chemistry classroom, to the back, to our seats. "He can't stop you from going to the movies." Brittany says coldly. I'm not sure if she says it to me or herself though.

"He sorta can though." That get's Brittany's attention and she looks my way. I try to be honest with her. "I'm not eighteen yet, Britt." I sigh. It's the truth. But, it's not the truth that she wants or deserves.

Brittany looks at me with big eyes, like I've suddenly grown a second head. I'm waiting for her to reply with something mean about my dad, but Brittany just sits there and stares at me, speechless.

"What?" I ask when her stare continues. Slowly, her lips curl up into a smile. The previous conversation, seemingly, forgotten. When her white teeth make an appearance it finally clicks in my mind.

"Oh." I mumble. I didn't know shortening Brittany's name would get this reaction from her.

Brittany looks like she might lunge at me, tackle me to the ground, and start kissing me senseless. I wouldn't mind if that happened, but just not here. Not at school. I look around the room. As usual, everyone is busy doing their own things. No one sees Brittany staring at me with those bright blue eyes. They are really blue right now.

"I might not be able to go to a movie but I could come over to your house after school." I get back to the discussion we are having because I don't know what else to say or do. Brittany's smile grows bigger and brighter, if that's possible. She just nods and grins at what I said. I chuckle a little. She's such a dork sometimes. Right now would be one of those times.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Brittany asks from behind me when the final bell rings. I spin around in my desk and nod and smile at her.

Sure, it's not what Brittany originally wanted to do today, but for me spending time with Brittany is always great. We don't need to go to a movie or out to eat. I'm perfectly happy just sitting at her house with her. Plus, it's the cheapest option, at least for me.

When Brittany pulls the car into the driveway the nervous butterflies erupt in my stomach. I put my hand over the area to try and calm them. We get out of the car and go inside. It's quiet.

"No one's here." Brittany says. It's like the girl can read my mind some of the time. "Come on." She throws her backpack on the floor next to the door and reaches for my hand.

Brittany tugs me along behind her, shoes and backpack, and all. We go into the living room and Brittany flops down on the couch. I fall halfway on top of her. I somehow shrug my backpack off while Brittany watches me from underneath. Her eyes are half-closed, and she has a sly grin on her face. As soon as I'm free of my backpack she pulls my body to her completely. Brittany's arms wrap around my back as she holds me in place.

"I've wanted to kiss you since Tuesday morning." She and I both know the moment she's referencing.

"Britt." I whine her shortened name, playing around with her.

Her whole face lights up. "Yeah, that." She says, barely audible. Brittany cranes her neck until her lips reach mine. I ease the tension for her by kissing her hard, forcing her head down against the arm of the couch. Brittany sighs into the next kiss.

Her hands roam the area of my back as we kiss. One under my sweatshirt and t-shirt, the other above my shirts near my shoulders and neck. I get lost in Brittany's kisses. They go from sweet and soft, to playful, to even a bit on the aggressive side when she kisses along my jaw line to my ear and bites on my earlobe. She's got me moaning on top of her. My hands tangle in her hair as she works over my skin.

Brittany's lips return to mine and our kisses return to soft and tender. Slow little pecks of lips and cheeks and noses. I rub my nose against Brittany's and then rest my forehead against hers. I take a deep breath and then open my eyes. Brittany's eyes are still closed. I can feel her heart beating against mine in our chests. "What are you thinking?" I whisper to her.

"Mmm." Brittany hums. "That I love making out." She grins happily. "With you."

"Britt." I say her name. She's not fair.

"I'm sleepy now." She mumbles.

"Okay." I look at Brittany one last time before I shift lower against her so that I can lay my head against her chest, just below her chin. She never opens her eyes. I cuddle into Brittany's body and she holds me as she falls to sleep. This is my favorite place to be. Here, with Brittany holding me safe and secure. I feel myself drifting off to sleep quickly, too.

When I wake up it's dark outside. At first, I panic but then remember that it's fall and the time has changed and it gets dark early in the evening.

"Hey, sleepyhead." Brittany chuckles.

"Oh, god."

Brittany laughs harder. "You're so cute. Especially when you're asleep." She tells me.

I sit up, my elbows on either side of Brittany's body. "I'm not cute." I dispute.

Brittany rolls her eyes. "Whatever you say." A smile on her face the whole time. "You want dinner?"

"Sure. Wait? What time is it?"

Brittany widens her eyes. "Almost five."

"Okay."

"I don't feel like making anything." Brittany shrugs against the couch. "How are you with leftovers?"

"Depends what they are?" I tease with a wink.

"Lasagna. Nothing too exotic." Brittany giggles. "Nothing fancy. Kinda boring actually."

"That's okay." I tell her. I don't care. As long as it taste alright and fills my belly, I'll eat it.

"Okay." She grins up at me.

"Okay." I say again.

Brittany starts giggling.

"What? What are we waiting for?" I smile down at her cheesily. God, I feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy and corny on the inside. Brittany makes me feel, like really feel things. Things I've never felt before. Simply too. It's not something big that we are doing. We are just spending time with each other. Laying on the couch, kissing, taking naps. That shouldn't be such a big thing, but it somehow is.

"You have to get off of me first." Brittany smirks and smacks her hands teasingly against my butt.

My cheeks and the tips of my ears heat up. "Right." I bite my lip and push away from Brittany. She sits up with her messy hair and pleased smile. Brittany holds out her hand for me once we are both in a sitting position. She holds my hand for the short journey from the living room to the kitchen. I stand next to her as she gets the lasagna out of the fridge.

"Can you get a plate from the cupboard right there?" Brittany points the corresponding cupboard door. I nod and get the plate. I watch Brittany serve up two helpings of lasagna onto the plate. She heats it in the microwave. "Nothing fancy." She repeats her words from earlier

As we wait, she takes my hand again. Her thumb rubs gently at my skin. I look to Brittany and she smiles, warm. She brings our intertwined hands to her lips and kisses the back of my hand.

It feels so big, like so much.

I smile my best smile for Brittany. She smiles against my hand that she holds to her lips. I can't see her actual smile but I can see it in her eyes.

We stare and smile at each other until the microwave beeps. Brittany let's go of my hand, but not before stroking my skin once more with her thumb. She takes the plate from the microwave and I follow her as she gets one fork and goes over to the table.

Brittany and I sit next to each other and share a fork back and forth as we eat the lasagna from one plate.

"This way there won't be as many dishes." Brittany smirks. I chuckle and roll my eyes before taking another bite. I don't think Brittany cares about how many dishes there are or aren't. I'm sure she wanted it this way. For us to share one plate, one fork.

* * *

"I should get home before it's too late." I tell Brittany after we eat. "I have homework to do."

Brittany nods. She gets those sad eyes though. Sometimes, I think when we part she takes it really hard. It's not like we won't see each other tomorrow at school or anything. I don't know if I should feel bad about that or not. I don't want Brittany to be sad every time I leave after we hang out.

"What about you? Don't you have homework too?" I ask. I don't understand how Brittany can go to school, but doesn't seem to have any regard for it or homework.

Brittany shrugs. "I don't really like doing homework."

"I don't think anybody _likes_ doing homework, but you have to do it." I counter. That's crazy.

"Well, me and homework are like lightning and water, we don't mix." Brittany folds her arms over her chest, defiant.

"O-kay. But, I still have one question. How do you pass your classes?" It's one of the things I haven't figured out about Brittany. She doesn't seem to pay attention in class. She doesn't put much effort into school at all. She doesn't study and she doesn't do homework. How is it possible that she passes any of her classes?

Brittany shrugs. "I just do."

It's not the answer that I was looking for, but I don't want to press the issue. I pick up my backpack from the living room floor and go to the front door. Brittany follows closely behind me. I get to the door and spin around to face her.

"Have a good night, Santana." Brittany smiles.

"I will. You too, Britt. Have a good night." A pause and lick my lips. I've had a great time with Brittany today. That's becoming a common theme with us. Every time is great and easy and fun. I look directly into Brittany's eyes. "Thank you." I tell her earnestly.

"For what?" She asks, puzzled.

I look down at my toes. This is hard for me. I clear my throat before saying what I need to say. "For being there. For being a friend."

Brittany chuckles. "Of course." I look up to see a silly grin on her face. "I really like you, Santana." She pauses, licking her lips, and looks around the space we occupy. "From the beginning. That's what I wanted. To be friends with you. I really like you and you're a great friend."

I scoff. A _great friend_, yeah right. I'm flaky and unreliable. "You probably have better friends than me. Like Quinn. Or maybe somebody else from the Cheerios. People you've known a long time. You've only know me for two months." There's no way that I'm better friends with Brittany in two months over someone she's known her whole life.

Brittany shrugs and looks down at the floor. She plays nervously with her hands. I don't understand her behavior right now. "I'm gonna be honest with you right now. And you might not believe me, but it's true."

"Okay." I say skeptically.

"You're right. I might have known some kids from school my whole life, but it's not like you think. I've mentioned it before- that I know a lot of people, but in reality I don't really have any close friends. I don't have a best friend. Or I didn't." She mumbles that last part.

It shocks me a little. Can this be possible? I never thought of it, but now that Brittany has mentioned it everything makes sense. From the beginning. Why Brittany wanted to know my name? Why Brittany wanted to get to know me so bad? And be my friend so bad? Now I feel really bad. All Brittany wanted was a good friend.

"You're my best friend, Brittany." I tell her confidently. She needs to know.

Brittany lifts her head and looks at me unsure. I nod and the smile grows on her face. I hold my hand out for her and Brittany takes it. "Me too." She whispers through her wide smile. Brittany pulls me to her and wraps her arms around me. She lifts me off the ground in a big bear hug. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and hold on tight. We spin around in circles for a few seconds and I giggle into Brittany's ear.

I only have a second when my feet touch the ground before I'm assaulted by Brittany's lips. She kisses me good and sure. Brittany hums into the kiss and I feel it through my whole body. My arms around her neck pull her closer to me and I take control of the kiss. I press into Brittany with everything I've got before flicking my tongue against her lips and pulling away.

"Hey." She whines when I pull back.

"I have to go home." I bite my lip. I know and I think she does too. That if I don't go now it might be a long time before I make my way out of this house.

"I know." See, she knows.

I giggle and disconnect from Brittany. A chill runs through my body when I do. It's not a feeling I like. It's happened a couple of times in recent weeks, the chill, and it doesn't get any better each time it happens. In fact, I think it gets worse.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Brittany asks eagerly.

"No. You don't have to. I like walking. It lets me think. I like the fresh air." I tell her. "I'll be fine. I'll be safe." I lean in and kiss her on the cheek.

She blushes. "Okay, but the offers always stands." She's such a sweet girl. Brittany wants to do anything and everything possible.

"I know." I smile thankfully at her. "I'll see you tomorrow. Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay." Brittany agrees.

"Bye, Britt." I smile and turn towards the door.

"Bye, San."

I turn around at my shortened name. Brittany's standing there, smiling bashfully. "What?" She shrugs. She's totally adorable right now.

I step to her and kiss her on the lips quickly. Just a quick peck and then I'm gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**This is a big chapter and I don't mean word count big. There's a lot happening in this chapter. I debated splitting it into two but I think it works best as one. Also, the rating for this story will be changing from T to M.**

**Rated: M**

**Warning: Physical abuse, blood**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

The only thing that happens on Friday is that Brittany nearly begs me to come to her house on Saturday. I agree, but tell her that I have to do homework and will be bringing it with me.

It's becoming easier and easier with Brittany. I feel so comfortable when I'm around her. I find myself agreeing to things I never thought I would do. Brittany brings something out of me. A different side. A happy side. She breaks down those barriers that I've built within myself. I don't usually let people in, but with Brittany it's like she somehow snuck her way in without me even knowing. She got comfortable and made a home there and I don't have the ability to kick her out. She's inside of me and there's nothing I can or want to do about it.

It's a great feeling, actually.

I smile as I walk up the stairs. It's cool outside and I can't wait to get inside. I press the doorbell and the door swings open immediately. I narrow my eyes at her. "Were you standing there waiting for me?"

"No." She looks down at her stocking feet.

"Brittany?"

"Maybe." She looks up, biting her lip. "I'm excited to see you." She confesses.

She always is. That's the thing. Brittany is never tired of me. It's like she can't get enough of me. Not that I don't like being around her or spending time with her, but I don't think I'd be waiting at the door for her if it were the other way around. Who knows, heck, if my house were set up differently then maybe I would be waiting too.

"Me too." I tell her and step forward. Brittany steps aside to let me enter the house. I hear the tv on in the living room, but I don't hear any other noise.

Brittany rocks back and forth on her toes as I take my coat and shoes off. December's looming and there's almost a permanent chill in the air. She's waiting.

Once I've removed the items, Brittany pounces. Her arms wrap around my middle. Her eyes sparkle as they connect with mine.

"Hey." She whispers.

"Hi." I whisper back. "Why are we whispering?" I can't help but ask. I'm curious.

Brittany licks her lips as her eyes shift between my eyes and my lips. "Can I?" She whispers.

I laugh. Throwing my head back and laughing from my belly. She's too much. "Brittany, you don't need permission."

"Okay, good." She smile, sneaky. Brittany smiles into the kiss. It's a short kiss, but it's so good. Her lips caress mine in the best way possible. She's firm and confident, but gentle and soft with her kisses all at the same time.

I sigh when we separate. My fingers stroke at the nape of Brittany's neck where they've found their place.

"What do you want to do today?" Brittany asks softly.

I wanted to do my homework, but I can see how I might be distracted by other things. Still…

"I want to get some homework done, if that's okay?" I tell her. I never feel right when my homework goes undone. I did some of it last night after school but had to quit when I got a headache.

"Totally okay." Brittany grins. "Let's go to my room."

I grab my backpack while Brittany shuts off the tv. I wait for Brittany at the bottom of the stairs. She reaches for my hand when she gets close enough. I smile as our fingers intertwine.

I set up on the left side of Brittany's bed with my books. She sits to my right. Brittany's watching something on her computer as I work on my homework. She has headphones on and it's super cute when she laughs at anything on the screen.

Homework is like a necessary evil. No one likes doing it, but if you are going to succeed it has to be done. I work as hard and as fast as I can on my schoolwork while Brittany sits patiently next to me. I'm amazed that she agreed to this. Wouldn't it be more fun for her it I weren't doing homework and we were doing something together? Or if I were at home doing my homework instead of here. She could do whatever she wanted then.

I really want to hang out with Brittany, but I have homework and I want to make sure I balance the two. It's my new approach to my plan. As long as Brittany's around there's no way to work against her. I have to give Brittany and our friendship the time it deserves, but at the same time I don't want to slack off on my homework. I just hope I can find a good balance between the too.

I want to be a good friend. The best friend. Brittany deserves the best friend in the world. After she told me that she's never had a best friend I felt bad for her. I felt like I needed to step up and be there for Brittany. She's always there for me. She's the most caring, nicest, funniest, most genuine friend I've ever known. What kind of person would I be if I chose homework over her? What kind of person would do that? It's homework after all. Brittany is too important to me. I would never treat her badly. I won't allow myself to be a bad friend.

Suddenly, I feel like such a party-pooper doing homework when I'm suppose to be her hanging out with her. Brittany's bopping along next to me and I can only assume that she's listening to music. When I look over in her direction her eyes are closed and her head bobs to the beat.

As quietly as possible, I put my books in my backpack and set it on the floor. I look at Brittany and she doesn't know anything around her has changed. Her lips are moving as she mouths along to the words of the song. She's absolutely adorable. My heartbeat speeds up just watching her.

I try to move stealthily so that I am right next to Brittany. I lean in and watch her. I don't want her to open her eyes. Her lips still move to the lyrics of the song she's listening to. I lean in and press my lips to the corner of her mouth. There's a little fumble as she's moving her lips. But when Brittany realizes what's happening she kisses me back. She smiles into the kiss and I giggle.

I open my eyes and lean back and watch as Brittany slowly opens her eyes. Her cheeks are pink and she licks her lips. I reach out and remove the headphones from her ears.

"Oh." She mumbles.

"You're cute." I tell her. "I'm done with my homework." That's not the complete truth. I stop doing my homework so I could enjoy the rest of my time with Brittany. I still have more to do before school on Monday, but I know I'll have enough time.

"Cool. What do you want to do now?"

I shrug. I didn't have a plan when I decided to quit doing homework. I just wanted to spend time with Brittany. I could just sit here with her all day and that would be more than enough for me.

Brittany sets her laptop on the side table next to her bed. She lays back against the pillows and opens her arms. I crawl over to her and lay down with her. With my head on her chest, my arm around her waist. Brittany's arms wrap around me and she holds us together. It's my place. My safe, secure place. Brittany kisses the top of my head and starts humming. Probably one of the songs she was just listening to. I don't recognize the tune but that's okay. I enjoy the sound of Brittany's humming no matter what she's humming.

For me this is what blurs the line. These cuddle session that seem to be becoming more and more frequent blur the line between friendship and something more. Not just the cuddles either but the kisses too. I know I don't know much about being best friends cuz I've never had one, but I know best friends don't kiss each other on the mouth.

I don't want to put a label on what Brittany and I have because it's great and I don't want anything to change, but I find myself wondering if we are only best friends or if it has transformed into something more. Not that it matters. I don't want to label it, but I do wonder. How does Brittany feel about what's happening? Does she have the same thoughts that I have?

Something overcomes me and I crane my neck until my lips reach the underside of Brittany's jaw. I hear her take in a sharp breath and her body tenses, but when I kiss her there again her whole body relaxes. I sit up a little on my elbow so I have better access. My lips travel across her soft pale skin. Traveling her jaw line to her ear. In a bold move, I wrap my lips around her earlobe and suck on it a little.

Brittany gasps and pushes on my shoulder, pushing me away from her ear. She locks eyes with me before wrapping a hand around the back of my neck and connecting our lips for a proper kiss.

The cuddles turn into kisses and the kisses lead to roaming hands. Mostly Brittany's. And mostly because of our positions. With me leaning half on and over Brittany. Her hands wander under my shirt, roaming up and down my back. My right hand is threaded in Brittany's silky blonde hair. The other is curled at her side helping to support my weight with my arm.

Brittany nips at my lower lip with her teeth and a have the urge to press my whole body closer to her. Brittany's hands are wonderfully gentle and soft, just like her lips, just like everything about Brittany. She wonderful on all of sorts of levels. Her fingers flick at the clasp on my bra and that's when it becomes too much. I moan into Brittany's mouth, kissing her solidly, before pulling my face away from hers.

I run my hands through my own hair, gasping for some much needed air. My whole body tingles. All hot and bothered, I guess.

A fear rises in my chest as I look down at Brittany with her swollen pink lips, messy hair, and lust filled eyes.

"I need to use the bathroom." I blurt and stand up from the bed. I make my way out of the room. I need to calm down. I don't know why I'm so worked up right now. Well, I do. But, other than that desire there's something else going on. That scared feeling that sits in my chest won't dissipate.

I don't know what I'm so afraid of. To hurt myself, or worse Brittany. What if something happens that could jeopardize our friendship? I don't want that. If I didn't stop us where would that make out session have gone. My mind immediately jumps to sex. I don't want to hook up with Brittany just for the sake of it. That's not right. It's not fair. To me, or her. But, mostly to her. I don't want Brittany to end up as one of my hook-ups. One and done, and then tossed aside. I can't do that to her, I won't. That's why I stopped it before it got that far. But, it scared me.

I look at myself in the mirror. My hands grip either side of the sink, hard. I take a few deep breathes to calm down. It will all be fine. If I don't let it cross that line that leads to sex, it will all be fine. I can do this. Brittany is my friend. I need to be her friend too.

I use the bathroom, wash my hands and face before returning to Brittany's room. She's sitting on the bed, nearly in the same spot where I left her, except that she is sitting up now with her back against the headboard. Brittany's looking down at her hands in her lap and she plays nervously with them. I don't want her to be nervous or ashamed or feel like she did anything wrong, but that's exactly what she looks like right now.

"We should eat." She says without looking at me.

"Okay." I say trying to sound happy and just- normal. Brittany finally looks in my direction and I smile genuinely for her. She smiles back and her nervous behavior is dropped. She hops off the bed and hurries over to me.

"We can make sandwiches." Brittany suggests in the kitchen.

"Sure, sounds good."

Brittany starts getting the sandwich fixings out of the fridge. When she has everything on the counter she reaches for the drawer in front of me. Her arm brushes against my chest and her cheeks turn pink. I feel the heat on my face as well. Thankfully, for me, my skin is darker than hers so it's harder to notice.

Brittany puts four slices of bread on the counter. "Mayo?" She asks. I nod. "Sweet." She grins. I watch as she starts spreading mayo onto the bread with a knife. I little blob of mayo slips off the knife between the jar and the bread and falls on the counter. "Whoopsies." Brittany sing-songs. She reaches out with her finger and swipes the mayo from the counter. Brittany brings her finger towards her face, but at the last second diverts.

Before I know it there is mayo on my left cheek. "Brittany." I whine.

"Whoopsies." She grins evilly. "It slipped."

"No, it didn't." I narrow my eyes. I reach for the jar of mayo, but Brittany grabs it before I can wrap my fingers around it. My fingers find the next closest thing. Lettuce. I throw the lettuce at Brittany. It hits her in the face and falls to the floor lamely. It's not much of a weapon.

Brittany and I stare at the lettuce on the floor for a second before Brittany's finger is coming at me with mayo on it again. "Brittany." I yell and run away from her. We run around the kitchen island. Brittany chases me with mayo on her finger, the jar in the opposite hand. I grab the package of sliced turkey on one pass. Pulling it open while I run around, I throw turkey over my shoulder at Brittany behind me.

I don't know if any turkey hits Brittany or if it just ends up flopping to the floor to a sad death like the lettuce. After a few slices of turkey, I stop throwing and grab the package of cheese off the counter and run around the room with that too. I don't throw anything else, but I laugh as we run around in circles.

I stop suddenly and Brittany runs into me. I turn around and she's grinning from ear to ear. "You look like a sandwich thief. You just need bread." She laughs.

"Funny." I roll my eyes.

"What?" She mocks offense.

"Let's just clean up and finish our sandwiches." I tell her.

"Okay." Brittany looks to her right index finger. "But, what am I suppose to do with this mayo?" She raises an eyebrow and holds the mayo finger between us. A challenge.

I accept. I wrap my lips around her index finger and slowly sucks the mayo from her digit. I roll my tongue around her finger to make sure the mayo is cleaned from her fingertip. I suck and release Brittany's finger with a pop.

"How's that?" I ask teasingly.

"G-good." Brittany stutters.

I chuckle.

Brittany finishes making the sandwiches after we clean up from our little food fight. We eat the sandwiches in her room with glasses of water. Brittany puts on a movie as we eat. She's picked another good one as usual.

* * *

I wake up in a position I've been in before. The side of my face against Brittany's collarbone, her arm around my shoulder. "Why do I always fall asleep when I'm here?" It's kind of embarrassing. "I get enough sleep, I swear."

Brittany laughs. "I don't mind." She kisses me on the forehead.

"What time is it?" I ask the dreaded question. We both know what comes next.

"Nine-thirty." Brittany's arm squeezes me.

"I have to go home now." I say somberly. I don't think I've ever felt more somber about going home. Brittany removes her arm from around me. She gets up without any protest. I always get the feeling that Brittany never wants me to go home. I think it probably has something to do with my dad. I know Brittany isn't the biggest fan of his. She hasn't ever said anything, but she doesn't have to.

At the front door, I kiss Brittany extra long. Longer than a simple goodbye kiss. I gather my things for my journey home. Brittany frowns, but pulls the zipper on my jacket all the way to my chin. She's being firm in her stance against me leaving, but she's also being concerned and caring.

"Thanks, Britt."

"I don't want you to get cold." She bites on her bottom lip. "Stay safe, Santana." Her worry for me seems like it's more than my own worry for me sometimes. I'll be fine. I'm a big girl.

"I will." I lean forward and press my lips to the tip of her nose. Brittany wrinkles it up in an ugly way. "Don't do that." I tell her and peck her lips. A small smile teases at Brittany's lips. I kiss her once more there, then kiss each one of her cheeks. "I'll see you soon."

She nods. "Bye, Santana." Brittany sways back and forth in her spot.

I open the door and step out into the cold night. When I pull the door closed behind me something sinks within me. Leaving Brittany's house is a bit difficult. I know I can't stay, but I want to. Everything's so confusing and overwhelming right now. There's so much going on in my head and in my heart. It's feels like the world is spinning around me and I just wish it would stop, so I can figure out what's actually happening.

* * *

When I get home my dad's still up. He's sitting in his recliner in front of the television. "What are you doing home so late?" He slurs his words.

"It's not late dad. It's not even ten yet." I let him know. I step into the kitchen to get a glass of water from the tap. I hear my dad get up from his chair. I roll my eyes. Why can't he just stay where he is? My back is turned to him, but I hear him approaching. I spin around with my glass of water in hand. He's right in front of me.

"Don't talk back to me." He raises a shaky finger and points it in my face. "I am your father." He slurs into my face.

"Okay. Sorry dad." I brush off his little outburst on his drunken state. "I'm going to bed." I inform him and try to side step him.

"No. I'm talking to you, Santana." He steps in front of me.

"We can talk in the morning." I don't want to argue with him, especially not when he is drunk.

"No." He shouts. I hear the slap before I feel it. I loose my balance and start falling. The glass of water goes flying across the small kitchen. Gravity takes hold and I tumble over. I put my hands out to brace my fall. But they don't make contact with the floor before my head makes contact with something. The edge of the table. I finally hit the floor.

I raise my hand to my face and feel the blood there.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." My dad rushes past me and then comes back with a few sheets of paper towel. He reaches out and tries to put the paper towel to the blood, but I wince away from him. He's the last person I want touching me right now.

"I'm so sorry." My dad keeps slurring over and over.

I get to my feet and rush into the bathroom, my coat is still on, my backpack still attached to me somehow. I get a washcloth out of the small cabinet in the bathroom and run it under cold water. My dad appears in the mirror. He stands in the doorway looking sorry for himself. "I was just worried that you were out so late. And that you weren't home yet. I'm so sorry, Santana." He babbles.

He's not my problem right now. Right now, I have to get this cut above my eyebrow to stop bleeding. If that happens I can put a band aid on it and be done with today. I see it's not a big cut once I get it cleaned off, but it is bleeding a lot. It's a good thing I'm not squeamish about blood cuz it covers the washcloth and when I rinse it out the water runs red in the sink.

My dad stands there apologizing over and over while I get the bleeding to stop. It finally does after a few minutes and I put a big band aid over my left eyebrow.

I turn around and stare down my dad. He ducks his head in shame. At least he has the decency to do that. I shove past him and go to my room. I slam the door as hard as I can. The whole house shakes with the power.

I don't bother with any lights. I just shrug off my backpack, then jacket. I take my jeans and sweatshirt off. I put on pajamas, but hold onto the sweatshirt.

That's the first time my dad has ever put a hand on me intentionally. All the other times I've gotten injured were accidents. Or I considered them accidents. But now that I think about it, maybe they shouldn't have happened either. Accidents or not.

My dad has never harmed me on purpose in the past. But tonight, that was no accident. He didn't stumble or think I was a burglar. He stood there in front of me yelling and he hit me. Whether he meant to or not isn't the point. He did it.

I climb into bed with my sweatshirt. It smells like Brittany. It smells like vanilla and _her._ I hold the sweatshirt to my face as my forehead throbs. As the tears come, I wish she were here.

I don't actually wish Brittany were here in my house, but I wish she were here, with me. I could use that safe, secure feeling I get when I'm around her. I don't have that here. Especially, not now.

I curl up on my side, holding the sweatshirt to my face, as the tears fall from my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me to someplace else.

* * *

When I wake the next morning I don't feel anything. Numb. That's all I feel. My sweatshirt lays next to me on the bed. I reach for the shirt, bring it to my nose, and inhale. It's faint, but I can still smile Brittany.

I spend the morning hiding away from the world in my room. I do homework because I don't know what else to do. I'm stuck.

The homework does it's job. It's a distraction. It distracts me from my thoughts. It distracts me from the emptiness I feel inside. I don't know if I'm in shock or what, but I just can't feel anything today. I don't feel happy or sad or mad. I just am. I'm existing without feeling anything. It's a strange thing.

But then, the homework runs out. I groan and leave my room. I go to the bathroom. I see myself in the mirror. I look like shit. The band aid over my left eye covers the little cut there that bled like a sieve last night.

My dad tried to apologize to me through the bedroom door when he woke up mid-morning. I ignored him while he spoke. I heard his words though.

He's sitting in his recliner with Nancy sitting next to him when I walk into the living room. "I'm leaving." I mumble to them.

"Santana?" Nancy's concerned voice comes first.

"Where are you going?" My dad's comes second.

"I don't know. For a walk. I'll be back." I drone on. My hand is on the doorknob.

"Be safe, Santana." Nancy says.

I want to tell her about safe. I want to spit vicious, harsh words in their faces. Instead, I scoff and exit the house.

I've got the sweatshirt on that I wore yesterday. That's the only thing I know today. It's my thing. The only thing.

I didn't prepare for this journey. I just decided that I needed to leave the house for the afternoon. I don't have a specific destination in mind. My feet lead me along the way. I just walk, one foot in front of the other. I walk around my small neighborhood. Once I've traveled every street near my home I venture further away. It's getting cold. Not that the weather has changed, but because I'm not wearing a coat I'm getting cold. I walk and walk.

I stop eventually. I blink and my brain kicks in again. Go figure, I'd end up here. I look around. Everything looks the same as the last time I was here. It's peaceful. I feel warmer just standing here.

Without anything else to do and without anything else to lose, I ring the doorbell and wait.

I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know what's gonna happen when that door opens. I don't know who's going to open the door. Is anyone even home?

I wait. It feels like forever that I wait.

An older woman opens the door. Not old, early to mid forties, maybe. Blonde hair, tall, green eyes. I've seen this woman exactly one other time. When her eyes meet mine I have to look to my toes. I can't look at her. I can't hold the questioning stare that the woman is giving me.

I shouldn't be here. I turn to go but the woman yells and I stop. She doesn't yell at me. She yells backwards, into her house.

With my back to her, I hear feet on the stairs inside the house. They're urgent. "Yeah, mom. What's up?" That voice. It keeps me from walking away from this place.

"Santana?" That voice says my name. Hands grab my shoulders from behind. I'm being spun around. "What are you doing here?" There's concern in that voice. "Oh my god. What happened?" The voice asks when we are face to face. I can't look at her, but I know she can see.

"Brittany? What's going on?" The older woman's voice rings with alarm.

"Mom." She looks to the woman. "I'll tell you later."

"Okay." The older woman says skeptically. "If you need anything let me know." Brittany's mom retreats to somewhere in the house.

"I will." Brittany promises. She turns back to me. "Come inside." She tugs on my shoulders and step forward and follow Brittany into her house. "Are you alright?" Brittany asks me after she closes the front door. She searches my eyes. I can hardly look at her though. There's so much shame running through me. That numbness is still there, but it feels like it's fading and I can feel things again. Shame being the first thing I feel. I nod for Brittany. I'm alright.

Brittany scowls and searches my body. Even though I have clothes on, she's looking for other injuries. Anything visible. There's nothing though. Just the cut on my forehead. "What happened?" She asks again.

I just shake my head and look around us. There's no one in the room, but I can't. I can't tell her. Not here.

Brittany nods. She takes hold of my right hand, pulls me along, up the stairs, and into her bedroom. The private sanctuary eases me as soon as the door is closed.

Brittany sits on the bed next to me. She holds my right hand in both of hers. She asks once more. "What happened?"

I sigh and everything comes crashes down around me. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep everything inside. I can't keep lying to Brittany. I just- I can't- anymore.

"Last night. My dad was mad that I was out late and wasn't home yet. We were arguing and- and he slapped me. I lost my balance. It's my fault. I fell and my head hit the edge of the table on the way down." I tell her in dull monotone.

"Oh, Santana." Brittany squeezes my hand. "This can't keep happening."

"It doesn't usually happen. He's never done it on purpose. They're just accidents. It's just that I've been gone more and more. I haven't been home. I've been-" I can't finish that sentence. This isn't Brittany's fault. Brittany shouldn't take the blame of feel guilty for this.

"It shouldn't happen at all." Brittany says adamantly. She lets go of my hand and that's when I look at her. Brittany shifts on the mattress so that her body faces me. She takes my hand again. "This has to stop, Santana. Or I'm gonna call the police."

My head snaps back. "No!" The panic overcomes me. "You can't, Brittany. You can't." I start shaking my head. "You can't call the police. He's my dad."

"Santana-"

I cut her off. "I know you don't like him, but you can't call the police. Not now." I plead. This can't be happening. I shouldn't have come over to Brittany's house. It wasn't my intention. My feet just lead me here. I fidget in my spot, debating whether I should get up and leave or not.

"No. You're right. I don't really like him, but he shouldn't be hurting you." Brittany swallows hard. "No one should."

That's when the crying starts. "You can't call the police." I beg. "I'll get taken away. Or they'll throw him in jail. Or both." I sob. "That can't happen. We just moved here. He needs his job. We struggle as it is." It's all coming out. All of my secrets. "Brittany, I can't lose you." I collapse forward, sobbing.

Brittany catches me. She holds me up. She wraps her strong arms around me and hug me tight. "Okay. Shh. It's okay." Her hands rub my back as I sob into her shoulder.

It's not gonna be okay though. This is it. I hold her as tight as I can. My hands fist in her sweatshirt. I press as tight as possible to her. This is it. It's all gonna change now. This is it. This is what I didn't want to happen.

Brittany lets me cry for a long time. I don't know how long, but I'm exhausted afterwards. I just want to hold her for as long as I can before this comes to an end. I knew it was too good to be true.

After that long time, Brittany holds me arms length away. "I've been thinking while we've been sitting here." Here it goes. I can't even look at her. It's too much, too painful.

"Just tell me flat out." I mumble.

"What?" Brittany questions. "I don't know what you're saying Santana. I was thinking and I've decided that I- I don't-"

"Just say it." I urge. I manage a quick glance at Brittany, but all I see is confusion. Her and me both.

"I won't call the police." Brittany blurts.

"What?" I look up with wide eyes.

"I won't call the police, but only under one condition." She waits for me to say something, but I don't know where she I going with this so I don't say anything. Brittany continues. "If I can come over to your house- and see where you live- and meet your dad."

"What?" I ask if disbelief.

"I won't call the police. If I can come over to your house." She says firmly.

"No. I heard you. But- you're not. You're not. I don't- I don't understand." I stutter.

"What don't you understand?" Brittany asks gently.

"You're not breaking things off between us? You're not calling it quits on me? You- you're not gonna be here today and gone tomorrow?" I struggle with the words and thoughts. Everything's all messed up. I don't know what's real right now.

"No. Santana." Brittany moves her hands from my shoulders. She takes each one of my hands in hers. "I'm not abandoning you. I'm gonna anywhere. How could you think that?" She asks the question and then the answer flashes across her face. "I'm not your mom. I'm not gonna leave you all alone to handle this. I'm not gonna let you deal with this by yourself." She tells me earnestly. I don't know if I can really believe her though.

I'm scared. More scared than I think I've ever been. I'm scared to let Brittany see my life, to really see my life. I scared to let her in. I'm scared that she's not gonna like what she sees and changes her mind and ends up leaving anyway.

"How about next weekend?" I offer.

Brittany shakes her head. "No. It's today or nothing." It's an ultimatum. If I don't let her do this today she's gonna call the cops. I can't have that.

"Okay." I agree. I don't have any other choice. I wish I did. But, I don't.

"Do you trust me?" Brittany asks.

"Of course." I confirm. I trust Brittany more than anyone else.

"Then believe in that. Okay?" I nod. I can do that. "I'm gonna go downstairs and tell my mom what's going on." The panic comes back and my eyes go wide. "Don't worry. I won't tell her about everything. I'm just gonna tell her that I'll be done for a while with you."

"Oh, god, did I ruin your family day?" I'm such a dumbass.

"No. Don't worry about it, okay. There's another one next week." She grins. "You needed me and you did the right thing by coming here. Don't worry. Okay?" Brittany calms me. Her words. The way she speaks them. She's soft, calm, caring. She levels me out. "I'll be right back." Brittany leans forward. She presses a kiss to my cheek. Brittany stands and let's go of my hands "Don't run away on me." She jokes with a little smile.

I look up at her and smile a little for the first time since I was here yesterday. "I won't." I promise her.

"Good." Brittany winks.

* * *

**I know Santana's all over the place this chapter (especially in the beginning) but that's by design so no complaining. The stronger her emotions and feelings get the more confused and scared she gets.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

We are in the car. Brittany's mom's car to be specific. I'm absolutely terrified. My two worlds are about to collide and I can only see it ending one way. In disaster.

"Just follow my directions." I tell Brittany quietly.

"What?"

"Just do it, please." I glance to my left. Brittany looks at me with one eye, the other staying on the road. She takes a quick look and then nods. Both her eyes return to the road and Brittany sighs.

She doesn't say anything else as we drive but I know that her thoughts are probably moving at hyper speed. She's trying. She's trying so hard to put everything together.

"Turn right here." I point to the next road coming up on our right.

Brittany hums and turns the car in that direction.

"Turn right at the second road and then left at the first intersection." I inform Brittany of the directions with shame and embarrassment. This is not a proud moment for me. "My place is the second one on the left." I mumble as we approach our destination.

The street is lined with rectangular house after rectangular house. "Just pull up on the side of the road." There's not much of a driveway. It's just enough room for one vehicle. Nancy actually parks her car on the grass next to where my dad parks his truck. I look around the neighborhood, if you can call it that. There's nothing out of the ordinary. Next, I check for Brittany's reaction. There's a scowl on her face. That's better than I expected. I expected shock, wide eyes, her mouth hanging open. Disgust, even. But, Brittany's eyes crinkle and she looks like she's having a hard time comprehending the situation.

I never wanted Brittany to see where I lived. But, here we are. And there's no turning back now.

Brittany puts the car in park and turns to look at me. She attempts a smile. But I can tell it's fake and that hurts more than anything right now. I have to look away from her. "Are you ready?" She whispers. I want to laugh. I'm the one who should be asking her that. I nod instead.

Brittany unbuckles and starts to get out of the car. "Wait." I stop her. Brittany squints her eyes at me, waiting. "I have to tell you something before we go in."

"Okay." Her eyes search. Her hand finds one of mine.

I take a deep breath when Brittany squeezes my hand. This is too much. "Brittany, my dad- he's a drunk. He's probably drunk right now. If not, he's on his way there. And-" I stumble over my words. I'm trying my hardest not to cry again and it's barely working. "-and- my house- it's not like yours." I bow my head. "As you can now see. Brittany, I never wanted you to see it but -I'm basically trailer trash." I try to pull my hand away from Brittany's but she won't let me. I never wanted it to come to this. I never wanted Brittany to see who I actually am.

"It doesn't matter." Brittany's words shock me. "I don't care."

"What?" I snap my eyes to her.

"I like you for who you are, Santana. Not for where you live, or for how much money you have or don't have, or for who your dad is. None of that matters to me. You know what matters?" Brittany asks and I shake my head. "What matter's is you. Who you are. What matters to me is what's in here." Brittany points to my forehead. "And what's in here." She presses her palm to the left side of my chest. "You're my best friend, Santana. You're the best friend I never had. You are the best thing that's happened to me this year."

The tears are running down my face even before Brittany is finished. Her words are so sweet and genuine and they mean so much too me. "Thank you, Brittany." I sniffle. "God, I'm such a mess."

Brittany chuckles lightly. "I know this is tough for you. I can't imagine how tough, but I know it must be. We can sit here, in the car, for as long as you want. But, I'm ready to go in whenever you are."

"Okay. Just give me a minute to stop my blubbering." I tell her and use the hand that Brittany's not holding to wipe at my wet cheeks. Brittany helps. She swipes her thumb across my cheeks, wiping away the tears that are still falling.

We sit and wait. My tears stop after a couple of minutes and I calm down as much as I can. I'm still extremely nervous and scared about all of this. Brittany holds my hand and we look at each other. Brittany's eyes never leave me. That helps, probably the most. She tunes everything in her body to me and everything that's going on with me. She's amazing. She really is. I almost can't believe it.

"Okay. I'm ready." I tell her after a few quiet minutes.

"Okay."

"One more thing though." I lean forward and kiss her. Brittany takes a shocked breath in. I don't think she was expecting that. I don't think I was either. But I just had to kiss her. I have to let Brittany know that I appreciate her and her being here and everything that she's done for me. Especially if I can't say it with words.

"What was that for?" Brittany mumbles after the kiss. She pinches her lips between her index finger and thumb.

"For you just being, well, you." I tell her.

I slowly walk up to the door. Brittany walks by my side, her hand in mine. She squeezes my hand and gives me the strength I need. I look to her before I open the door. Brittany nods, letting me know that it will be alright.

I turn the knob and push the door open. I drop Brittany's hand. My dad's sitting in his recliner. The tv is on, there's a beer in his hand. "Hi, dad." I say in a small voice. He looks up from the tv. His eyes narrow when he sees me, probably because of the person standing next to me.

"Hi." He mumbles back. His eyes linger on Brittany. "Who's this? One of your new friends?" He, surprisingly, sounds genuinely interested.

"Yeah, dad. This is my good friend, Brittany." I side glance at her.

"Hi, Mr. Lopez." Brittany says and waves. "It's nice to meet you." She says politely. I know she doesn't like him and she putting forth her best front.

"Call me Diego, please. Mr. Lopez makes me feel old." He tells her and takes a drink of his beer.

"Do you know when Nancy will be home?" I ask him. I don't want to subject Brittany to too much of my dad. I wish Nancy were here and I could introduce her to Brittany too. Nancy knows more about Brittany than my dad and I feel it's only fitting for the two to meet.

My dad shakes his head. "She works til four today, I think."

"Okay, thanks. I'm gonna give Brittany a tour of the house, if that's okay?" I don't want to do anything without his approval. I don't want him to think I'm taking advantage because I have a friend with me.

"Yeah, fine." He waves it off and goes back to the football game on the tv.

I leave my dad in his chair and Brittany follows me. The tips of my ears burn. This is embarrassing as hell. The house isn't messy or anything like that. It's just not a nice place. And it puts me on edge. I bring Brittany into the kitchen. It's left of the door when you walk in. I show her the unimpressive kitchen are and then we go back into the living room where the door is, where we entered. After the living room is my dad and Nancy's bedroom. I don't show Brittany that. We continue down the short hallway passed their bedroom and next is the bathroom. I push the door open and let Brittany see how small it is. Finally, after the bathroom, at the end of the hallway is my bedroom.

"This is it." I tell Brittany and push the door open. Brittany steps inside and I shut the door behind us. She looks around the room. There's not much to see. The bed, dresser, night stand, and a pile of books in the corner. "It's not much, but this is my bedroom."

"I like it." Brittany smiles at me.

I roll my eyes. "Don't humor or pity me. I know it's not great." I slump down on the bed with a huff.

Brittany sits on the bed right next to me. "San, I'm not." She rests her hand on my thigh. "Yes, it's small. Yes, there's not a lot. But, it's you. The room has a feeling of you. You've made it your own. So believe me when I say I like it."

I nod. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" Brittany asks.

"For being- the way I am today. Moody and weird and all over the place." I try to explain.

"You don't have to apologize for that. You're having a bad day. You didn't do anything wrong. Not to me, at least. Santana, I told you before, I'm in this with you. I'll be there for you. As long as you let me, I'll be there." She whispers the last part.

"Thank you, Britt. I don't know what to do. I just know that something needs to change. I don't want the police involved. Do you know what happens if that happens?"

Brittany shakes her head. "No. Not really."

"Well, it depends, but because I'm not eighteen yet they could come and take me out of this house. I don't want that. I'm so close. I don't know where I would end up. I don't have any family that would take me in so I would probably have to go into Foster Care. I could end up anywhere. I don't want that. I can't do that. Not at this point. I'm so close. Only a few more months and I'll be an adult."

"Oh." Brittany mumbles.

She might not have known all that when she thought of calling the police. But I did. I've known for a long time. Since I was little. Since my mom left. I knew what would happening to me if something happened to my dad.

"I didn't know all that." She looks at me with the saddest, sorriest look I think I've ever seen from her.

"I'm anxious and scared." I admit.

Brittany nods. "How can I help?"

"I never wanted you to get involved with all of this." I tell her.

Brittany gives me a tight-lipped smile. "Is that why you didn't want me to come over to your house? Is that why we always hang out at school, at my house, or out in public?"

"Yeah." I look away, ashamed.

"Hey." Brittany says softly. Her fingers find my jaw and she gently tilts my face until I'm looking at her. "I'm gonna kiss you now." She says resolutely. I nod and let Brittany kiss me. It's the most tender kiss we've shared. I can feel myself melting into the kiss, into Brittany. I wrap my arms around her and pull her down onto the bed with me.

I lay facing Brittany. Her fingers stroke over my cheek. Her blue eye are more of a grey-blue today. They're unsettled. I have my hands curled into fists up under my chin, my arms pulled to my chest. Brittany is a few inches away from me, in my bed. She's in _my_ bed. That's something that I never thought would happen. So much has happened in the last two days and I can't believe it. The good and the bad and Brittany has been there all along. I'm so thankful for her. She really is the greatest friend.

"It's not too terrible, is it?" I whisper out. I hope Brittany will understand what I'm asking and I won't have to explain further.

Brittany's brow furrows together. Her eyes search mine. "No. Not at all." Her words are kind, but I still have a hard time believing that Brittany is okay with everything I've shown her today. From my trailer park house, to my dad, to my tiny bedroom.

I take in a deep breath and close my eyes. Brittany moves across from me and then I feel her lips against my left eyelid first, and then the right one.

I don't know how long we are in my room, but there's a knock on the door. I sit up immediately. Brittany follows suit. "Come in."

"Santana, your dad said you had a visitor." Nancy looks between me and Brittany.

"Yeah, uh, Nancy this is my friend Brittany."

"Ah, Brittany." Nancy steps from the doorway and extends her hand.

"Hi." Brittany grins and shakes Nancy's hand.

"So, what brings you here today, Brittany."

"Oh, ya know." Brittany shrugs. She's a terrible liar. Well, she didn't lie. She just didn't come up with anything.

"I bumped into Brittany when I was out and asked if she wanted to come over for a few hours." I fill in. Hopefully it's a believable lie and Nancy won't question anything.

"Ah, right." Nancy raises her eyebrow. I know that look. She doesn't believe the story I gave her but she's not gonna question it.

"Yeah, but I told my mom I'd be home for supper." Brittany adds.

I didn't know that. Or is Brittany just bluffing.

"Okay. Well, it was nice to finally meet you Brittany." Nancy says.

My eyes widen. Nancy just threw me under the bus.

"Yeah, you too. I hope we see more of each other in the future." Brittany has a chipper smile on her lips. This girl doesn't miss a beat.

"I'll let you two alone now." Nancy chuckles and leaves the room.

The door shuts. "You told her about me?" Brittany's eyes sparkle when she turns to face me.

I shrug. "You weren't suppose to find out. I had Nancy drop me off at your house one day. I told her your name but that's it. I didn't know she would remember or bring it up now." I try to explain. It's not like I've been going on and on about Brittany. I just mentioned her once.

Brittany smiles, delighted. "I- you're so cute." Brittany stutters. I don't think that's what she meant to say or was going to say. She bites at her lip anxiously. I can see it in her eyes. There's something that she's holding back. She takes my chin between her thumb and index finger and tilts it up to meet hers when she presses her lips to mine. "I really do have to go home though."

"Okay." I say dumbly.

"Thank you for letting me come here today. And thank you for coming to my house in the first place." Brittany looks into my eyes. She looks and searches. She says so many things with her eyes. I read the words as if they were written on a page. _I'm glad you came to me and that you are safe. I thankful that I was able to be there for you. I'm grateful that I got to see where you live and meet your dad and Nancy._

I nod, getting Brittany's silent message. I swallow the funny feeling in my throat and chuckle nervously. "That wasn't planned. I left here and just started walking. That's where I ended up. But I'm glad I did." I try to explain my earlier actions but really there's no reason to. Brittany knows.

"Me too." Brittany rubs her thumb over my cheek while she still holds onto my chin. She leans in for one more kiss. I sigh into the kiss. I wish she didn't have to go. Now that she's here, I wish she didn't have to leave.

It's selfish, I know. And I know she should be at home. It's the day she gets to spend with her family. Her family, that never seems to be home, except on Sunday's. She should be there and not here worrying about my problems with me.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Brittany says then licks her lips.

"Yeah." I nod and bite my lip. "I can walk you out."

"I'd like that very much." Brittany grins goofily.

I walk Brittany all the way to her car. I even steal a kiss from her before she gets in. I run back to the door and wave as Brittany starts the car and drives away.

Today has been terrible but there was one bright spot. Brittany. She will always be the bright spot no matter what I come across. I couldn't be happier that she is my best friend.

* * *

Monday morning Brittany shows up at my locker first thing. I know she's got Cheerios practice that she is skipping to be here. I'm really glad to see her though.

"I've got something for you." Brittany pulls her backpack off her shoulders and starts rummaging through it.

"What is it?" I ask, all excited. I can't help it. Brittany wants to give me something.

"Here." She holds out a cell phone towards me.

"What's this?" I ask, feeling confused.

"What does it look like, silly?" Brittany grins at me.

"I know what it is. I mean-" I trail off. I'm not sure what I mean. What this mean? What does Brittany mean? Why is she holding a cell phone towards me?

Brittany takes a deep breath. "Okay, so this is a prepaid phone. It has minutes on it. You can text and talk." Brittany explains quickly. She takes hurried, short breathes in between her sentences. She's nervous. "It has my cell phone number in it. It's your's."

I check Brittany's face to make sure she's not joking. She's not. "Brittany, I can't accept this." I protest. I don't know what this is about but I can't accept a phone from Brittany.

"Look." Brittany sighs. "This is what I can do. To help- ya know. If you need me or anything all you have to do is call. I'm just gonna be a phone call away. Please. This- it will make me feel better. I don't like the idea of you not having a way to call or contact me." Brittany pleads with me.

I nod to her. I understand what she's doing. And it makes my insides melt. Brittany's so sweet and caring. She's worried about me and this is the way she thought to help.

"Thank you, Br-"

"There you are, Brittany." Quinn comes stomping up to us. "You missed the Monday morning Cheerios meeting." Quinn scowls at Brittany. "Again." She grunts.

Brittany stares at Quinn for a few seconds. "I- uh-" She drops the phone, that she's still holding between us, to her side. "I had super secret undercover business to attend to. Can't you just tell me what was discussed?"

Quinn eyes me before her eyes shift back to Brittany. "I will but- that's not the point. You can't keep missing meetings." Quinn scolds.

"It won't happen again. I'm sorry." Brittany tells her.

I surprised at how well Brittany stands her ground. She doesn't let Quinn push her around when it seems like Quinn pushes everyone else around.

Quinn directs her attention to me. "Good morning, Santana."

"Morning." I say back. I wouldn't say that Quinn and I are exactly friends but we know each other and have Glee together so I guess in a way we are friend. A part of a team, at the very least.

"I'll see you second period, Brittany." Quinn says and abruptly leaves.

Brittany smiles at me. In a weird, creepy way. "What?" I ask.

"Quinn likes you." She grins.

"What?" I squawk. "She was probably just being polite." I don't believe it. I can't.

"No. I know Quinn." Brittany emphasizes. "She doesn't just hello or good morning to anyone. If she doesn't like someone she'll ignore them or make fun of them. At the very least, you're okay in Quinn's book." Brittany smiles smugly.

The bell rings. "Oops." Brittany giggles. She holds the phone out to me. "We're gonna be late for class." She wiggles the phone back and forth. I take it warily. It's just a phone, it's not like it's gonna bite me or something. "See ya later." Brittany yells as she runs off. I smile and shake my head at her.

I shove the phone in my pocket and walk to class. Hopefully, I won't get into trouble for being late. My World History teacher is fairly laidback so there's a chance it won't be a big deal.

* * *

When I walk into the choir room, Rachel is standing at the front of the room writing something on the white board. I look around and everyone is talking. I spot Brittany in the back row. She smiles at me and pats the chair to her left. I hurry over and claim the seat.

"I investigated the phone at lunch." I inform her. Brittany's eyes light up happily. "I have a few question though. I've never had a cell phone before."

"You're in luck." Brittany smirks and nudges me with her elbow. "I might know a thing or two about your new phone."

I roll my eyes at her. She's such a dork sometimes, but she's a cute dork.

Rachel Berry starts addressing the class when the bell rings. "Mr. Shue isn't here today. He went home sick after fourth period. I will be walking us through class today."

"Oh, hell no!" Mercedes protests.

The group grumbles in unison about Rachel taking charge of the class. I watch in awe as the whole thing unfolds. It's just falls short of a revolt. I half expect kids to start walking out. I look to Brittany for what to do. She shrugs and holds out her pinky finger for me to take. I do so with a happy smile.

Brittany and I sit in the back of class while Rachel tries to orchestrate some form of a lesson. Most everyone in the class doesn't pay her any attention. Little conversation are taking place all over the room. Puck and Finn and Mike are playing cards. Quinn is reading a book.

And Brittany whispers silly things in my ear every few seconds which leads to giggling and laughing. I don't think I've ever laughed so much as when I'm around Brittany.

I don't know how we don't have a substitute. Maybe the school couldn't find one or maybe no body wanted to do it. But, what I think is more likely is that Rachel had something to do with us not having a proper substitute teacher for the period.

Brittany and I link pinky's all period, through the hallways after Glee, and into our American Lit class. She only lets go of my pinky when she has to sit in the desk behind mine.

After American Lit Brittany walks me to my locker, as usual. The day as a whole went pretty well. After the disastrous and emotional weekend, it was nice to have a normal boring school day.

"Now that we've got things squared away with your new phone." Brittany starts. She leans in close to my ear. "Call me tonight." She whispers. Brittany takes a step back and winks at me.

My heartbeat picks up in my chest. "O-kay." I stutter.

Brittany smiles at my little slip up. "I can't wait." She starts backing away from me slowly. Brittany walks backwards and grinning all the way. She gets to the crossing in the hallway and winks once more before disappearing down the other hallway.

* * *

I start on my homework as soon as I get home. The whole time I'm trying to think of the perfect time to call Brittany. She showed me how to work my phone during Glee. It's not very difficult and I'm a fast learner. All I need is to be able to call or text her. She showed me how to do each.

Brittany has Cheerios practice after school. She's mentioned that it usually lasts an hour and a half to two hours. Then she probably goes home and has dinner and maybe takes a shower. I really don't know. I'm just guessing. I should have asked her what time to call. It's agonizing. The waiting. The wondering.

I decide to wait one hour after supper to call Brittany. I feel like that is my best opportunity to catch her when she's not busy. I don't want to interrupt anything she might be doing.

The phone rings and rings in my ear as I wait for Brittany to answer. Maybe she's busy. What if it goes to voicemail? Should I leave a message?

"Hello."

"Brittany?" I ask nervously.

"Yeah." She chuckles. "Who else do you think would answer my phone, silly?"

"Uh-I don't know." I mumble and pause awkwardly. What am I suppose to say now? "Sooo- you told me to call you- and I am." Why am I so nervous?

Brittany laughs. "Yes, you are. So-" Brittany clears her throat. "-how's it going? Get all your homework done?"

I smile. "Yes, mom." I can laugh a little.

"Hey!" Brittany shouts. "I know how you are about your homework." She teases.

"It's done for today." I grumble. I know I'm particular about my homework but I still don't like being teased about it. "How was practice?"

"Same old BS. I don't wanna talk about that though."

"What do you want to talk about then?"

"How 'bout the upcoming weekend? It's the last football game of the season on Friday night."

I smirk. I can see where this is going. "And let me guess you want me to come? And then get pizza afterwards."

"I was hoping." Brittany says softly.

"Well-"

"Well, what?" Brittany asks, anxiously waiting for my answer. But, she has to actually ask first.

"Well, are you gonna ask me or-" I smirk even though Brittany can't see it. I bite at my lip waiting for her reply.

"Santana Lopez, will you come to the football game with me and then after will you come with to get pizza?"

"Wait. Don't you have to cheerlead?"

"Just answer the question." Brittany huffs.

"Of course I will, Britt." I say with a smile.

She sighs. "Good. And yes I have my cheerleading duties. But, I'll be there. And you'll be there. And afterwards we will go for pizza and then come back here and-" Brittany groans at her own slip up.

"What? That wasn't a part of the plan." I ask. I'm surprised at the new revelation. If I knew Brittany wanted me to go to her house after the game maybe my answer would have been different.

"I guess I forgot to mention that." Brittany chuckles innocently through the phone and it's one of the best sounds in the world. "Well, I wanted you to stay overnight at my house on Friday. Please say you will."

"Yes." I grin. Who am I kidding? I would have agreed to Brittany's plan right away.

"Sweet." Brittany says excitedly. I can imagine her doing a fist pump along with it. "I just wanted to check in with you tonight. And I wanted you to get a chance to use your phone. I hope that's alright?"

"It's more than fine, Brittany." She really didn't have to get a phone for me. She really shouldn't have. It's more than I could ever ask from her. I didn't ask though. Brittany got me a phone and she refused to let me do anything but accept it.

"Okay, if you need or want anything just call me. Anytime. Anywhere. It doesn't matter."

"You're the sweetest, Britt. Thanks."

"Don't thank me. I did this for selfish reasons." She admits to me. "I have to go shower but I will see you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye." I say.

"Bye, Santana." Brittany purrs into the phone.

I put the phone down on the bed next to me and close my eyes. Brittany does things to me and I don't want to stay away from her if I don't have to. If she wants me to stay over every weekend until the end of the school year, I will. I don't want to fight it anymore. I'm drawn to Brittany in more ways than one. There are just some things about her that have me captivated.

I always feel great whenever I'm around her. We always have fun together even if we are doing something mundane. She makes me feel. I feel things I've never felt before. It was scary at first, but now, I'm starting to accept it.

I don't know what's gonna happen between us in the future, but I'm not going to put a stop to whatever happens. I'm just going to feel it and live it. It's about time that I focus on other things than just school. I need to do what makes me happy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Rating M: for sexual situations**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

My dad's a good guy. He really is. Especially when he's not drinking. When he's not drinking he's a great guy. He's a good dad. I'm grateful for him. And I love him. He's a good dad. He stepped up and took care of me. He did what he needed to do to put a roof over my head. He had a job. It my not have paid well, but he had a job that would allow him to be home when I got home from school. He made sure I had clothes and supplies for school. I had what I needed when I was a kid.

I'm grateful that he did all of this and that he took responsibility for me. It's more than my mom did. She up and left and he could have too. He could have decided that he didn't want to raise me but himself and gotten rid of me. He could have up and left too, but he didn't. He did what he had to and for that I am thankful and for that I love him.

Sure, he has his issues. He's a drunk. I don't know why that is but he is. Maybe it was the pressure. Maybe it was because my mom left. Maybe that's why my mom left. I don't know. I don't want to know. He's got demons or regrets or something that drives him to drink. I wish he didn't drink but he does and there's not much I can do about it.

He's not a mean drunk but he does get upset easier when he's drunk. That's where I have to be careful. My dad gets upset easier and forgets thing more easily when he's drunk. It's never really been a problem in the past. But when I started leaving the house it became a problem. He would forget that I was gone and then become upset when I came back. This has only happened in the last two months. Usually, I know to stay out of his way when he's drunk, but my recent injuries suggest otherwise.

I don't want to make excuses for him but that's the why it is. It's not the perfect life. It's not ideal. But it's the life I have.

And it's that life that Brittany has accepted. Miraculously.

"Bye, dad. Remember I won't be home tonight. I'm staying over at Brittany's. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I remember Santana." I shakes his head and smiles at me. "Have a good time."

"I'm sure I will." I tell him and adjust the strap of my overnight bag on my shoulder. "See ya."

"Bye." My dad mumbles.

I walk out the door and Brittany is waiting for me in her car. She insisted that she pick me up so that I could leave my overnight bag in her car and then I wouldn't have to bring my dad's truck. That way we wouldn't have to travel in two vehicles. I think secretly it was just her way for coming to my neighborhood and having a look at things. Picking me up was almost secondary.

"Hey, Britt." I greet when I open the front door. "Long time no see."

"Funny." She grins and leans over for a kiss as soon as I am sitting in the passenger's seat. It's a quick peck of her lips to mine.

Brittany sits back in her seat and puts the car into drive. I put my bag in the back seat where it will rest for the next few hours. The plan is for us to go to the school and for Brittany to get ready with the other cheerleaders. I'll wait in the back of the locker room for them and then when they go out to the football field I'll go out to get a seat in the bleachers.

I reach for Brittany's right hand as we drive the streets of Lima. She smiles as I intertwine our fingers and rest our conjoined hands on my left thigh.

The week has been great. Normal. Thanks to Brittany. When she found out about _everything_ on Sunday she could have walked away from it. She could have walked away without a care in the world. But she does care. Sometime's I think too much.

But she didn't.

Brittany could have treated me differently after she found out. She could have turned her nose up at me but she didn't. Brittany treats me exactly the same as she did before she knew about any of the things in my life that I didn't want her to know about. She didn't treat me any differently and that's the greatest thing. She's been able to help me keep everything normal.

The only thing that's different is that every night this week we've talked on the phone for a little while. That's something that I didn't know I would enjoy so much but I do. Every night before I go to bed I get to hear Brittany's voice for a little bit. Even though I'm not with her when we're on the phone I still feel like we're in the same room. It's a new part of our daily routine that I love.

"Thank you." I blurt out, interrupting the silence in the car.

"Hmm?" Brittany glances sideways at me.

I rub my thumb over the back of her hand. "Thank you for making this week okay. Thank you for being there. Thank you, Brittany. I don't know where I would be without you. Probably moping around miserably. I was unsure, at first, but the cell phone was a great idea. This week has been more normal than I could have thought. Thank you. I was a damn hot mess on Sunday, but somehow I've survived. I've survived and you're part of the reason why. So thank you." I lift her hand to my lips and kiss the back of it.

"I just did what I thought needed to be done- but you're welcome. I just want you to be safe and comfortable." Brittany smiles at me quickly and looks back to the road in front of her.

I stare at the side of Brittany's face as we get closer to school. I really, really have the urge to kiss her right now. She's so great. I can't believe how great. I keep stroking over the soft skin of her hand with my thumb. I grip Brittany's wrist with my other hand. I just want to be a close to her as possible. I wish there wasn't a football game tonight and we could just go to Brittany's house and I could lay with her in bed.

"We're here." Brittany announces when we pull into the high school parking lot.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I tease.

Brittany turns to me and sticks out her tongue. "I'll see you later." She says to me and presses a kiss to my cheek.

It's like our goodbye saying. 'I'll see you later.' Is better than saying goodbye in any other way. It's our thing.

* * *

"Santana, over here." Someone yells my name.

I look around and spot Rachel Berry waving at me. I roll my eyes. Great. Just what I wanted. Rachel's a bit too high maintenance for my liking.

"Santana." She yells again.

I walk toward the small brunette. This is gonna be a long night.

Rachel jumps up and down on the bench of the bleachers until I get within a few feet of her. "I'm so excited. We can sit next to each other during the game." Rachel squeals.

"Yeah." I mumble and sit next to Brittany. The cheerleaders have already started the cheerleading routines by the time I sit down. I watch with alert, attentive eyes. The cheerleaders do there thing while the football teams warm up but I couldn't give two hoots about the football teams.

It's a cold fall night. I've got my winter jacket on, a sweatshirt, a long-sleeved shirt and a t-shirt. A winter hat and gloves too. Hopefully, that's enough to keep me from freezing my ass off.

"I'm so excited for the game." Rachel rambles from my side. "This is Finn's last game. There are scouts here from colleges to see him play. I hope he has a good game. If so he can get into a good college. I'm so proud of him. This is a really big game for him."

I tune Rachel out. She just talks so much.

* * *

The pizza place is packed. The football team won and everyone is celebrating. It's the biggest win of the year, in the biggest game of the year. It's a really big deal in this town, I guess.

I'm sitting in the corner of the booth with Brittany sitting next to me. Next to her sits Quinn. I don't think these booths where made to fit three people per side but that's what's happening in just about every booth in the place. It's packed, and loud. Too loud to really have a conversation with Brittany, or anybody else. But, Brittany holds my hand under the table. I know she would like to be able to talk with me as much as I would like to talk to her. That's not a possibility without raising our voices or yelling.

I don't really like crowds but this is okay as long as I stay where I am.

The pizzas come and everyone eats. After two slices Brittany gives me a look and nods her head to the side. I smile and nod up and down. She says something to Quinn and Quinn gets out of the booth. Brittany slides out next and I follow her.

"That was pure chaos." I say once we get outside into the night.

"It was. If we were in there any longer I was gonna get a headache."

"Yeah." I agree. "I don't really like big crowds."

"I didn't know that." Brittany looks surprised.

I shrug. "It's not a big thing."

Brittany unlocks the car and we both get in. "Let's go home." She says starting up the car.

My eyes pop out. What did she just say? I'm sure she didn't mean it like that. I'm sure Brittany meant 'let's go back to my house' cuz certainly it's not my home too. I panic internally until Brittany takes my hand in her own after backing out of the parking space.

There's lights on in Brittany's house when we pull in the driveway. "Are your parents home?"

"I don't know. Let's find out." Brittany smirks.

The walk to the front door is short. Brittany puts her keys in the door, unlocks it, and pushes it open. "Mom? Dad?" She calls into the house but doesn't get a reply. "We always leave the lights in the living room on when we are gonna be gone in the evening. Something about burglars. Looks like we've got the place all to ourselves for a while." Brittany winks. "I'm gonna get a glass of water. Would you like one?"

"No. I'm good. Thanks."

"Okay. I'll meet you upstairs?" She raises her eyebrows in question.

"Sure." I nod.

Brittany goes to the kitchen and head up the stairs. I make a pit stop at the bathroom and change into my pajamas before going to Brittany's bedroom.

"Oh." I mumble and look down at the floor. The first thing I see when I enter the bedroom is Brittany pulling a t-shirt over her naked chest. I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting her to be in the bedroom already.

"Come here."

I look up and Brittany has her shirt on all the way. She's taken her hair out of into ponytail and is in pajamas. She's holding her arm out for me to take her hand. I shut the door and drop my overnight bag next to it. I take a tentative step towards her, then another. Something feels different about this. I reach out my left hand and Brittany connects our fingers and pulls my body to hers.

"Hey." Brittany whispers. Her fingertips dance at the small of my back, underneath my sleep shirt. Her eyes roam my face. Searching.

"Britt?" I'm not sure what the question is but I have one.

"It's okay." She whispers calmly.

Brittany walks us backwards slowly. She takes a step back and I take a step forward until we are at the edge of her bed. A little smile appears on Brittany's face, a little twinkle in her eyes. She spins us around and let's go of her hold on me. I fall backwards onto the bed.

I sit there with my hands on either side of my thighs, palms pressing into the bed. Brittany stands above me. I can't look away from her as she stares down at me. She licks her lips.

"Santana?"

"Yeah?"

"I-" That's all Brittany can say. Her lips are on mine in the next instant. My hands tangle in her hair. She nudges me backwards with a palm to my shoulder. I fall onto my back on the bed. Brittany crawls on top of me. Her legs straddle my hips. My fingers dance down the back of Brittany's neck, down her back, and root into spot at her hips.

Brittany's tongue flicks at the corner of my mouth and I open for her entrance. She moans into my mouth when our tongues tangle together. I squeeze at her hips at the sensation. Kissing Brittany is always great.

The kissing continues for a while. Brittany's lips explore my skin, traveling to my ear and then my neck. I pant hurried breathes as Brittany sucks and licks at where my pulse beats under my skin. My hands reaching up under her shirt caressing the soft skin of her back and caressing her ribs.

She sits up, her hair messy, her lips swollen, that twinkle in her eyes deeper, more intense. I watch her hands as they reach for the bottom of her shirt and she pulls it over her head. Brittany smiles weakly, waiting for my response. I lock eyes with her, my fingers dance over her skin, ribs abs. I place my palms flat against Brittany's ribcage directly below her breasts. She takes in a deep breath when my fingers bump up against the underside of her breasts. Brittany's eyes dance around my face. She's trying to tell me something. She nods and her eyes fix on my chest.

_Oh. _

I sit up, first on my elbow, and then all the way so that Brittany's body and mine are only inches away from each other. She sits in my lap. Brittany's hand reach for the bottom of my shirt. I reach down to and put my hands on top of her. I nod and the shirt is lifted to reveal a sports bra that I'm wearing underneath. Brittany's eyes crinkle together, in disappointment, maybe. As her eyes reach mine again she pouts. She's so adorable when she does that. I kiss the pout right off her face. I deepen the kiss and it has Brittany squirming for more. But I push her back and her brow furrows.

"Tease." She mumbles playfully.

I raise an eyebrow. My fingers find the article of clothing that's still covering my chest and pull it off. Brittany takes in my chest in awe. Her mouth falls open, her eyes fervent.

The attention Brittany focuses on me gets to be to much and grab her and pull her to me. Maybe that isn't the best idea. Our chests bump and rub together and gasps come from both of us.

Brittany pushes me back onto the bed. Her hands are everywhere on my skin. Her lips too. When she fumbles with my sweatpants the realization hits me what is actually going on here. I disconnect from our kiss and reattach my lips to Brittany's neck. Her focus is lower though. Brittany's hand has found it way into my sweatpants, it slips inside my underwear. My hips wiggle and struggle for more as Brittany rubs against me with her fingers.

Brittany leans back and my lips pop off of the spot I was sucking just below her ear. She shimmies out of her pajama pants and then tugs my sweatpants off with the hungriest look in her eyes. Brittany licks at her lips and checks me. Her eyes find mine before resituating herself over me. She makes sure I'm okay with this. I nod and Brittany straddles my right leg.

"Britt." I moan her name. I've lost all control. Brittany's the one in control here. I find myself perfectly fine with that. I lay on Brittany's bed with Brittany over me. Her lips working over the skin of my chest. Her fingers inside the material of my underwear working over the sensitive spots between my legs. My hands find purchases at Brittany's waist and I pull her closer. Brittany starts rubbing herself against my thigh. I can feel the moisture from Brittany's juices coating my skin through her thin underwear. I moan. It's almost too much.

I try to help Brittany, pulling her down against my leg as she grinds. Her fingers work magic on me. Brittany swipes her thumb over that sensitive bundle of nerves and my hips buck up into her.

"Ahh, Britt." I moan. Just need a little more.

She works. Doubling her pace. It doesn't take much more than that. I squint my eyes shut, clench my jaw tight, and arch my back off the bed as my orgasm hit me.

Brittany grinds furiously down on my leg, gasps loudly, and throws her head back shortly after. Pressing down against my thigh and slowing her hips to a casual roll as she rides out her orgasm.

I'm searching for normal breath, watching Brittany as she comes down. My hands stay firmly planted on her hips until her head rolls forward lazily and she opens her eyes. They're heavy and sated. Brittany smirks. I bite my lip and reach for the back of Brittany's neck and pull her to me.

Her lips crash into mine in a bruising kiss. All sloppy lips and teeth. We separate gasping for much needed air. Brittany lays half on top of me, propping herself up a little with one elbow. My hands stroke up and down her back gentle.

Brittany tucks my hair behind my ear and inhales big. "I think I love you." She stares into my eyes, a pleased smile graces her face.

I try not to react. But…

What did Brittany just say? This isn't real? This can't be real? This isn't happening? This is all just a dream. The perfect first time sex, the perfect blonde beauty above me. The words she just spoke. It's all just a dream.

"Hey?" Brittany voices. Her fingers pet over my hair at my forehead.

"What?" It's not a dream. And I'm freaking out.

"I just-" Brittany starts but bites her lip. She sighs and rolls her eyes. "I don't know. Nevermind." She leans in a presses her lips to mine. "It's getting late. I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick but I'll be right back."

Brittany pushes away from me and gathers up her clothes that are laying on the bed and floor. She gets to the bedroom door, stops, looks over her shoulder and winks at me.

I close my eyes with a sigh when Brittany leaves the room. Everything was so great, but now, I'm freaking out internally. Everything spins in my head. One thought won't stay for more than a few seconds.

I quickly find my shirt and pull it over my head and then find my sweatpants. I get into Brittany's bed. Under the covers with my head on the pillow, I look up at the ceiling.

Brittany comes back into the bedroom after a couple of minutes. She's pulled her hair into a ponytail. Brittany crosses the room and climbs into bed next to me. She scoots close on her side and lays her head on my chest, her arm across my stomach. I grab onto her wrist with my hand just to hold onto something. We lay in silence for a long time. Me thinking and I don't know about Brittany. She traces shapes onto my shirt with her index finger. When the shapes stop I think maybe she's fallen asleep.

"Britt?" I whisper.

"You're really quiet. Are you okay?" Brittany's voice cracks a little. I can hear the worry in it.

"Yeah. I'm good." I tell her but I don't know if that's the case. Am I okay? Am I good? I don't know. Brittany sort of, kind of said I love you and I didn't say anything back. Either positive or negative. Should I have? Should I have said something or stayed silent like I did? Does she really love me? How can she? I don't understand. Sex complicates things but this is far more than complicated. I don't want to use Brittany or hurt her. But what do I want?

"Get some sleep, Britt-Britt." I tell her and kiss the top of her head.

Brittany hums and snuggles closer into me. It doesn't take Brittany long to fall asleep.

I, however, can't sleep. My thoughts swirl but keep coming back to one thing. Am I in love with Brittany? A part of my brain tells me the answer to that question is yes. The other part is too scared to even thing about it. Either way I'd be too terrified to admit it. What's it going to lead to? In the end only heartbreak and disappointment. I'll be leaving for college in six or seven months. What's the point? Why begin something or feel a certain way when it's just gonna end? It's better for myself that way, but more importantly, it's better for Brittany.

* * *

A bright light wakes me up in the morning. I look around. The bed is empty. The curtains are open letting the sunlight in. Brittany stands next to the window in jeans and a WMHS sweatshirt with a tray in her hand.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"I made you breakfast, sleepyhead." Brittany beams.

"Oh." I mumble and look around the room again.

Brittany walks the few steps over to the bed and sets the tray down. "And now it's in bed."

I smile at Brittany's cuteness. "Come here." I can't help myself. I reach for her cheeks and pull her to my face. I kiss over her top lip first before kissing around her bottom lip too. "Mmm. You taste like syrup."

Brittany giggles into another kiss. "I may have gotten extra hungry while making them and eaten one already." She grins, guilty.

"What are _them_?" I ask goofily.

"Waffles." She bites her bottom lip.

I look around Brittany to the tray to see, in fact, that there are a stack of waffles on a plate on the tray with two glasses of orange juice next to them.

"They look delicious." I tell her with another kiss. I can't get enough of Brittany. "Yeah, Britt. Let's eat."

Brittany sits opposite me. We face each other with the plate of waffles in between us. Brittany insists on controlling the fork. Which means she cuts the waffles, stabs them with the fork, makes sure there's some syrup on them, and then feeds them to me. I get a forkful and then she gets a forkful and back and forth like that until they are gone. It takes longer than it should to eat four waffles between us but when we stop to trade kisses in addition to our waffles it takes a while. The syrupy goodness is too good to resist. And when she dribbles a little syrup on my chin and uses her thumb to wipe it up, I end up sucking her thumb into my mouth licking the syrup from it.

"Thank you for breakfast, Brittany." I mention shyly when the food and orange juice is all gone.

Brittany grins happily. "You're welcome, Santana." She bops me on the nose with her finger and I smile at her, happy too.

* * *

It's Sunday afternoon. I have all of my homework done and I'm waiting for a call from Brittany. Yesterday, before I left her house she told me she would call in the afternoon today.

So, I wait.

It's just before supper when my cell phone rings. I still can't believe I have a cell phone. It's a crappy one but I have one. I can't believe that Brittany got me a cell phone. Like, that thought is overwhelming, just by itself. That she put in her own time and effort and money to get a phone, for me, so I can talk to her whenever, wherever.

It's 4:43 when the phone rings. I let it rings twice before I answer. I don't want Brittany to think I'm just sitting here waiting for the phone to ring. But, that's actually the case.

"Hello."

"Hi, Santana. How's your day?"

I smile. She always asks how my day is. "Good. I got my homework all done. I even read ahead two chapters in Chemistry and World History."

Brittany chuckles. "That's my little overachiever."

"Hey!" I groan. She's not fair.

"Okay, okay. I'll behave. But only for you." Brittany tells me. I can't see her but I know she's grinning devilishly.

"What did you do today?" I ask her, hoping to get the topic off of me for a while.

"Not much. I slept in. For some reason or another I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before." My cheeks heat up with Brittany's words. "After that I had breakfast, then I took a shower, then I watched a movie with my sister. It was lunchtime and I helped my mom with the salad. After lunch I helped my dad organize the garage and now I'm talking to you."

"Wow." I laugh. "I didn't expect a play-by-play."

"You asked." Brittany counters.

"Fine." I roll my eyes. "What should we talk about then?"

"Hmm. World politics? Economics? The future? I don't know. What do you want to talk about? I just wanted to call and see how you were doing today. That's all." Brittany makes it sound so simple. Like talking on the phone to each other isn't a big deal. The thing is, I've never talked on the phone to anyone for more than a few minutes. I don't know how to hold a phone conversation. What do people talk about when they are on the phone for an hour or more at a time?

"Uh-" What am I suppose to say to that.

"How about we talk about what you want to do after high school?" She says.

Wow. I just didn't think Brittany wanted to know that. "Okay. Well, you know the reason I study so hard is so I can get into a good college and move away from here. It's not that I don't like Lima or Ohio. I just don't want to spend my whole life the way I've lived the first seventeen years or so. In a crappy trailer. In a crappy trailer park. I want something better from my life. Something better to strive towards. I want to rise above."

"I get that." Brittany comments. "What do you want to go to school for? Or don't you know yet?"

"I haven't decided yet. I have a few ideas of a major but I'll have to narrow it down to just one eventually. I have time though. What about you, Britt? Where do you want to go to college.?" I don't know much about Brittany's future aspirations.

"Oh, I don't know." I can imagine her shrugging. "I'm not sure if college is the right thing for me. I want to do something in life that will make a difference for others. I want to change life's. I want to do something important. Something to better the lives of others. I don't know what that would be though."

"Hmm." I hum into the phone. "Well, I'm sure you'll think of what it is." That's perfect for Brittany. She's caring and always willing to help. Well, at least she is with me. I don't know how she is with others but it can't be too far off from the Brittany that I know and see.

"Yeah. I gotta go Santana. My mom is bitching about dinner." Brittany says with a slight chuckle.

"Okay. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble." That's the last thing I want. For Brittany's mom to yell at her cuz she talking to me on the phone when she's suppose to be spending time with her family.

"I just wanted to call and check in. I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay? Have a good night."

"Okay, Britt. I will. See ya later." I smile happily into the phone.

"Bye, Santana." Brittany chirps.

"Bye." I hang up the phone with a sigh. I can't wait until today is over so I can get back to school tomorrow. Throwing the phone on the bed, I get up and go to the kitchen to see about supper.


	16. Chapter 16

**Here's the next installment. I appreciate the reviews and follows and favorites, etc. They help to keep me motivated. Though I haven't had a problem with that during this story. The only problem I have is finding the time. But, enough about that. Read on and enjoy!**

**Warning: For a violent and abusive situation near the end.**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

Brittany comes bouncing into our third period Chemistry class. She's got more energy than she usually does.

"Hi." Brittany greets with a bold smile. She falls into the chair next to me and leans to the side, her left hand coming out and wrapping around my wrist. "How's it going?" She giggles.

"Good, Britt." I smile back.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it." She releases my wrist and starts unpacking things from her backpack. I just watch her.

The class starts and Brittany is prepared. A piece of paper that she ripped out of a notebook before the bell even rang sits in front of her. A pen rests next to it. She taps me on the arm after a few minutes. I watch as she writes something on the paper with her pen and then slides it over to me with a confident smile.

'I missed you yesterday.' Is written on the first line of the paper.

I glance over at Brittany. She won't stop smiling at me.

I scribble something down. 'We talked on the phone tho.' I pass the paper back to her.

Brittany reads it and furrows her brow at me. She looks back down and starts writing. Brittany bites her lip between her teeth and sends the page back to me.

I look down. 'It wasn't enough.' My jaw drops open.

'Britt.' I write back and slide the paper to my right.

Brittany smiles smugly as she writes. When I get the paper back I can't believe what my eyes see. 'I really want to kiss you right now.' Brittany wrote.

'We're in class.' I write and send the paper back to Brittany with a raised eyebrow.

What she writes is short. I get the paper back quickly. 'So?'

I look over at her with wide eyes. Brittany just shrugs. She bites on the end of her pen and I shouldn't find it so sexy but I do and something tingles inside of me. I have to look away and write a response. 'I don't think so, Ms. Pierce.'

Brittany reads what a wrote and seems to have a response immediately. She slides the paper back and I get a chance to read what she wrote. 'Go on a date with me, Santana Lopez? (a proper date)' I smile down at the paper for a second before finding Brittany with my eyes. I smile my happiest smile for her and nod. Brittany's eyes light up and she smiles, excited. I turn back to the piece of paper and write on it. 'I'd love to.' I write in response to her question even though I just nodded that I would. I want it on paper. I send it back to Brittany and her smile only grows.

She writes something else. 'Friday night?' I see when I get the page back. 'Sure.' I write down and slide the paper back to Brittany. Brittany wiggles her eyebrows at me when she reads what I wrote. She doesn't go to write anything else. I wait a few seconds to see what Brittany's gonna do next. She sits back in her chair, with her arms crossed over her chest, looking at the front of the room. A satisfied smirk firmly in place on her face.

After watching her like that for a few minutes I look to the teacher and try to pay attention. I have no idea what Mr. Turner has talked about for the first few minutes of class. But, for the first time, maybe ever, I find myself not caring. I sit and listening, taking a few notes for the rest of class.

* * *

"In preparation for Sectional's, this week we will be doing duets." Mr. Schuester announces to the class with mixed reaction. I, immediately, look to Brittany. Who else would I do a duet with? She sits to my left and her eyes are on me as soon as mine are on her.

"Except-" Mr. Schue speaks over the commotion. "- I will be choosing your partners. No couples. Or friends or whatever." The crowd grumbles collectively. "Okay, enough, here's the list." He waves a piece of paper around in the air and then smacks it down on the piano. "Come see who your partner's are and then sit next to them and start thinking of song ideas."

I look to Brittany and she is pouting at the floor. I just want to kiss that sad pout off of her lips. I nudge her with my elbow to get her attention. Brittany's look over and I smile sympathetically. We're in the same boat. We'll be working with other people instead of, the preferable, each other. Brittany's pout turns into a smile. She gets out of her plastic chair. "I'll see you later." She mumbles glumly.

I wait and watch as Brittany's the first one to the piano. "Kurt." She says and the boys head pops up from where he sits. He pats the open seat next to him and Brittany goes over. Rachel checks the list next and announces that she is paired with Sam. A few more people check the list before I make my way there. When I look, I see Puck's name to the right of my name.

I turn around and look at the mohawked guy. "Puck." I say out loud. His attention snaps to me.

Puck smirks, cocky. "Get lost, Chang." He pushes Mike Chang out of the chair next to him before patting the seat. "Ms. Lopez." Rolls off of his tongue. "I must be the luckiest man on the planet."

"Doubtful." I grumble and sit down next to him.

"What are you talking about, New Girl? I'm very lucky. I have one of the sexiest girl in here as my partner."

I laugh. An out loud, from the belly, laugh. "You're funny. That's also doubtful." I consider myself very sexy in some ways. Sure, I look alright. I have good skin and features, but I don't dress sexy or very nice for that matter. My hair is either in a ponytail or hanging down over my shoulders. It's nothing fancy. I don't get expensive haircuts or treatments. Right now my hair's in a simple ponytail. That's not sexy.

"Uh-" Puck has a scared look in his eyes. Like he's not sure of who I am. Maybe he's not. Or it could be my hysterically laughter that scared him.

"Let's just work on the duet, alright? No more 'sexy' talk." I use air quotes around the word sexy.

* * *

Hump day. I hate that term but every Wednesday I hear it several times a day. Especially being at a high school with immature guys. The day is mostly over though. The school day has been done for about an hour now. I'm doing my homework in the library before I go home.

Brittany convinced me to stay at the school until she was done with Cheerios practice. Now that the football season is over they cheerlead for the basketball team. It's like a year round thing, that cheerleading.

Brittany's gonna give me a ride home after school. That's why I stayed. That and she asked me to. And I can't seem to say no to her.

At four-thirty I go to my locker and put back the books that I'm done with. Then, I walk down the hallway that leads to the gym and locker rooms. There's no one in the hallway's. It's almost like the school is deserted. Except, it's not. I start to hear voices the closer I get to the locker room. I'm a few feet away when the women's locker room door swings open and two cheerleaders come out.

I decide to wait outside the door for Brittany rather than go in. A number of girls stream out before Brittany walks out with Quinn.

"There you are."

"Yep." I smile.

"Good. I was gonna send I search party." Brittany giggles. "I didn't know if you were gonna come in the locker room or not."

"Not." I shrug.

"Anyway, Brittany, I was telling you about that boy I met at the mall last weekend. He's really cute and really sweet. He's name's Roger. Not the greatest name but I can work with that." Quinn starts talking, interrupting mine and Brittany's little meet up. She starts walking too. Brittany follows after her and I follow after Brittany. "Why don't you come to the mall anymore on the weekend. The other girls and I have missed you."

"Been busy." Brittany says nonchalantly.

"Right. So, I'm thinking of getting Roger to take me out of Friday night. What do you think?"

"Go ahead. If you like him and he seems to like you, why not?" Brittany tells her.

"What about you, Santana?" Quinn asks. I'm baffled that she would ask me for advice about her dating life.

"I agree with Brittany." I say for lack of something better to say.

"Okay, I think I'll do it." Quinn turns to Brittany and I who were walking a half-step behind her and to her left. "Thanks for the advice ladies. I'll see you both tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure. Bye, Quinn." Brittany says and waves.

Quinn spins around and exits the school through the front doors.

"What was that all about?" I ask as soon as the head cheerleader is gone.

"Didn't you hear?" Brittany chuckles. "Come on." She pushes the door open and steps outside. "Quinn's got a man she wants to date."

"Yeah, but why did she need to ask us about it?" I ask Brittany as we walk to her car. It's one of three left in the parking lot.

"I don't know. It's a girl thing, I guess. We all ask each other if we should date someone new. Some girl code or something. Or maybe it's just a cheerleading thing. I can't remember. It doesn't matter. She'll probably go on a couple of dates with _Roger_ and that will be it. Quinn will be on to trying to find the next perfect guy. She never seems to find him. Sometimes I feel bad for her."

"Wow." I murmur.

"I know." Brittany bumps her hip into mine. "Let's get you home before you turn into a pumpkin." She grins and holds the car door open for me.

I slip into the car. At first, I don't pick up on the reference. I buckle myself into my seat as Brittany walks around the front of the car. But I realize the reference is from Cinderella. Did Brittany just liken me to Cinderella? Does that mean she thinks I'm the hard working girl who doesn't get to go to the ball? Or something else? But, didn't the stagecoach turn back into a pumpkin. Am I a stagecoach? Or am I pumpkin? A princess?

Brittany gets in the car and her hand slips into mine and my thoughts are forgotten. "Ready?" She asks. She always asks.

"Yes." I nod.

Brittany takes her hand from mine to start the car, backs out of the parking space, and shifts into drive but her hand finds mine again as soon as it's free.

When we get to my house Brittany shuts off the car. "What are you doing?" I ask. She doesn't need to shut the car off. She's just dropping me off. I'll get out and Brittany can be on her way.

Brittany turns to me. Her hands folded together in her lap. "Can I come inside?" She looks nervous about it. Not about the coming inside but about asking in the first place.

"Brittany." I sigh.

"Please?" She whispers. "I'll just come in and say hi to your dad. Or go with you to your room and help you unpack your backpack. Or-" She's just making up excuses. I know why she wants to come inside. Brittany wants to make sure everything is okay with me, with my dad, with my house, my room. She wants to make sure everything is okay. Period.

"Okay." I tell her.

Brittany smiles faintly. She unbuckles and get out of the car. I follow her lead. Brittany meets me at the front of the car and holds out her hand for me to take. I do so, easily. Brittany walks me to the door. My dad's truck is in the driveway, I know he's home and the door's unlocked. I put my hand on the knob and take a deep breath. When I push the door open Brittany let's go of my hand. I step into the house and Brittany follows behind me.

"Dad?"

"Hey, Santana." He smiles. "Oh, and Brittany, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Lopez." Brittany says brightly.

My dad frowns and narrows his eyes at her. "I mean Diego." Brittany corrects.

"How are you, Brittany?" He asks and takes a drink of the beer that's in his right hand. He doesn't seem to be drunk yet, but my dad goes from being okay to drunk in what seems like seconds sometimes.

"Good. I've been busy with school and Cheerios and-and- stuff. But, I'm good. Really good." Brittany bounces up and down on her toes. I think that maybe a part of the reason she's 'really good' has to do with me and it makes me smile a little.

"That's great. And Santana's not causing too much trouble for you." It's his attempt at a joke.

"She's no trouble at all." Brittany says as her eyes find mine.

I've had enough of this though. My dad and Brittany don't need to get chummy or be friends or any crap like that. "We're going to my room, dad."

"Okay. It was nice seeing you, Brittany."

"You too, Diego." Brittany says from behind me as I walk down the hall to my room. I throw my backpack on the bed and spin around to look at Brittany.

She's shutting the door behind herself. Brittany turns towards me. "Santana, I-" I cut her off with my lips on hers. My hands go for Brittany's cheeks and I hold her face to mine, kissing her hard. Brittany wraps her arms gently around my waist and holds our bodies together.

"Wow." Brittany licks her lips after the kiss. "What was that all about?" She grins mischievously. "Not that I'm complaining."

I roll my eyes at her. "It's just been too long since I've kissed you." I rest my forehead against Brittany's. I don't really have a reason. I just felt like I needed to.

"Oh." Brittany smiles. "Okay." She says lazily. "But, you know I can't stay very long."

"I know." I sigh. I find myself not wanting Brittany to leave. First, I didn't really want her to come into house. But, now that she's in my room, I don't want her to leave.

"I just wanted to stop in real quick." Brittany goes on.

"I know." I say again.

"You sure do know a lot." Brittany laughs. I frown and take a step away from her. "Hey. Come back." Brittany whines when she sees me retreating.

"Not if you're gonna make fun of me." I mumble.

"I won't. Santana, I promise. Come here. Can I get another kiss before I leave?" Brittany smiles coyly. She sure has her ways. Her little ways to bending and breaking and getting me to do anything she asks.

I bite my lip and step back into Brittany's body. She runs her palms up and down my arms and leans in. I meet her halfway for a quick kiss.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Brittany tells me. She presses her lips to mine once more.

"Okay." I say sadly. I'm disappointed that Brittany has to leave, but I also know that she can't stay here for very long. She's probably got stuff to do.

I open the bedroom door for Brittany and we walk out to the living room in silence. My dad looks over as we enter. "Ah, Brittany. Why don't you stay for dinner?" My dad slurs together. He seems to be at least somewhat drunk now. We were only in my room for a few minutes. It's amazing how much his behavior has changed in that time.

"I can't Diego. I have to get home and have dinner with my little sister."

"Oh, you have a sister." My dad asks curiously. He tilts his head to the side and squints his eyes

"Yep, but maybe some other day I could have dinner with you and Santana." Brittany tells him. I furrow my brow. That's not gonna happen if I have anything to say about it. "I'll see you later, Diego." Brittany says to him and then turns to me. "I'll see you at school." Brittany reaches out and pokes my nose with her index finger. I wiggle it around and grin at Brittany. She smiles back and winks.

* * *

I'm waiting by the door for Brittany to pick me up. I keep checking my watch nervously. She was suppose to be here at six. I came home after school, took a shower, changed into some nice clothes, and then I waited. It's Friday. And time for our date. Our first official date. That Brittany has planned and prepared and I'm nervous. What if I mess it up somehow?

I see Brittany's car coming down the street and run out of the house. Brittany pulls up in front of where I live and I hop in the car as soon as it comes to a stop.

Brittany suggested that we go to a movie and then a nice dinner at a nice restaurant. But, I told Brittany that I didn't want that. If we sit in a dark movie theater I won't be able to see or talk to Brittany. I don't want a fancy dinner at a crowded restaurant on a Friday night either. I suggested that we just go to a little restaurant or diner and have a nice relaxing meal and nice conversation. I'm a simple girl, really. Plus, I don't want Brittany to be spending a ton of money on me.

Brittany drives to the outskirts of town and I know where we are going without her having to tell me. We pull into the diner that Nancy works at and Brittany looks over to me. "Is this alright?" She asks nervously.

I nod and reach for her right hand. I press a kiss to the back of it. "Yeah, Britt. This is perfect." I smile for her and her face lights up too.

We go into the diner and are seated. Nancy comes over to our booth. "Well, hello." She grins. "What brings you two here?"

"I- we- wanted to get something to eat- on a Friday evening." I stutter out. A spike of nervousness rises in my chest. Nancy can't find out that this is a date. Brittany smiles across from me. She sees me squirming and knows.

"I'll start with a glass of water, please." Brittany gets Nancy's attention. Most importantly takes Nancy's attention off of me. "I think I'll need time to look over the menu though." Brittany informs kindly.

"I'll have water too." I say dully.

"Okay, ladies. I'll be back in a few." Nancy smiles at me before she leaves. I watch as she walks away from our table, behind the main counter, and over to the drink machine.

"Hey." Brittany's hand wraps around mine on the top of the table and I jump in my seat. "It's okay." She rubs her thumb over my skin. "Relax."

"I just-" I breathe out a long sigh.

"We'll eat, and sit, and talk as long as you want. If you want to do something else we can do that. But that's what I was thinking. If you want to go somewhere-"

"No." I cut Brittany off. I need to stop freaking out all the time. I don't even know what I'm so freaked out about. It's not Brittany. The situation maybe. Whatever that means. It's just me and her getting something to eat. I don't know why I'm so on edge. The nerves, they're getting to me. The fact that this is a date raises the level of nerves and anxiousness in my body. Which is stupid because even though this is our first official date I've been on a number of 'dates' with Brittany before. Nothing's different, yet something is.

"Okay." Brittany squeezes my hand and I smile to her in thanks. I'm thankful that she cares. She cares so, so much. She lets go of my hand so she can open her menu and look for something to eat. I do the same.

* * *

Dinner at the diner went well. After we got our food I relaxed. I think part of my problem was that I was hungry. I was on edge and adding hunger to that was too much for me. Once I ate the evening went much better.

We ate and shared a desert. Nancy came by and chatted with us after desert. We stayed and Nancy gave us good service. She refilled our water glasses whenever they needed it. She joked and had fun with it all. I've never seen Nancy do her job but she's good at it. She's good with people.

The diner closed at ten and that's when Brittany and I left. That was only a few minutes ago. We are on the way back to my home and I know Nancy won't be too far behind. I want to spend a few minutes with Brittany in private before Nancy gets home though. Even if it's in Brittany's car.

"Thank you." I tell Brittany when she turns the last corner to my house. "For tonight." I raise our conjoined hands and kiss the back of hers.

"You're welcome. Was it good? The date?" Brittany asks with a little smirk. She knows it was good. She knows I enjoyed it even if we didn't do anything big or romantic or adventurous.

"Yes. Everything with you is always good. Great." I tell her honestly. It brings the most beautiful, peaceful smile to Brittany's face.

"I really like being around you too." She phrases it in a slightly different way but we are saying the same thing. That being around each other, spending time together, doing dumb stuff, just eating, or doing homework is always great. It's because of the presence of the other person. I thoroughly enjoy Brittany's company no matter what we are doing or what is happening around us. It's a feeling I've never had. To just want to be around someone to just be around them. For no other reason than that.

Brittany shut off the car in front of my house and turns in her seat to face me. "Good night, Santana." Brittany leans in for a goodnight kiss.

"Wait." I stop her.

"What?" Brittany's eyes grow big, worried.

"I just-" I don't know what it is that I want to say exactly. There's something inside me that I feel, I'm not sure what it is exactly, but I can't seem to put it into words. "-Nevermind." I wave it off.

"O-kay." Brittany says skeptically. I see that she's not sure whether she believes me or not. She wants to know more but doesn't want to ask for it.

I reach out for Brittany's cheek and pull her to me. Our lips connect in a sweet kiss. So sweet. So good. Brittany is the best kisser.

"Mmm, Britt." I mumble against her lips.

Brittany chuckles a little. "Santana." She tries to get my attention after the kiss but my eyes are closed and I'm off in my own little world wishing I could kiss Brittany forever. Kissing and doing other things. The image from last weekend pops into my head. It's something I've thought about many times in the last few days. The image of Brittany's naked flesh flashes through my mind at least once a day. The ways she touched me and the ways I touched her still linger on my skin. Her hot, passionate kisses seared into my lips like a permanent reminder of that night. Every time we kiss now I am taken back to that place.

"Britt, I-" I cut myself off before I say something silly. I lick my lips and open my eyes. Brittany is sitting there, patiently watching me, waiting. "Good night, Britt-Britt." I mumble.

"Good night." She says with a warm smile. Gosh, her smile is the greatest. Her smile, and her lips, and her kisses. They're all great.

"Text me when you get home." I tell her. She wants to know that I'm okay and safe and I want the same thing for her.

"Okay." Brittany smiles a little bit bigger.

"Okay." I lean in and press my lips to hers quickly before exiting the car and running up the three steps into my house.

The tv is on. Loud. My dad is slumped over in his chair. I slam the door shut and he jolts to life in his chair.

"Santana." He slurs.

Great. He's wasted. I was hoping he was just asleep in his chair. That's not the case though. I roll my eyes at his drunken state. "I was out with Brittany. Before you start asking questions." I'm not really in the mood to play twenty-one questions. I just had the best night and I want to just go to bed.

"Hey." He gets up. "I know where you were. What am I? A bad father? No. I know where my children are at all times."

"You're drunk dad. And unless there's something you're not telling me, I'm your only child."

"Yes. But, I know where you are. Where you were?" He slurs and steps towards me. My dad closes the gap between us, stumbling in the processes and holding onto the wall for support. "With that Brittany girl."

"Yeah, I just told you that." My voice raises in exasperation and step away from him.

"Hey." He yell-slurs. "Don't talk to me like that. I'm your father. I can say whatever I want." He lunges at me, but I duck away from him. I have the quicker reflexes. My dad stumbles passed me with a grunt. I turn around so that he is in front of me, not behind. I want to see whatever it is he's gonna do. My back presses into the kitchen counter.

My dad focuses his eyes on me when he gets his bearings about him. Well, as best as he can. He still looks shaky on his feet. I'm sure he can't see straight either. He's angry now. At what , I'm not sure. The fact that I just mouthed off to him, or the fact that I dodged his lunge and made him miss. He doesn't want to be taken as a fool, ever. He takes one step closer, than another. The look in his eyes scares me and I don't know what he's capable of. My dad has never come at my like this, intentionally. He looks me straight in the eyes.

"Don't disrespect me." I growls.

"I wasn't." I try to defend. It's not really a defense it's just something to get him to stop.

"You were." His eyes narrow and I see his hand the second before it swings at my face. I duck and my dad's hand hits me on the left ear. My hands come up to protect my head and face. "And I won't have any of it." He hits me again on the back of the head but it knocks him off of his balance and he falls into the counter before hitting the floor next to me. He groans at first but then everything in him goes limp.

I look around the room quickly, with the threat eliminated. This is my shot to get away from him and I step over his rag doll like body. I run. To my room. Grab my backpack and a sweatshirt and hurry out of the room, out of the house. Nancy will be home in mere minutes and I know she will find my dad passed out on the floor and take care of him.

I start walking and the further I get away from the house the more the tears start to fall. I don't want to cry. There are so many bad things in life. So many worse things than my dad getting drunk and angry and smacking me around a little. Crying seems like a stupid thing to do, but I can't stop myself.

I have a destination in mind but the more I walk the more I cry and the weaker I feel. When I get a few blocks away from my house I grab the phone out of my pocket with shaky hands and hit the number two button, then the call button.

It rings and rings before she finally picks up. "Hello."

"Can you meet me?" My voice cracks, it's weak too.

"Santana?" I hear the alarm in Brittany's voice. "Yes. Okay. Are you at home?"

"N-no." I say as the tears fall harder. "I left. Can you come get me?" I cry into the phone.

"Where are you?" I hear shuffling in the background as Brittany asks. Her voice is high and tight and full or worry.

"Walking." I say.

"Are you alright?" Brittany asks. I don't respond. What do I say? What can I say? "Santana!" Brittany's voice nearly yells into my ear.

"N-no." I stutter. "Come get me, Britt."

"I'm on my way. I just got in the car. I'm coming, Santana. Hold on." Brittany's words are rushed and panicked.

"Okay." I whimper back.

"Stay on the phone with me. Where are you?" Brittany asks again.

"I don't know. I'm walking."

"Alright. Alright. I'm coming, Santana. I'm coming." Brittany pants into the phone.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

A few minutes pass before a car pulls up to the curb. She flies out of the vehicles as soon as it's stopped. The engine doesn't even stop running, the car just stops moving. She runs at me. I take a step backwards, then another and put my hands out in front of me.

"Santana." She says my name. "It's me. I'm not gonna hurt you. I would never." Brittany pleads. Her voice breaks and so does my resistance. My arms drop to my sides and I hang my head. Brittany closes the distance between us and wraps me up protectively in her arms.

"Where are you hurt?" She asks into my ear. Her lips press to the spot immediately after her words. I shake my head. She doesn't understand. I thought she would but she doesn't. I'm not hurt physically. But mentally, emotionally. I'm in pain. I shake my head over and over until Brittany physically stops me by putting her hands on each of my cheeks and looking me right in the eyes. It's one of the those silent conversations with our eyes. I tell her that I'm okay physically and she accepts that information with a nod of the head. She pulls my face towards her and I curl into the spot below her chin. My cheek against her collarbone. The tears that won't stop falling soaking into Brittany's shirt.

Brittany cradles my head with one hand. The other remains firmly around my back. I try to get closer to Brittany, wrapping my fists in the front of her sweatshirt and pressing my face into her chest. Brittany slowly rocks back and forth. It's not until I need to take a step to get closer to her that I realize that she is backing away. Not backing away so much as trying to walk backwards toward the car.

At the car, Brittany pries me body away from hers. I try to pull her back to me but she holds onto my shoulders with locked elbows. "We're gonna get you in the car now." She explains calmly. "Okay?" I nod. Brittany opens the door and helps me into the front passengers seat. She leans over me, into the car, and I grab onto her shirt again and pull Brittany against myself. I bury my face into her neck, hiding underneath her blonde hair. She's buckling my seatbelt. I hear the click. Brittany tries to pull away but I hold on tight. She can't go. I won't let her.

"It's gonna be okay." Brittany whispers into my ear. She tries to shush me. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, but I need to drive. And I need you to let me do that. Okay?"

I nod and release my tight grip on her. I still hold on loosely with my left fist to the front of Brittany's shirt. Brittany leans back and her eyes scan my face. She leans closer and pecks the corner of my mouth then smiles.

Brittany takes my hand as soon as she shifts the car into drive and she pulls away from the curb. I pull her hand up to my chest and hold it there between my two hands. Her thumb swipes back and forth on my skin as we ride along. Brittany also looks over at me every few seconds. I keep my eyes on her the whole time that she drives. I have no idea where we are going and I'm not gonna bother to try and find out. My eyes never leave Brittany.

When we stop and Brittany shuts off the car my eyes finally leave her and I look around to see where we are. Brittany's driveway, Brittany's house.

"We're here." Brittany says. I hear it but that's it. She gets out of the car and comes around to my side of the car. Brittany opens the door and even unbuckles my seatbelt. She takes a step backwards. I watch her. "Uh- you wanna get out or-" Brittany stumbles for words.

I stare at her.

"Okay. Well, we need to get in the house so we don't freeze to death overnight." She tries to joke.

I stare at her.

"Santana." Brittany says my name, still patient. I hear it. "Okay, well, I guess I could carry you." She's talking to herself now. Brittany looks left then right. What's she looking for? She bends at the waist and reaches around me. I feel her hands on me. Brittany picks me up and hoists me out of the car. I hear the car door shut somehow. I bounce up and down in Brittany's arms as we walk. She pushes the front door open and we enter the house.

"Mom." Brittany calls in the entryway.

"Yeah, Britt?"

"Can you come here and shut the front door?" Brittany asks.

"What-" The older Pierce women comes out from the kitchen. "-oh my god. What's going on?"

I hide my face against Brittany's chest, so her mom can't see me. I don't want her to see me. I know that. I don't know much right now but I do know that. My brain is all hazy and I don't really feel anything. Just that Brittany is carrying me bridal style thru the house.

"Everything's gonna be fine." Brittany says. I'm not sure who she's talking to. Me, or her mom, or maybe even herself. I don't believe everything will be fine, though. It can't be. How can it be?

Up the stairs and into Brittany's bedroom. She sets me down on the bed and pulls back the sheets before adjusting me so that my head rests on the pillow. Brittany covers me with the blankets and kisses my forehead. "I'll be right back." She pets the hair away from my face. "Okay?" I nod and Brittany kisses my forehead again.

She disappears from the room. The door is closed. It's dark. I lay there staring up at the ceiling. I don't want to think. I can't think. My mind's blank. That numbing feeling is taking over again. I don't want it too, but it is taking control. I've felt so much in the last couple of weeks. So many good emotions and they have all disappeared now. It's just numb. Even bad, I can't feel that. I feel so empty. I lay here. Eyes open staring up at the ceiling. The covers tucked to my chest. My arms flat against my sides. Like a mummy.

I don't know how much time passes but the door opens again and Brittany comes back into the room. I don't see her but feel her presence, hear her shuffling around, and smell her. She smells like she did on our date. That distinct Brittany smell mixed with vanilla that I love so much.

"I'm back." She whispers when she curls under the blankets next to me. "I had to talk to my mom, but I'm back, and I won't leave again." It's hard to hear the panic and pain in Brittany's voice but it's there and there's nothing I can do about it right now.

She wraps her arms around me. One arm around my stomach and the other she slips between my back and the bed. Brittany latches her hands together on the opposite side of my body. She presses as close to me as possible without actually being on top of me. Her front presses into the right side of my body at a comfortable pressure. I lay there and she lays with me. Brittany doesn't say anything more and I definitely don't say anything.

It's a long time, a really long time, probably a couple of hours, before Brittany falls asleep. My first indication is that her arms, that had a tense hold around me, relaxed. My second was the way she sighed as she finally fell to sleep and how her breathing became soft and even. Third, Brittany's heart beat, it slowed down considerably.

I reach across my body with my left hand and swipe my fingers over Brittany's cheek. Then I remove Brittany's arm from across my stomach, and carefully, so I don't wake Brittany, slip out of bed. I cover Brittany back up with the blanket so she doesn't get cold. I wouldn't want her to get cold.

I start with the sweatshirt that I was wearing. Underneath are the clothes that I wore on our first official date. I look down at them sadly. They need to come off too. Everything needs to come off. I can't wear these clothes any longer. It's too much of a reminder of tonight. It should have been a good night. I should have gone on my date with Brittany and come home and gone to bed happy. But, that's not what happened.

I wander out in the hallway. It should concern me that I'm only in a bra and underwear but nothing really matters anymore. I don't care. I can't. Let someone see me. The real me. The damaged, broken, trailer-trash person that is me.

The bathroom door is half closed. I push it open, slowly, in case there's someone in there. There isn't. I'm alone. I shut the door and turn the light on. Then I turn the shower on. I leave my undergarments on the floor and step into the too hot shower. The water hits my body and washes everything away. The day, the night, the date, Brittany, my dad. It's all gone, down the drain.

I stand under the water until it runs cold. I find a towel in the little linen closet in the bathroom and wrap it around my body. I don't have any clothes I can put on, pajamas or otherwise. I find a comb in the bathroom. I don't know who's it is, but I run it thru my wet hair.

Back in Brittany's room I sit in the chair in the corner in my towel. I don't want to disturb Brittany's sleep by jostling her when getting back in bed. Plus, I don't have any clothes. I'll just sit and wait until Brittany wakes up. Simple solution. I don't think I could sleep even if I tried, even if I wanted to. I pull the chair in front of the window and sit. I look outside. Not much is going on out there in the middle of the night but it's something to do.

There's a gasp behind me. It comes from the bed. I look over my shoulder and Brittany is propped up by her elbows. It's probably been hours that I've been sitting here. Sometime in the early morning maybe. I go back to looking out the window.

"What are you doing?" Brittany sounds shocked and out of breath.

I shrug. I don't know what I'm doing. Other than waiting for Brittany to wake up. I'm just sitting here and looking out the window. I'm not doing anything really.

I hear Brittany getting out of bed and shuffling around behind me. She comes over and kneels at the side of the chair. I look down as both of her hands curl over the arm of the chair.

"Santana." I glance at Brittany when she says my name. "Come back to bed." Brittany whispers.

I get up and walk around Brittany. Dropping the towel at the edge of the bed, I pull the blankets back and climb into Brittany's bed, completely naked. I look over at Brittany standing on the other side of the bed. She standing there with her mouth hanging open, a confused look on her face. I feel bad for her. Really. She shouldn't have to deal with me, with this.

Brittany finally climbs under the covers, fully clothed, and that's when I get an idea. One of the few ideas I've had all night. The best idea I've had all night. Once Brittany settles on her side facing me I put my idea into action. I push Brittany's right shoulder, pushing her backwards onto the mattress. I press my lips to Brittany's, hard. I kiss her furiously. Brittany responds. She kisses back. Less harshly, but she kisses me back. I bite her bottom lip and Brittany groans into my mouth. She goes along with it. This is the best idea I've had since _then. _I grip the collar of her sleep shirt and pull on it. It doesn't budge, doesn't rip at first, so I try again.

Brittany pushes against my shoulders and my grip on her shirt loosens. She flips us so that I'm underneath her. She grabs onto my wrist roughly. I don't like it and try to fight against Brittany's grasp. Her fingers hold stronger around my wrists though. Brittany's hips hold my waist to the mattress. Her hands hold my arms above my head so I can't move.

Brittany slows the kiss down even though I try to speed it up again. She fights me against it. When I try to push my mouth against hers, Brittany pulls away. She comes back for more kisses but not bruising, harsh kisses. She wants soft, gentle ones. I relent and Brittany wins out. We kiss slowly for a little bit. They slow to a stop though. With one last kiss to the tip of my nose Brittany pulls away and looks down at me.

I can't look at her. Not right now. I turn my head to the side to look away from her.

"Look at me." Brittany whispers. "Santana, look at me, please." Brittany nearly begs.

I give in and turn my head back to her. She still has a grip on my wrists above my head and is sitting across my hips. I can't move. I can't get out of this situation. I'm stuck so I give in.

"I would love to have sex with you." Brittany smiles wryly. "But, right now isn't the time." She looks at me. Like really looks at me. She looks into me. She reaches inside me with her eyes. "You're upset and panicking and everything's all upside down for you. Now is not the right time."

I try to lean up and kiss Brittany because she's too much. Too much of everything. She's too nice. She's too caring. She's too gentle. She's too generous. She's too good, loving, kind, honest. She's just too much of everything.

But, Brittany leans away. Her hold on my wrists remains. I can't reach her with my lips.

"We should just sleep." Brittany says.

I don't want to sleep. I won't be able to sleep. I can't sleep. I struggle against Brittany holds. I need to get out of here. I can't sleep here. I can't do this. I can't. I wriggle and squirm against Brittany. My hips thrust and buck, but Brittany holds steady. She stronger than me. Brittany keeps a firm but not aggressive grip on me. She leans down. I see her coming. When Brittany's lips press into mine in a soft kiss all the fight leaves my body. Every time she kisses me softly, sweetly it feels like the best feeling in the world. Slowly, Brittany presses her lips to mine over and over. Slowly, some feeling start to come back to me. Slowly, my mind and body feel awake and connected again. Slowly, the numbness starts to fade.

Brittany rolls off of me when I give up. She sighs and I look over at her. Brittany looks exhausted. As soon as I see her face, I curl into Brittany's side. I cuddle up to her, my legs tangle with Brittany's, and bury my face in her neck. I hold onto Brittany tightly. So tight that my muscles ache.

I mumble against her neck something that I should've probably told Brittany before right now.

"What was that?" Brittany pulls her head back and looks down at me.

She didn't hear me the first time. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them, I look into Brittany's eyes. I want to make sure I'm looking at her, and she understands what I'm saying, when I say it.

"I love you." I say it. Crisp and clear, so there's no misinterpretation.

Brittany's eyes grow wide. Not scared or shocked wide, but happy, excited wide. She pulls me tighter to her and leans in for the most loving kiss I've ever had. We trade sweet kisses for a few moments. Then, Brittany pushes some hair away from my face. Our faces only an inch or so apart.

"I love you, too." Brittany whispers tenderly and we kiss again.

I sigh, relieved, and rest my cheek against Brittany's chest once again. I hold onto her and she holds onto me. My safe, secure place. In Brittany's arms, that's where I feel most comfortable, most safe, most secure. That's my place. And in that place I feel my body and the night catching up with me. My eyelids feel heavy. My heart rate slows more than it's been all night. I finally feel a little bit better. Just a little bit, but better. Here, with her.

* * *

When I wake up it's light out. Like, really light out. Not like first morning light. More like it's been light for a long time. I look at the clock that's on the nightstand next to the bed and it reads 9:52. Yep, it's late in the morning.

Funnily enough, I know exactly where I am right now. Maybe it's the fact that I've woken up here a few times now or maybe it's that fact that there is an arm slung over my waist and a wonderful girl pressed against my back. Either way, I'm not complaining.

I shift a little in my spot and that triggers something. There's a kiss pressed to the back of my neck. "Good morning." Is whispered into my ear. Brittany's arm around my waist squeezes a little tighter.

I look back to try and get a glimpse of Brittany's face, but I can't see her. Not properly. Not the way I want to see her, anyway. I shift so that I'm lying on my back. Brittany smiles at me when our eyes meet. That big, beautiful, Brittany smile.

"Morning, Britt." I mumble lowly and lean in for a quick kiss. Brittany meets me halfway and I sigh into the most perfect morning kiss ever. My stomach twists, the butterflies take flight. I feel like a puddle of goo. I shift again so I'm on my side, actually facing Brittany. I feel closer to her this way. I lean into her with my whole body. My naked skin rubs up against Brittany's clothes. That's when I'm reminded that I'm not wearing any clothes. That's when I'm reminded of the awfulness of last night.

"Oh, god. Brittany, I'm so sorry." I pull away from her and try to back away as far as I can. I pull the sheets closer to my body, trying to cover myself. Everything from last night flashes before my eyes. Calling Brittany, her coming to find me, the strange way my body shut down in response to pretty much everything around me, the shower, sitting in the chair naked, trying to force Brittany to have sex with me. That last one makes me cringe the most. But there was also Brittany. The way she acted and responded to everything I threw at her was beyond amazing. "I'm so sorry. I'm a fucking mess. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that." I squeeze my eyes closed tight. This is painful and embarrassing.

"Santana." Brittany says my name. She doesn't scold or chastises me. She doesn't patronize me or pity me. The way she says my name is soft and calm. "Open your eyes." She touches my chin with her finger, lifting it slightly. "Please?"

My eyes pop open almost against my will. I can't deny Brittany though. "Yeah?" I don't know what I'm suppose to do now.

"I don't think you should be apologizing. You were in crisis." Brittany closes the distance that I've created between us and peck my lips firmly. "Plus, I think you're forgetting something. I don't know what's going through that head of yours right now but it's probably a whole hell of a lot. Last night was a lot. And I want to talk to you about it. But-" She smiles and then bites her bottom lip. "-I think you're forgetting something in all that jumble." Brittany lifts her hand from my chin and taps against my forehead.

"What?"

Brittany leans in for another kiss. "I love you, too." She says afterwards.

Oh. Yeah, that happened too. I remember now. How could I forget. That was the best part of everything that happened yesterday. Actually, it was probably very early this morning. In the wee hours of the new day that I confessed my love to Brittany.

"Right." I mumble nervously. "Um- uh- yeah, about that. Look, I'm sorry. It was just- the timing really wasn't-" Brittany's face falls. The smile that she's had on her face since I've woken up is wiped away. I realize my mistake. "Brittany-" I reach for her cheeks with my hands. I need to make sure she's looking at me. I hold her steady. "I love you. I do. I really, really do. This isn't me taking it back or something dumb like that." The smile returns to Brittany's face. It makes me smile slightly too. "I just wish the timing was better when I said it. I wish the situation was better. I just wish-"

"Stop." Brittany cuts me off. Her hands reach up and hold mine on top of her cheeks. "I think it was perfect. The timing, the way it happened. Don't wish that away. It was a moment. A moment of vulnerability and your true feelings came through and I think that's beautiful. You're beautiful. And I love you, Santana Lopez."

The kiss that follows makes my head spin. It's a good thing that I'm lying down. We kiss for a few minutes but when Brittany's hands start to roam my naked back that's where I stop it. Brittany was right last night. Now isn't a good time for sexually situations.

"Britt." I whisper, resting my forehead against hers.

"I know." She whispers back.

* * *

Brittany gets me a t-shirt and sweatpants to wear. I don't have an clothes of my own except for the ones I came over in last night and I don't want to put those back on until they are washed. I'm much calmer and more comfortable than last night. Than even my little panic attack this morning even. Brittany sees it too.

We are laying on the bed, facing each other, just staring. It's peaceful. I don't want that peace to be disturb but I know it will be. I know Brittany wants to talk. I know she has questions that she deserves answers to.

I take a deep breath. "So, what do you want to know?" I ask, biting the bullet.

Brittany seems to wince. "I don't want to rush you or push you. When you're ready."

"I'm ready, Britt. It's not- let's just do this, okay?" I can't be more forward and upfront about this. Do I want to talk about what happened? No. Do I need to? Yes. Does Brittany deserve answers and honesty? Yes, totally.

"Okay, well, what happened?" Brittany asks. I want to roll my eyes but don't. There couldn't be a more broad question. I understand what she's asking, or what she wants to know, though.

I sigh and close my eyes. "My dad- he came after me. Like, on purpose. He's never done that before. He was drunk and wanted to know where I was, even though he knew. Before I left I made sure he knew. He didn't like that I mouthed off to him but I was so fed up with his behavior. I just couldn't help myself. But he came after me. He came into the kitchen and cornered me. He took a swing at me and hit my ear when I ducked. He hit me again on the back of the head and then he lost his balance and fell down and passed out. That's when I left."

"Oh, Santana." Brittany murmurs. She wraps me up in her arms and holds me close to her chest. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that."

"Yeah, well-" I mumble into her chest.

"You don't deserve to be treated like that. By anyone. Nobody should be treated like that. Nobody should be abused."

Brittany's word hit deep inside me. "Yeah." I mumble. Abuse. I've never really thought what's been happening as abuse but it is. Brittany's right when she says it's abuse though. A few things hit me at once. First, what happens next? With my dad and our 'situation' and with Brittany. She basically knows everything now. Second, how is Brittany involved with whatever happens in the future? Those two things might seems similar to some but to me they are totally different.

For so long now I've tried to keep my life at home from Brittany and vice versa. But now they are meshing together and I don't know if I am okay with that. What happens with me and my dad effects Brittany directly now. Whatever happens now, Brittany has been dragged into it. She's been dragged into my messy life and has to deal with it. I never wanted that for her. It's not fair to her. She should be out in the world living and having fun. Instead, she's stuck with me and my problems. I'd try and ask her to distance herself from me and my problems. Or I'd ask her to let me handle it myself. But- I know she won't do that. Brittany won't let me deal with this alone.

She loves me and she's not gonna abandon me. That, I know.

"Britt?"

"Hmm." She hums and kisses the top of my head.

"What am I gonna do now?" I ask her anxiously.

"Well-" Brittany's hands travel continuously up and down my back. "-I can't tell you what to do, Santana. But, I think the police should be involved." Brittany tells me calmly. We've been over this before.

"I don't want to get my dad arrested. You know that's what'll happen. But, I also know that what he did wasn't right. More so now than ever before. Something became really real to me last night. Even if he was just drunk. I know he would never harm me intentionally, but that shouldn't be an excuse. It shouldn't happen either way."

"Yes, exactly. That's why I think the police should be involved." Brittany adds.

"He just gets angry when he's drunk." I try to explain away. It's an excuse, I know. "He doesn't mean to. He doesn't mean to get angry, he just does. Why? I don't know. He's an angry drunk. It seems to be getting worse in the last few months. I don't know if it's cuz of the move, or work, or what. But, when my dad drinks, he gets angry. And sometimes that anger spills over and _things_ happen. I know I shouldn't make excuses but that's what's happening." I sigh. I didn't think talking about this could feel so exhausting. I snuggle closer to Brittany and she does her thing and holds me close.

"I get that." Brittany whispers. She rubs gently at my back. "But-" She pauses. Long and hard. "-I also know that you are in danger. That whatever is happening with your dad is putting you in danger. And I can't stand for that. I can't let that happen. I don't ever want what happened last night to happen again. I don't want you having to run away from home in the middle of the night. I don't want to have to drive the city streets in a panic trying to reach you. I don't want to have to think that you are in trouble or injured or in danger. I don't want to have to do any of that." Brittany presses her lips of the crown on my head again. "I'll always be there for you. No matter what. But, I don't want a repeat of last night. Ever."

Brittany cradles the back of my head with one hand, holding my face to her chest. Her lips stay presses to my hair. She presses continual kisses to my head. I hug Brittany tighter around the waist. She makes me feel so safe. Here. In this spot. It's one of the best feelings in the world. I don't know where I would be without Brittany. Struggling to hold it together, probably. Struggling to keep it all in. Struggling to just survive. She's a blessing in disguise. I never would have guessed. She's somehow been brought into my life at the perfect time. Just when I needed her. Like, it was meant to be. Like, I was meant to meet Brittany. She's what I needed and I didn't even know it.

"I don't either." I don't want a repeat of what happened last night. "I love my dad. He's provided everything for me since my mom left. He's the one who's taken care of me. He's the one who raised me. But- I don't want to be scared of him." I find that right now, I am. I'm scared of my dad and what he could possibly do to me. I don't want to be but after last night, I can't help it. When he raised his hand to me something changed. Something serious.

"Do you have anywhere else that you can stay?" Brittany asks carefully. She knows that it's a potentially delicate subject for me. With my mom leaving and all. "With a relative or something?"

I pull my face away from Brittany's chest and look up and make eye contact with her. Brittany's sad grey-blue eyes stare intently back at me. "No." I tell her. It's more none verbal than verbal. My lips move but no sound comes out. My eyes speak the same message that my mouth does. "I don't know what I'm gonna do but I think I should go home and talk to my dad."

Brittany's eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. She shocked and suddenly tense. I know that she's apprehensive about me returning home.

"Would you come with me?" I ask. I know it will make Brittany feel better about the situation. I know that she's never gonna be completely comfortable with it but maybe if she's there with me it will help her feel better.

"Of course I will." She confirms like I knew she would.

After the heavy conversation we lay in silence in Brittany's room. My stomach grumbles after a few quiet minutes. "Is someone hungry?" Brittany giggles.

I nod my head. "Yeah, I think so."

"Let's go get something to eat then." Brittany smacks at me butt to get me to get up.

"Hey." I squeak as I lift my body from Brittany's. A cold shiver runs through me.

"What?" Brittany shrugs with an innocent smile. The mood in the room lightens a little. It's nice to play around a little bit.

We go downstairs and Brittany makes me sit on one of the stools at the island counter while she makes sandwiches. Peanut butter and jelly for Brittany and turkey for me. Brittany just needs to cut the sandwiches and put them on plates and then she's done.

"What do you want to drink?" She asks.

"Water's fine." I tell her with a smile. Brittany never forgets anything. Food, drink, whatever it is, she makes sure that I have it. "Thank you." I need to let her know that I appreciate it.

Brittany just grins back at me and winks. "I have something extra for you." She smiles slyly. Brittany reaches for the small cabinet that's above the refrigerator. When she opens the door, I see a large amount of thin, rectangular boxes. The whole cabinet is full top to bottom with them.

"What is all that?" I wonder out loud.

"Here." Brittany pulls down a box and shuts the cabinet door. She leans across the island and kisses me. "Have a look." Brittany sets the box down in front of me. I've seen a box like this before. Boxes. They are fairly common. I don't think I've ever since this type.

"Chocolates?"

"Yep. But you better eat your sandwich first otherwise you can't have any." Brittany teases. She swings around the island and pulls out the stool next to me and takes a seat. "Sandwich first, and then chocolates."

"Okay, mom." I tease.

Brittany rolls her eyes as she bites into her PB&amp;J sandwich. The sandwiches are gone quickly. I eat mine like I haven't eaten for days. I didn't realize I was that hungry. When the sandwich is gone I open the box of chocolates and pick a few out to eat.

"Have as many as you want." Brittany encourages.

"Why do you have so many boxes of chocolates?" I can't help but ask.

"My family just really loves chocolates. All kinds of chocolate. You name it, we have it." Brittany grins. She seems so proud of the fact that there is a whole cabinet devoted to chocolates.

"Alright." I pop a chocolate into my mouth. "Mmm, this is good."

"I know, right?" Brittany mumbles around the last bit of her sandwich.

"Well-" Brittany starts. It was a nice, light-hearted lunch that Brittany and I had. It lifted my spirits but I can't get the situation with my dad out of my head. Brittany's 'well' means a lot of different things. 'Are you ready to go?' 'Are you sure you want to do this?' And so much more.

"Yeah." I reply with. "Let's go."


End file.
